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Attachment Styles - Coggle Diagram

- - - - very important part of AT
      - someone who you can rely on
      - study: blood pressures issues, good marriage lowers bp, bad marriage exacerbates bp issues
  - - - focus becomes outward
        
        dependency paradox
        
        if we depend on someone
        
        we become more independent
        
        we know someone is there for us
  - - - take care of own happiness
        
        from within
    - - don't give too much maternal love
      - self-sufficiency is important
  - - - heart rate
      - hormones
      - breathing
      - blood pressure
- - - - desired/good looking
      - no long relationships
      - grows tired/uninterested
      - creates distance/becomes unavailable
        
        can create anxiousness/signs that the other wants to break up
      - difficulty saying I love you/committing
- - - - abundance principle
        
        there are plenty of people out there
        
        it does not have to be it
  - - - when outside of danger zone, deactivation
- - - - I am independent and self-sufficient
      - I want more intimacy than the other
      - confirmation of existing beliefs
    - - divorced avoidants
        
        quicker back on the market (don't truly feel the loss)
        
        end relationships more frequently
        
        avoidants don't really date avoidants often; miss the glue
      - secures are not so common in the dating pool later on
    - - good to attract avoidants
    - - not solving issues
        
        creates closeness
        
        not desired by avoidant
        
        many issues
        
        manifestations of the underlying difference
      - manifests in all choices
        
        raising children
        
        moving in
        
        marriage
      - run its natural course
        
        may go on for quite some time
        
        quite some problems
      - anxious may lose too much ground
        
        with every fight
        
        avoidant may think of negative traits of partners
        
        anxious may remember only the positive things
        
        compromise
        
        initial hard line, then overcompromise
    - - have secure role model
        
        remind each other what you want to be/do
        
        ask: what would they do?
      - slowly move to security
      - look at the partner as a pet, commit many demeanours, still we love them