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Unit 11: Attachment Through the Life Course - Coggle Diagram
Unit 11: Attachment Through the Life Course
Technical Ideas
The Biology of Belonging (Harlow's Legacy)
Cloth Mother Findings:
18 hours/day clinging to soft surrogate vs. 1 hour on feeding wire mother
Video Insight: "Monkeys preferred comfort to nutrition - our brains are wired for touch first, survival second"
Fear Response Data:
Heart rates slowed 40% when clinging to cloth mother during loud noises
Tripled exploration time with security base present
Childhood Blueprints (Ainsworth's Patterns)
Secure (60%):
Distress-Comfort Cycle: Cries when left → easily comforted → returns to play
Parental Roots: Consistent "I see you" responses to needs
Avoidant (20%):
Stonewall Strategy: Ignores parent return → stifles distress
Parental Roots: "Stop crying" conditioning → self-reliance as survival
Anxious (20%):
Protest Paradox: Clings then hits parent → conflicting signals
Parental Roots: Unpredictable care → hypervigilance
Adult Attachment Signatures
Secure Adults:
Comfort with intimacy + clear boundaries
Tell: "I miss you" without shame
Avoidant Adults:
Emotional claustrophobia
Tell: "I'm fine alone" while aching inside
Anxious Adults:
Relationship OCD tendencies
Tell: "Do you still love me?" after minor conflicts
Rewiring Possibilities
Neuroplastic Hope:
68% of insecurely attached adults change patterns with therapy/secure partners
Key Study: 5 years of stable love reshapes attachment brain pathways
Personal Reflection
My Attachment Autopsy
Broke one of my fingers at 10, didn't cry - my avoidant dad liked 'being tough.' Now I dissociate when in pain.
Experiment:
Track physical reactions to stress (cold hands? shallow breathing?)
Say "Ouch" out loud for minor pains to reconnect body/emotions
Relationship GPS
I attract anxious partners who exhaust me - my avoidant style's perfect match. Our pursuit/retreat dance is 'normal.'
Disruption Plan:
When I feel smothered: I need space but will text by 8pm (rather than ghost)
Date a secure person for 3 months - track anxiety levels weekly
Reparenting Myself:
I soothe myself like my preoccupied mom did - with food, not hugs. No wonder I'm gaining weight
Secure Base Bootcamp:
Purchase a weighted blanket + rock myself nightly
Commission a cuddlist (professional platonic touch) for 12 sessions
Intergenerational Healing
My grandfather lived through war orphanages - his avoidant trauma became our family culture. I'm the first to break the chain.
Legacy Project:
Audio record parents' childhood stories - mark attachment ruptures
Develop new rituals (weekly family Zoom with feeling check-ins)