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Attachment Through the Life Course, -In class I was told to think of a…
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-In class I was told to think of a very close personal relationship and I am thinking about my girlfriend. We just started dating two weekish ago and that sounds very fresh but I have known her for nearly 5 years and we have had an on and off thing for 4 years. What makes this relationship special is how I feel like I cant imagine life without her now and I feel like its crazy how someone can just make a big impact in such a short amount of time.
Secure: Most kids are distressed when their caregivers leaves, but are quickly comforted when they return
Avoidant: About 20% kids do not seem overly distressed upon separation and avoid the caregivers when they return
Anxious-Resistant: About 20% kids become very distressed when their caregivers leave, but they are not calmed by their presence when they return
-Responsive and consistent care giving produced secure attachment and that means kids learn that their caregivers will help and support when needed.
-Unresponsive to childs needs creates a avoidant attachment child and kids learn that they cannot depend on their caregivers or others for help/support.
-Inconsistent responsive to childs needs creates anxious/resistant attachment style and kids learn that their caregivers will not reliably help them when they are in need
-Advice that I would give to parents who wish to ensure that their children form a secure attachment is to be patient and reliable. Being hot and cold and neglectful creates attachment styles like avoidant and anxious and that can have a bad psychological affect on children. These attachment styles really affects their childrens future relationships with lovers and I feel like these types of relationships are very important and having a secure attachment style can save someone a lot of mental distress. Therefore I believe heavily that attachment styles impact relationships in adult life. I believe that the childhood years are very impactful and as someone with an anxious attachment style I feel like its exhausting when I get triggered in relationships.
-I have just recently discovered that I have a anxious-resistant attachment style. I believe I am that way because when my parents had me they were very young. My mom gave birth to me at 18 and my dad was just recently figuring out his career. My mom also just had move to a new country because she was from Vietnam. So my mom was just figuring out her life as well so I dont really have much resentment towards her. Although I dont have much resentment, the way she behaved during my childhood years did really affect me. She was impatient and hot and cold and since she didnt really understand English that well, she couldnt help me with school work. So growing up I was very independent, my dad would work and both my parents never woke up early to take me to school so during elementary school I would cook myself breakfast and pack my own lunches for school and take the bus. They would show up to my school graduations but not much to my soccer games but they did sometimes. I would always be the last one to get picked up at either school or practice. During highschool when I switched schools and it was too far to take the bus my dad would tell me to Uber to school. Once I got a car I never really had to ask my parents for anything. The inconsistency created an anxious/resistant attachment style.
-I see my attachment style triggered in relationships because whenever I start to feel anxious in relationships I start to push them away or mentally spiral. I also tend to overanalyze my partners behavior to the point where I think that they want to end things and dont love me. After being in two relationships that lasted a year and half and growing up I am starting to realize my triggers and not let them get the best of me. Now when I have arguments with my partner I dont lash out or get defensive or try to end the relationship.
-Secure children likely tend to have better peer relationships, be better evaluated by teachers, and persist on challenging tasks
-Avoidant children were likely to have difficulty making and maintaining friendships and are more likely to be identified as bullies
-Individuals with a secure adult attachment style find it easy to get close to others and readily become emotionally intimate with romantic partners.
-Individuals with anxious attachment style would seek extreme intimate emotional bonds with romantic partners but tend to be worried that their partners will leave them
-Avoidant attachment individuals tend to avoid forming close emotional bonds with romantic partners
-We have a tendency to be attracted to a partners of similar style!
-Those with secure attachment styles tend to have more stable, satisfying, less conflict, and high functioning relationships because individuals with secure attachment styles are more likely to provide support to partner in times of distress.
-Early childhood attachment is only probabilistically related to adult attachment
-Even those who failed to form secure bonds as children can develop a secure romantic attachment styles as adults
-Attachment style is shaped by the joint influence of all of our close relationships. (Parents, grandparents, friends, teachers, and any other figures)