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First year essay feedback (improvements) - Coggle Diagram
First year essay feedback (improvements)
Social and political challanges for the ME essay
Although you have used some of the sources to support your argument and analysis, you need to review these sources.
What are their strengths and weaknesses of the sources (how reliable are they)?
What are the key similarities and differences between them?
What are the problems with the sources (e.g. how are they biased and how can you over come this)?
This is a literature review and you need to specify the sources that you are reviewing.
Talk about the sources in the introduction and explain what sources you are looking at.
1968 protests in Northern Ireland essay
The essay would benefit from further attention paid to form and structure. Specifically, the use of paragraphs to help engage in discussion and analysis.
The introduction could be better developed, providing an outline to the rest of the essay and the conclusion could engage in further discussion.
Frederick Douglass essay
Remember to PEE: Point, Evidence, Explain.
When proofreading your work, try reading out loud. It will help you easily identify incorrect word choice, sentence and paragraph length, and help you with where punctuation should go. It will also help you highlight spelling and grammar mistakes too.
Next time try to use more formal, and academically rigorous langauge.
Avoiding use language like 'us' and 'we'.
Causes of the Abbasid revolution
More explicit discussion of source materials -- More analysis of the sources theselves.
Make sure to remain in the same tense --
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wzn_gtwq1xI6ev8TCaFn0JP-U_QPQE_2aC8orVNJGBQ/edit
Is Al-Jazera an agent of change
Though, more independent and detailed analysis on the impact of the channel on other transnational media in the Arab world, such as Al-Hurra, could be added to the discussion.
Try (if possible) to cover more of the topic.
In addition, the structure of paragraphs needs improvement. You tend to write long paragraphs that traverse many discrete ideas. In future, break paragraphs into smaller units, and explore each point you raise more fully.
Try to improve readability and structure.
What are the major causes behind the rise of populist right nationalism in the Europe and the United States Illustrate your answer with examples drawn from two different countries.
Define key terms in the introduction, for this essay there needed to be a defining of materalism and post-materilism.
Structure, remeber new point, new paragraph.
Try to make use of more sources, the theory side of this essay was based on two sources.
When discussing theory alongside a case study, make sure that in paragraphs discussing theory there is some link to the case study.
For this, focus could have been applied to the areas of policy that infleunced FRance and the USA.
Make sure chains of logic are clear and logical.
Have legislatures become more representative over time
Lack of disucssion about the consequences of these changes for democracy.
Explains what the data means, but what deos improvements in female represention mean for democracy? How does this improve outcomes for women?
This is an interering data that allows to understand that representation have changed.
Good quality data source and the graphs work (no need to be too concered about how the graphs look in the future as long as they 'work').