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I am incapable and handicapped. - Coggle Diagram
I am incapable and handicapped
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Comparison to family members
expectations from society and family that normalized their logic/action
Mom & Dad - Ivy League
Sarah and Jessica (sisters) succeeding and receiving positive attention
Middle Child Syndrome Research
Not having a real role or value in the family because the bar had been set by my older sister and my younger sister was the "baby" who needed special attention
Unable to receive any attention from parents unless it is negative
risk taking
Feeling alone/alienated/outcasted
Strong social skils
Learning disability in math
Being put on antidepressants/ADHD medication at age 8 because of the inability to meet my family's expectations and weight that that carried for me
Failing math tests at age 7 and having to show my mom my grades
"That's just your brain chemistry. This is just how you are"
Beginning of a false narrative/single-story
Failing at almost everything I tried if I did not have assistance for majority of my life
Whats the point in trying if you already know the outcome (refusal to attempt because of inevitable failure)
Believing that I was different and handicapped from a very young age
The loss of the ability to be independent through constant invalidation of foundational skills at home
Being sent to therapeutic boarding school because of this
Dropping out of college
Turning point: Being physically assaulted by my ex
The only friends I had were also handicapped in some way because I did not resonate with people who were successful
Brief intro to this story
Waking up after being choked out and realizing that I put myself in this situation and having this overwhelming sense of grief, rage and self-worth
Why/how this story taught me to take off my "glasses" and begin to become aware of all the expectations and beliefs in my space that were not mine
Epiphany
other people's beliefs are just their beliefs. they are not my beliefs and they don't have to be
I am responsible for what i allow myself to believe to be true
I am not incapable, i just learn differently than traditional students
I am not incapable, I just don't agree with the expectations or narratives that you're imposing on me
I am responsible for my lack in life. or my abundance in life
Other research topic that I have not yet decided on