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Recognizing and Dealing with Conflict - Coggle Diagram
Recognizing and Dealing with Conflict
Perpetual Problems
Conflict due to different opinions, values, and personalities (pg. 131).
EX: One wants a baby, one does not
Continuously seen throughout marriage
Doesn't always need to be solved
Can be "Gridlocked"
Makes you feel rejected (pg.132).
Making no progress on conflict
Unwilling to budge
Feeling of frustration and hurt grow
Can effect your engagement emotionally
Solvable vs. Perpetual
Solvable
Not always resolved
Can bring a lot of harm between husband and wife
Most couples have not learned effective techniques for solving problems
How to effectively solve problems
Tackle them head on
Startup is soft rather than harsh (pg. 134).
learn thee effective use of repair attempts (pg. 134).
Monitor your physiology during tense discussions
Compromise
Become more tolerant of imperfections (pg. 134).
Perpetual
Seem more painful that solvable problems
Deeper issues
Conflict Resolution
Understand how you feel during an argument
What could you do next time to avoid the argument (or your partner) pg. 154).
Look into what triggered your emotions
What was the argument rooted in?
What did you contribute to the argument? (pg. 153).
Solve your solvable problems
Soften Startup
Lower defensive responses
Make repair attempts
Don't be harsh
Eliminate criticism
Make Repair attempts
Hit the breaks
Deescalate tension
Be receptive
Show Appreciation
Soothe yourself and Each other (pg. 176).
Communicate that you need a break
Understand that your feeling flooded
Feeling better work towards soothing each other
Identify what signals implement a need for a break
Compromise
"Accept influence" (pg. 181).
Identify what you agree on
Common goals
The issue?
How can you work towards the goals (pg. 183).
Be tolerant of each others faults (pg. 185).
Recognize no one is perfect.
Don't compare
Resolution is not about change in a person, it's about common ground