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We need to talk - how to have conversation matter by Celeste Headlee,…
We need to talk - how to have conversation matter by Celeste Headlee
others' insights (data, situation, and roles in conversation)
getting corresponding situation rightly
using questions of what, where, who, when, how, why whom, ... to get enough data to understand the situation correctly, not using your intuition
getting corresponding roles rightly, rather not to be doctrinal teacher to deliver mini-lectures all the time.
authors' introduction
listening is so important that the consequence could be serious, e.g. the plane crash
speak up your own voice, not to miss your prime chance, e.g. relationship
low capability of having deep conversations
miscommunication is common
learn to listen, exchange, converse, rather than saying on ones' own
nature of conversations of exchange
art of exchanging in ways of interesting, creative, imaginative, and focusing or diminishing manners....
evolve & converse
go rolling forward altogether
human being hearing sound & voice for listening, perceiving & understanding
functions of spoken language is to tell your own ideas in different contexts
propose a marriage
making a deal
scaring your enemies
tell others about your thought and experience
notice: spoken language <> communication
using gesture, eye contacts, tone, or ... to express
consequence of excellent communication
sales boost up
bring others' attractive impression in terms of emotion --> making more deals with customers, even higher price and lower quality
e.g. poor manual --> return goods
poor medical consultation / communication --> incurred unnecessary expenses
poor employee communication --> higher cost of turnover
notice: electronic communication like email may make people less intention of using verbal communications
willing to talk?
notice: your insistence in something may block your exchange with others. be open and swiftly to others
speak too much, listen too little
facing tough or interest conflicting situations
speaking for moving hearts
sms, quick and short messaging
facebook, X, or Instagram for business networking --> confusing the nature of friendship
notice distraction from mobile: loose concentration and focus --> lower qualities of conversation
conversation practice making exchange better
conversation manner & responsibilities
interrupt others' speaking
seeking resolution via conversations
notice: educated people stress on rationales rather than emotion or feeling
notice: biases, wrong assumption, vulnerable to show up your weaknesses --> avoid speaking up the need of help
getting a wrong focus on key thoughts
unware of offending others
hard to listen to others' constructive or positive remarks or criticism
avoid: unorganized speaking, repeated content, interrupting others...
responding techniques: nodding, eye contact, prepared topics, repeated others' message, smile, matching sound
foundation for conversations
mind culture: racism
prepare others' expectation
emotion like anger, disappointed, irritated, ... influence your conversation performance
hard subject talk
arouse emotion
not much common points or interests
positive manner: curiosity, respect, unbiases, on topic, put a full stop.
put you in others' shoe
cannot avoid to judge and evaluate others motives, threat, capabilities: to protect yourself ....
care about others' starting point, reason, & perspective
understanding others & yourself, giving tolerance more
be patient and hurry to say your last words
thanks for others' time and sharing (friendly atmosphere)
say sorry for wrongly speaking and not to excuse
beware of talking over sensitive topics
misunderstood is very common
concentrated on the main thread in conversions, put aside others first
one time one task (mindfulness & quality)
switching task and scenarios --> endorphin --> _> irritate
exercise mindfulness or meditation
enable you to select what is key matter to deal with
everyone is unique
don't try to make misunderstood when giving your comfort words
someone like to tell others about his/her own (sel-focus)
response is to assist others further elaborate or take your turn
most people like to talk about themselves in 60% of conversation
even you have similar experience but indeed not exactly the same and not to suppose others were you.
not to advise others because you thought you have experience
is it necessary to insist your viewpoint?
speaking tactfully rather than substantially
short span of mindfulness because of electronics distraction
precise and concise wording becomes so important
keep appropriate lenght
accept not organized sometimes
notice others' reaction to evaluate if your speaking is too much
use techniques to make the sharing short or closing and switching back to the key topic
not to repeat the content unnecessarily
curiosity make you ask questions (who, whom, what, where, when, how, why) and becomes wise and more considerate
use more open question if you want to know more about others
whereas
using close question to affirm something you hunch
don't bull shit
too much details would destroy the whole storyline and loose focus
bear in mind audience have limit span of concentration
what are interested ?
put aside others, get focus on and go along with your recipients
it's embarrassing when missing others' messages
everyone has distraction, so pull them back regularly
listening better strategy
what you memorized after listening?
solitude sometimes
make solitude and exchange with others in balance
solitude let you rest and think and resilient
getting it used to be your regular time
conclusion:
less self-centred or self-focused but concentrate on listening the other.
assist others' expressing,
be open, not biased, suppose same scenario or switch to your case,
prepared to frame some interesting topics and talk freely and get your topic open and in-depth,
empathy: feel what others feel, not your assumed or experienced feeling exactly,
notice the other facial expression - distracted vs concentrated or interested,
curious about what the other think and feel of, which you find any common points and ask questions of their own experience,
feel happy with others' happiness
boldly admit you have no ideas
danger: knowing not thoroughly but act
not to get help because you supposed you were so knowledgeable
boldly admit you have no ideas
not to get help because you supposed you were so knowledgeable
danger: knowing not thoroughly but act