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Therapy Thoughts - Coggle Diagram

- - - - Like, I don't have any real friends outside of my family. Like, I have people I know, people who I'm friendly with, but I wouldn't really say that we're friends. Like I don't want to hang out with these people. Like I wouldn't want to watch a movie in my basement and have these people with me. Like, I don't know to what degree this is normal or how much anxiety I should be feeling about this.
        
        I remember my first year at BYU I had these intense feelings of loneliness. I didn't have any friends and I didn't feel comfortable with anyone. Two thoughts that come to mind. I didn't recognize that I wanted friendship. Do I really want to be with anybody. I didn't know how to move forward and make friends with others.
    - - I feel a lot of anxiety when I am specifically in group situations
      - I don't seek out social activity
        
        I feel a lot of anxiety
        
        I feel tension in my body
        
        I feel a strong desire to leave
        
        What are the situations of the anxiety?
        
        I don't feel anxiety when I'm going to class
        
        I don't feel anxiety when I'm in public
        
        When I'm told to break up into groups, I feel strong anxiety
        
        I don't really feel the same anxiety when I have to do presentations
        
        I don't really get anxiety on Mutual or mutual dates
        
        I don't really get anxiety if I'm being set up on a date.
        
        At Mariella's party I had a moderate amount of bad anxiety
        
        Having Ray over at my house made a fair amount of bad anxiety
        
        Going to the academic councilor doesn't bother me.
        
        Talking with a guy on the bus about Overwatch doesn't really bother me.
        
        Zone conferences cause a lot of anxiety
        
        At institute I feel a strong amount of anxiety, especially afterwards
        
        Looking for people to play music with, the thought gives me a lot of anxiety
        
        As a missionary, doing finding, especially survey finding gave me a lot of anxiety
        
        Door finding was less stressful
        
        I felt a little, but not a ton of anxiety talking with the girl who was wearing an Andover shirt.
        
        When I first met Rylee, it was easy talking to her about the CS classes
        
        I remember a lot of anxiety talking to Madelyn after we went on a date.
        
        I always felt kind of anxiety around Matt, but not Thomas
        
        I was anxious with people at church, or just didn't want to hang out with them, but I did want to hang out with Thomas
        
        What are the thoughts I have when I'm anxious in these situations?
        
        I want to leave
        
        I'm bored
        
        What if this person wants to be friends with me, but I don't really want to be friends with them?
        
        I don't want to be responsible for this person
        
        I don't know if i even want to seek out social activity
        
        I don't know if I don't seek out social activity because I'm scared or because I don't really want social activity
- - - - Examples
        
        Not at Walmart or like Some public place.
        
        Church, school classes.
        
        Places where I have to interact with people beyond simple things
      - Why?
        
        I am very afraid of being judged.
        
        I don't feel like I know how to act around other people. Like on one end I don't even want to be around people and they think its weird when you don't say anything.
  - - - Being broken up into groups at church or school
      - Going to institute and meeting new people who are in groups
      - Having to go to work, especially at the hotel
      - approaching people at church.
      - Feeling weird because I'm not saying something.
      - Zone conferences
      - Street Contacting as a missionary
    - - I feel like I don't know what to do. I just feel like I'm on fire.
      - I feel like I'm being graded on like my social ability to perform.
      - I don't know how to approach people.
      - Like I feel like my natural instincts go out the door.
- - - - My mom always equates the friendship question to being some kind of religious question, if you're nice to everyone and have love then this problem will work out. I don't think I believe this though because you're always lacking and you're not taking what you actually want. I think this is foolish.