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Essay 2 Brainstorm: Secrets - Coggle Diagram

- - - - what he was thinking = thought process
        
        therefore, we can say that we were not let into the thought processes of the key people
      - the extent to how much info we're given about what saul did with his time, is that he read by himself, woke up to work earlier than most of his "coworkers"...
        
        description focuses on his physical achievements; rather than what's going on in his mind...
        
        what he's been thinking about; if he's figured something out, or understands something more than he previously did, etc.
    - - IH: the thought process of Saul and how he musters the thoughts and emotions to face what’s inside (very vague, but we can make guesses)
      - HSR: the thought process of the author
  - - - (a "lighter" display of self-sabotage; preventing oneself from moving forward by keeping a secret from oneself; or rather, avoiding facing the truth)
        
        in HSR: in a way, the author is sabotaging the reader - purposely making it hard to understand
        
        *that might be a more cynical(?) way of seeing it, but it's a perspective....
- - - - confronting his own thoughts and emotions about his experience
        
        avoiding the confrontation of the question of moving forward?
        
        scarcely talks about his thoughts on moving forward
        
        the only part that seems emphasized, in terms of feeling anything after getting out of the residential school, is feeling numb
        
        or the idea of feeling such profound hopelessness that he didn't feel anything at all = numbness
        
        hopeless towards anything, including his future
      - "I never put stock enough in talk, really. But I'm learning how these days. more than I did before, at least" pg. 365
        
        shows that he hasn't been talking about it
        
        seems like he's been spending a lot of time thinking, digging up and "dissecting": "There are things I found out that I never told anyone." (365)
      - "it took forever for me to learn how to face my own truth. I ran from it for years and years." (365, Fred)
        
        in reply, saul said "it's hard" ; meaning that he agrees and empathizes
    - - was it by choice? or was it involuntary?
        
        according to the "easy answer": it was involuntary, even though he might have wanted to say something about it (and do something about it; find/make a plan/path on what to do with what he deals with)
      - easy answer is to say: he kept them a secret from people he trusts as well, because he himself doesn't want to face what's deep inside
        
        and facing what's deep inside consists of also remembering and thinking back to the traumatic experience at the "schools"
      - what does he accomplish by keeping parts of his past a secret from the characters and readers?
        
        he might be expecting to find a way to move forward; because it's difficult to move forward, while looking back
        
        even if you were to walk backwards, and not turn around to face the "front" it would be difficult to walk in the direction you want to go; assuming you have a destination in mind
        
        if this is true, it would be showing that he wants to move forward
        
        but with the "baggage" he has to carry in mind, it might not be sure how to
        
        bringing up the past doesn't make it go away; which can be a part of the reason why it might be difficult to bring it up at all (for saul)
        
        bringing things up doesn't make things lighter, necessarily (or always)
        
        "lighter" in terms of feeling less responsibility; or feeling less of the responsibility to deal with the past/make sense of it
        
        make sense of it also means trying to understand it
        
        1 more item...
        
        in the moment, if he was to share parts of himself to others, it might not feel comfortable
        
        might not feel comfortable because: wouldn't be sure if it would be beneficial in the long run
        
        or if things will feel "easier" or "lighter" in the future, because you shared
        
        or if there would be no difference at all
    - - true meaning is covered up by features that make us confused and unable to understand
        
        "keeps a secret" by:
        
        taking letters out of words
        
        replacing certain words with symbols
        
        placing words to make a shape..
        
        making the words vague; context is vague; content is vague
        
        makes the question of what message is trying to be delivered
      - by making the poems generally hard to understand, makes us wonder; what is the author's goal in making it hard to understand?
        
        apparently, it's to simulate the frustration of not being understood
        
        the goal may be to teach, emotionally
        
        instead of directly through words; which is the traditional way
        
        and the whole book is about being "untraditional"; breaking and bending rules and stereotypes
        
        breaking expectations; breaking the norm...
        
        purposely making it hard to read
        
        directly through words as in - saying what they mean (teaching as is)
        
        side note that I notice: lots of examples were used from grammar educational books
      - what else does the author achieve, in making "understanding the poems" a secret?
        
        she might achieve expressing how it might feel for black women back in the day, and today too
        
        communicating the emotion
        
        being misunderstood, put under stereotypes...
        
        pushed into a mold
        
        their characters being assumed - seeming to be an identity in others' eyes to amount to nothing more than how others want to, and will see them as
        
        in short, the author might also accomplish expressing the common emotion (disappointment, frustration, misunderstanding) among black women
  - - - while in HSR: doesn't want to necessarily reveal the truth
    - - though we don't know what exactly/precisely what he's been thinking about while he was working, after leaving the higher hockey league
      - what he's keeping from himself as well: the stuff he hasn't dug out and what he hopes to accomplish in revisiting old places......
        
        "I worked closely with Moses and I learned how to lift the lid off my life and inspect what was contained. It was hard work. It terrified me a lot of times, but I made the journey, and when I felt strong, confident, secure with my feelings and my new set of skills, I returned to knock on a door that I hadn't knocked on in a long, long time. It was just after the first thaw"
        
        pg. 254
        
        "first thaw" might be referring to the first time he's felt not stuck (not frozen)
        
        just like if a box has gone through a harsh winter with hurricanes, flurries, avalanches, etc.... it will be difficult to open if it hasn't thawed
        
        so then finally being able to open that box after a long while of waiting, etc. etc. , can be described as "the first thaw"
      - what is he keeping from himself?
        
        and what makes you think he's unintentionally keeping a secret from himself?
        
        well, by avoiding confrontation with his past, he's keeping a secret from himself, unintentionally; with-holding access to information deep inside him
        
        that information might be the key to understanding his past, and how to move forward...
  - - - scarcely mentioning certain information (details), if at all
        
        history = the secret
        
        also thoughts and emotions = secret
      - something I notice: secrets are kept from people he supposedly can trust (kelly's, the guy who gives him hospitality, etc.)
        
        people he genuinely trusts
        
        spends a lot of time with
      - writing this in an interesting way: IH keeps a secret by not saying something
    - - "meaning" is kept a secret (on the surface)
      - side thought: secrets are seemingly kept from the majority (the public)
      - writing this in an interesting way: HSR keeps a secret by saying something (covering up the truth)
        
        saying something besides what the author directly means
        
        in other words, by not explaining
- - - - the secondary thing that is as confusing as a secret, is how the poems are seemingly saying something; but it's hard to figure out what exactly is being said; what is being said
        
        it's like "I can tell there's something in the poem... grasping the meaning of the poems (even though all the words are there), is like trying to grab hold of soap; and not being sure, at the same time, whether you really are holding the bar of soup, or if it's actually farther away, and it's just an illusion"
        
        the key to understanding the poems might be (but not limiting to): being gentle in reading; and acknowledging that you won't understand everything, and that's alright
        
        gentle, like when handling a bar of soap; not grasping on too tight; accept the object as it is
  - - - after gradually dropping larger reminders that there is a problem (or conflict, might be a better way to describe it), the author reveals an issue that hasn't yet been mentioned
  - - - the difference is in what each accomplishes; the accomplishment of keeping something unknown , is different from the accomplishment of not including something (whether it's a detail or a topic, theme, etc....)
- - - - meaning, there are somethings that the public doesn't need to know, regardless of the reader's opinion on it
        
        we just need to accept the fact that there are times when we don't need to know everything to absorb the fruits of an author's work
    - - if the receiver of the message/secret does not understand the importance of it, there is no point in sharing the secret in the first place
  - - - the reader wouldn't be learning something if they didn't understand; it would be just knowing
    - - super small side note; depending on the person and their personal experiences