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CC201: Transforming Conflict in Conscious Coliving (title TBC) v.01 -…
CC201: Transforming Conflict in Conscious Coliving (title TBC) v.01
Day 1: What is conflict and why does it arise
The two sides of coin for conscious coliving
Conflict can blow up community
Conflict may happen more because you are in community (you can avoid your mum by not talking to her. We can avoid (obvious) conflict by living on our own) - see it as more chance to practice and grow!
Conscious community is support. What are you missing out on by avoiding living with people?
Conflict can be an awesome opportunity for growth
Conflict happens - that’s life
brief insight into sociological theories
role biology and psychology plays in conflict
Why controlling or overcoming conflict doesn't work
Research into the impact of conflict in communities
Conflict especially happens in community
But conflict can be a good thing
The truman show - life without conflict feels awfully strange
So why does conflict happen?
Day 5: How to not be a sociopath
Communicate with Non-Violent Communication. Expressing needs skilfully (e.g. Your music is way too loud, turn it down vs “I find it difficult to concentrate …)
Piaget experiment with kids video (which experiment? check with Rufus)
Know your control drama (and how to regulate it) (Celestine Prophecies James Redfield)
Learn to Communicate your boundaries in a healthy way
Judge lest ye be Judged: absolve judgement and seek perspective. Questions you can ask: What makes you feel this way? What's my racket?
Cocktail for disaster: Unresolved Trauma and Ignorance
How do you know you're not a sociopath?
Characteristics for conscious coliving - emotional intelligence (other traits)
How to foster greater emotional intelligence personally
Why get emotionally intelligent: 1. Its better for those around you. 2. It reduces internal conflict which causes suffering
Resolving trauma and becoming more emotionally intelligent is a long journey and requires hard work. We cannot cover all of the methods, techniques and approaches here, but...
Meet Sociopath Syd
Learn to receive feedback
Observe your triggers
Day 6: When avoidance doesn't work: Conflict resolution processes
Perspective shifting: We can take “physical” perspective but many of us struggle to be able to take “view” perspective (source of so much conflict)
There’s loads of options. Here are a few curated examples that we recommend
EMPHASIZE: process is really secondary to capacity. No process will work without the capacity to listen, to limit activation, to act in good faith etc
Family systems and how it plays out in communities
Intro: No matter what you do, conflict still happens
Have a mediator where possible otherwise make room for balanced negotiation (eg. have a object for holding when talking)
Common Best Practices
Acknowledge the conflict and the validity of each persons emotions in the conflict
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model (5 responses on an assertive/cooperative scale)
Create a supportive, yet neutral environment
The 4 Rs process
Process oriented approach to conflict: the solution is within the conflict itself
Circling
Building resilience through dialogues
Day 7: The Finale
Suggested courses
Come to a residency
Recap
Mediatorswithoutborders
Feedback is super useful if able to integrate
Transforming conflict builds stronger communities and greater resilience = more options to build a weller, wiser world together
Day 4: Avoiding conflict the right way
Clear agreements and contracts in advance so people are aware of expectations and people can be held accountable - if not in agreeance then don't join (could refer to Myka's call)
Determine Values before moving in together
Insurance for resources
Intro
based on the greatest causes, you can do this...
Get clear on the intentions of the coliving space
Make sure the person joining is not a scoiopath
Clear vetting process - don't just fill the space
Day 0 - This is what you will learn
Feel they understand why conflict arises
How to confidently meditate/use conflict for transformation
We hope you're excited.. After cc101
Reflect on why you've signed up
Other things to do (Join Coliving Group)
Welcome
Day 2: Myths
Conflict is a competition (It's actually team game)
Someone is always right (It's actually two different perspectives)
Someone should be punished (both should be forgiven)
Conflict is bad (It's actually great!) healthy vs toxic
Conflict should be avoided (Take it head on)
Conflict is always angry (Misplaced energy not channeled correctly)
Conflict is about the "washing up" (roots are usually emotional/belief based)
If this community was healthy there wouldn't be conflict (wrong: it's not a cult)
Intro
Day 3: Greatest causes of conflict in community
The washing up (and other chores)
Finances
Not an initial seed but causes the ripples Relationships - breakdown and dysfunction (complexity within a community and the ripples, polyamory/monogamy & friendships)
Leaving and Entering the Community
Power Dynamics
Judgement/lack of perspective
Change
Intro
Bonus: and if all of this hasn't worked . . . how to exit with integrity (check if this is useful/truthful with Karl)
Reduce collateral damage: so the impact is minimal for all including wider community members
Defeated to angry: how to depart with peace of mind
Sometimes conflict just doesn't get resolved desirably (i.e. someone wants to exit). In that case . . .
Reflect at a later date, once the emotions have died down
Don't despair that all communties/people are like this experience
Have an ending/closing conversation.
Be civil once a solution has been agreed upon