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Jana's Self-Understanding, Half Filipina/ Half White, Ironically, the…

- - - - I went through the major stages of being catholic like first communion in 2nd grade and confirmation in 10th grade. However, during covid I stopped going to church and when I got to JMU I really started questioning the inherited beliefs and values from the teachings of the church. This at first worried me that I was someone who wasn't loyal to her roots, but I realized it was me learning and thinking critically.
        
        I questioned the church's view on homosexual relationships and imposing boundaries on who people can love and what they can do with their loved one. Prior to this I did not examine my views towards personal subjects like homosexuality or even women's rights over their bodies.
        
        Currently, I am in a limbo state where I consider myself catholic for my family and I attend Church with them when they go. However, my relationship with the teachings and what the church stands for has been strained for a while. I believe in a higher being (God) but I find myself drifting away from Jesus and his teachings as the son of God. Even writing this I feel torn admitting this because my past self would be appalled to hear this.
- - - - We are only two years apart so we are very close. I picked up a lot of behavioral traits from her she was my first best friend. I spent many years chasing after her for recognition and attention. That eventually turned into competition and I strove to be a more diligent worker and student than her. I would get good grades and behave in ways that I thought was mature so I could feel like I was better than her for a long time. Until I realized that I was ignoring her strengths and not celebrating her in the ways that she should be celebrated.
        
        My sister has been a huge part of my self-growth process. We used to be terrible communicators back in the day and would fight a lot. In recent years, I have been able to express deep feelings I had in the past and we had a dialog where we talked about our past relationship and our current selves came to new understandings which has makes us much closer today.
    - - My first experience of getting over a lost one was when I was old enough to consciously know about the death of my twin sister. This shaped me into someone who is able to deal with sadness and vulnerability from a young age.
    - - Having a younger brother has shaped the caretaking side of me. He is five years younger than me so I have always felt the need to watch out for him and support him if he ever needs it. Being a middle child humbled me. Having a kind younger brother makes me self-reflect and make sure I am someone he can look up to.
  - - - The parts of me that are intelligent, empathetic, positive, independent, and hardworking come primarily from my mom. She is a storyteller and loves to reminisce. From her influence I was motivated to excel in school by getting high grades and learning a lot regardless of the topic. Her influence shaped me into someone who is very willing to listen to others problems and be present with them.
    - - My dad is very social and goofy is a good term to describe him. He loves joking around and I get a lot of my humor from him. I also have a vast amount of 70s and 80s pop and rock songs that I know because of him. I bond with him over music and anything volleyball related. He is more strict than my mother about things like chores and putting in work. He has always pushed me to be diligent and has expressed his pride whenever I accomplish things like receiving academic rewards or winning my tennis matches. I at myself as someone who respects authority because of my dad's influence.
    - - I am a very loved and supported human being.
    - - I am someone who is very blessed to have very supportive and reliable family friends. These are an extra layer of family to me who constantly check in. They were a big part of my upbringing and why I look at myself as a confident person.
- - - - Reading fiction novels has taken up a lot of my time throughout middle and high school and summers at college. I found my first hobby when I discovered the feel of being transported into another universe through written words. It is different than shows because it is my mind in the book and I have creative freedom to picture the characters and settings however I wish. I am someone who enjoys living vicariously and following the experiences of others.
        
        When my schedule in high school started getting busier I read less and started watching more shows. I specifically started watching anime because my friends from middle school seemed to like it so I decided to check it out. Reflected on this shows me that my past self was curious and open to different things.
    - - I LOVE SINGING. My whole family loves singing. Karaoke is a big thing in Filipino culture too. I grew up loving to sing, dance, and preform with my siblings for my parents and my grandparents when we would have family get togethers. I view myself as someone with god given talent because I can sing. I am very proud of this part of me.
    - - Some of my favorite artists right now include to Paramore, Kehlani, Jhene Aiko, Laufey, and Lizzie McAlpine. Listening to these artist makes me feel that I am an emotional being who enjoys experiencing cycles of emotions and thinking deeper about the underlying messages in love and life.
        
        A lot of my self-concept comes from having song lyrics resonate with me and thinking about why they do.
      - During Covid-19 quarantine I spent numerous hours trying to make the best playlists to fit my moods. I ended up making too many and having to delete some. This made me realize how situational listening to music is. One day I could listen to a song a feel happy and
        
        This shows me that I spend a lot of time thinking about feelings, moods, and emotions. I am someone who is unafraid to look within.
    - - I enjoy watching wholesome romance and action anime. Many plots have characters who initially start with assumptions about the world and as the story goes on they find beauty in things they initially held negative or indifferent emotions. I believe these stories have made me a more understanding and openminded person who looks for the best in others.
        I have always been a bit hesitant to admit that I watch anime because it has been associated with weird or negative stereotypes by the public.
  - - - I was on many volleyball teams throughout middle and high school. Looking back at how I played and the social roles I was in during my time on those teams, I realize that I could have put in more time and practice while I was on those teams. I used to focus on staying positive during games and not getting in your head and that made me stand apart from the crowd. However, as a team sport I often found myself with a sense of lack of belonging. This now makes me think of myself as someone who had to learn the importance building connections a bit later in life.
      - This is my Dad's favorite sport and the rest of my immediate family plays too.
    - - My mother's favorite sport and mine as well. I see myself as a sporty person who excelled at tennis in high school, because I was put through so many tennis lessons as a kid. I see my past self as more of a tennis player than me right now. Currently, I see myself as a member of a tennis playing family.