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Interpersonal Relationship: How to stand firmly and feel stable and self…
Interpersonal Relationship:
How to stand firmly and feel stable and self-assured among people or in a communities
by Dr Paul Hauck
Wish
more harmony among relationships
less loneliness
less frustrated
less shy
less envy
more initiatives
more understanding and acceptance, bigger chest
my reflections
fear --> avoid hurting others' feeling
fear --> avoid rejections
fear --> avoid facing failure
merits of standing firm among family members, friends, colleagues, church members, students, strangers...
undesired results like buying something I don't need
doing something you do not agree or lack of time to do something you should be responsible
lack of encourage to express myself
not able to understand others better and one-way communication and accumulated undesired mood
let others get used to give you second best or not listening to your comments or remarks
not to create a culture to spoil others but not you
others may not know what is fair deal or treat others in a fair and reasonable way
reserve your right and not to lower self-image
miss the good opportunities to deal with the important issues rather than procrastination or excuses or postpone
if not to voice out on the right time, eventually I regretted
voice out in progressive manner is the essential steps to improve outcomes you look for
stand firm --> seek improvement otherwise constraint the development
be courage and brave to express my needs, wants or entitled
not to be deprived by others (authoritarians) , not to be slaves
being firm sometimes are expected from others (esp. followers)
autonomy & self-control are often good
standing firm // take initiative to care others or share yourself // express your talent
able to face comments, remarks and discern what is laughing or right advice
protect my right and others'
not to accumulate the rubbish in between others and stand firm to clear them in a gentle sincere and smart way
my opinion weighs in a certain extent
characteristics of being weak not firm
hid your own needs
fear to reject others
others must be better than mine
neglect self-respect or value; not a big name
recess in behaviour
unclear expression
submissive to others' will
psychological conditions
suppressed because not being able to express my own feeling or thoughts or needs
self-value turns to low
not to like or love yourself
feeling to be hurt or suppressed; the personal or civil right not being protected
fear often
feeling guilty, even in a right position
anger because the outcome is not what you want
standing firm means
gentle but not to shy
pay attention to self-worthy
also concerning others' right, value and roles
clear and relaxed voice and verbal content
hold firm your principles, even others reject or against
be courage and brave to face others' or public pressure or comments or bad words
being able to stand and face accusations or complaints or blackmail
learn to be content because you are able to protect your right and benefit and in balance with others' interest or concerns
interacting with others in a fair, reasonable, respectable and balanced way
able to admit not perfect aspects in things and be honest to yourself and others
be responsible to my own deeds and words among others
stable and adult mood in response to others
resistance or blocking to you being firm in principles or fair deals...
environmental factors: others' strong opinions
someone may be (un)intended or subconsciously to resist you, looking down or attack you
eg. as what i said early
your weak or self-low attitude may lead to others' resistance
using truth like blaming others
being first
embarrassing
personal habit of recessing
misconceptions or wrong principles
stand firm = gentle, caring others and self both, reasonable and fair and communicable
stand firm =\ rude or self-centred or hurt others' right
reject others' request =\ hurt because the request may not be right or good or limited in some ways
NOT really: my opinions << others
stand firm =\ cool or groaning only
love others --> sacrifice truth or facts
submission =\ respect
we may acknowledge the senior members' thoughts but not necessarily exactly follow
caring others is thought as hypocritic in others' eye
academic qualification =\ authorities or truth
fulfilling your own needs is not a wrong thing or selfish
get used to submit to "parental" type persons or "academics"
fear for failure or even failed again
fear is not necessarily concerned when expressing yourself
ways to learn standing firm
give up the incorrect belief and use your determinant to be that
tell or share your will to change from soft to firm with my own opinions
be prepared that others would be surprised by your renewed attitudes
be prepared your words or expression may not be the best or even not very clear sometimes but keep standing firm
observe how others face difficulties or rebellions, in terms of their attitudes, expressions, gestures, deeds, or responses
start from small things: meal issues in a restaurants, food issues in fruit stalls, ...
be prepared to failure outcome and but get courage and prepared for the next. Learn from the lesson and avoid for the next time.
set a clear goal or target to achieve and self-talk to encourage to go in a right way and be prepared to get into a right track
vocabulary
courtesy
a flushed face
patience
be misunderstood
life principles
the unfairness aggrieves you
confront / clarification
being looked down / being disregarded / being belittled
being ignored
recessed
embarrassed
being constrained
rejection
not firm or not determined
right, advantage, benefit
self-protect responsibility
procrastination
autonomy
positive and initiative to develop yourself
self-expression
overcome fear
eliminate guilty feeeling
less chance to be angry
not necessarily holding gist firm but a gentle way
yes-man
self-worth
negative cycle
authoritarian is strict
be wronged
eye contact
calm, take it easy
imitate
tone
learn again and revise
invasion of your privacy; offend you, violate
weak feeble
disappointment or frustration
can't say no or can't refuse
softie, dependent, no opinion, no definite view vs independent,
I do think or in my opinion
self-value
I think I'm right
all men are created equal
good times and bad times, in smooth water, favourable circumstances
toughness resilience
everything depends on my own vs a mummy's boy
gentle but not shy with self-confidence and worthy
persistent but not stubborn with principles and patience to stand with pressure
try to have win win situation with respect to others and the self
weakness: recess, hiding, confusing, unclear, low self worth, not like the self, suppressed, be hurt or invaded, silence, fear authoritarian, manipulate me, fear rejection, hurt, failure, poverty
manipulation means: accusation, emotional blackmail
not expect everything to be perfect
no guilty if you have a different opinion and sometimes you are not responsible for
convincing others
facing rejection or refuse =\ no self-value but different value or perspective or info obtained
not: bring trouble to oneself, you deserve it, you asked for it
being rational mind to discern what important things are and not too calculating, not to expect others love you as a pet
present your rational reasonable grounded deeds, not just to please others for pet love!
not to be over generalization on yourself or others upon some sorts of disappointment or frustration
not to worry about your idea or suggestions or opinions not good enough or to bear the responsibility because everyone needs to sort out the solution on their own and be responsible for their own actions and consequence
play the game of blaming others
feel sorry about herself, self-pity
to autonomy for your own life, can you avoid making decisions? every decision can be correct or best for your next step or near future? Good decision making comes from plenty of bad decision consequences.
know yourself and what you want from others: peaceful exchanges
tone and manner is very important
politeness
soft and firm with relaxed tone
content is not to raise up any opposition or violence
change topic or walk away if the situation gets worst
if coward, it may lead to further bully or trouble. Or make a call for help
if being chased for long, you may stand up to protect yourself without guilty
to be economically equipped, professional work skills, specialist knowledge, work related experience, enough saving, daily life skills
courage to act
win others' respect
others' manipulation, self-inferior vs self-confidence, autonomy
overcome the coward manner
get rid of some sorts of wrong concepts:
no use after voice out; self-worthy vs self-fish; needs vs rights vs equality; respect vs blindly follow the senior's instructions; over-enduring not reasonable actions --> it's not respect and appropriate \submission; others' convincing manner=\ the truth or appropriate to you;; flatten you by qualification; Using what I said before, to manipulate your guilty feeling. Withdrawal from group decision making like family, it does not mean you don't need to bear the responsibilities .Manipulation mean (guilty motive) by if you really love me, ....demand something.. not to be overly sympathetic. Can change? :The way i am! stand firm to express yourself needs not to hurt others or rudeness . it is not necessary or reasonable to expect the like from everyone. you don't know whether there will be as result of your input opinion. if not hurting others, no body would stop you doing that. giving in return for something is good for a married couple?.
make every effort to stand firm on your principles;
determined to be brave and gentle;
be prepared for the painful change by looking ahead the mature growth; not set a boundary for your own. set back doesn't matter at all. It would continue to show up every day. Am I over-sensitive or over-calculating that annoying others? I knew my mistake and not afraid of how others talk about it. rational analysis is important for deal with the things or deeds, not personalized accusations. your deeds are a essential way to obtain others' respect. Not to hesitate and do or speak it now. Practice process is more important than successful results. cheerful and contented manner. to give the consequence for the action done but to say it clearly in earlier time.to practise say no with your grounded reasons. take risk because hesitation or fear attempt and failure would cause you a lot of money.
complacent, self-satisfied, pleased with herself
seeking mutual satisfaction in marriage