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Getting To Yes - Coggle Diagram

- - - - Ask 'Why Not' Think about their choice.
        
        'Whose decision do I want to affect' & What decision do they see that I am asking of them.
    - - The other side basically never has the same interests as you.
    - - Security, economic well-being, a sense of belonging, recognition, control over one's life.
    - - Writing down interests as you go.
    - - Make your interests come alive.
        
        Be specific, this allows you to make strong arguments, do not make it seem like you are attacking the other side.
        
        Acknowledge their interests as part of the problem.
        
        If you want the other side to appreciate your interests, begin by appreciating theirs.
        
        Put the problem before your answer.
        
        Tell them your concerns before putting a solution upon them.
        
        Look forward, not back.
        
        Often times we get into just arguing for the sake of arguing without actually seeking agreement.
        
        Instead of asking them to justify their past action, ask them what to do for tomorrow.
        
        Be concrete but flexible.
        
        Be hard on the problem, soft on the people.
        
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  - - - Do not short cirucit your wider options.
    - - Broaden the number of options on the table, rather than look for a single answer.
      - Search For Mutual Gains
      - Separate the act of judging options from creating them.
        
        Create a brainstorming session for solutions.
        
        Change Location - As different from the real negotiation as possible
        
        Make it Informal
        
        Choose 5 to 8 Participants
        
        Choose a facilitator
        
        Define a purpose.
        
        During Brainstorming
        
        Set Ground Rules - No Criticism of Ideas Is Crucial
        
        Brainstorm - Go wild with the ideas
        
        Seat People Side by Side
        
        Write the ideas down.
        
        Circle chart
        
        Problem
        
        Analysis
        
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        What's wrong? What are the current symptoms, disliked facts contrasted with a preferred situation?
        
        Look through the eyes of different experts.
        
        After Brainstorming
        
        Invent improvements for the most promising ideas
        
        Set up a time to evaluate and decide on the selected ideas
        
        Mark The Most Promising Ideas - Not fully critical, but a bit
        
        Consider Brainstorming with the other side
      - Invent ways of making their decision easy.
  - - - First recognize and understand emotions, theirs and yours.
        
        Write down how you feel and how they feel. And write down how you would like to feel.
        
        Pay Attention to 'Core Concerns'
        
        Attend to the following concerns: Autonomy, Appreciation, Affiliation, Role, Status
      - Consider the role of identity.
      - Make emotions explicit and acknowledge them as legitimate.
        
        If you express emotions, the negotiation becomes pro-active, instead of reactive.
      - Allow the other side to let off steam.
        
        Let them get their feelings out by using active listening.
      - Do not react to emotional outbursts.
      - Use symbolic gestures.
        
        Dinners, gifts, apologies, visits.
    - - Listen Actively, and Acknowledge what is being said.
        
        Stop them occasionally to ask - 'Did I understand that correctly ...'
        
        When Repeating what they said, frame it positively.
      - Speak to be Understood
        
        Always aim to negotiate privately and with the least amount of people possible.
        
        Speak about yourself, not about them.
        
        Convey how you feel, without directly attacking them - 'I feel let down'
      - Speak for a purpose.
        
        Before making a significant statement, know what you want to communicate or find out, also know what purpose this information will serve.
    - - Put yourself in their shoes
      - Do not deduce their intentions from your fears, we often think the other side is trying or doing the thing we fear
      - Do not blame them for a problem
      - Discuss each others perceptions
        
        Communicating loudly and clearly the things they want to hear and you want to say, is one of the best things to do
      - Look for opportunities to act inconsistently with their perceptions.
      - Give them a stake in the outcome, by making sure they participate in the process.
        
        Get them involved early, ask for advice, give generous credit for their ideas.
      - Face-Saving: Make your proposals consistent with their values.
    - - Build a working relationship.
        
        Get to know them before the negotiation, so that you have an established informal relationship.
      - Face The Problem, Not the people.
        
        'If we do not satistfy your problem/needs there is no way we are going to satisfy mine either. Let's see how to satisfy our collective interests'
  - - - If they get to choose the criteria you can use it to you advantage.
- - - - Do not try to defend them, but ask for criticism and advice on your ideas.
    - - Do not reach, deflect the attack onto the problem itself. Let them blow off steam.
    - - Basically get them to explain how their positions benefit the solution of the problem at hand.
  - - - Recognize - Label - Negotiate on the rules
    - - Psychological Warfare
        
        Stressful Situations - Physically Uncomfortable Places
        
        Personal Attacks - Comments on your looks, attacking your statuss, making you wait for them, make you repeat yourself, interrupt you often, deliberately refuse to make eye contact.
        
        Good guy/ Bad Guy routine
        
        Threats
        
        Avoid making them yourself, issue warning, preferably ones that are not directly caused by you.
      - Positional Pressure Tactics
        
        Refusal To Negotiate
        
        Recognize it - Ask Why they do not want to negotiate - Get a third party possibly
        
        Extreme Demands
        
        Mirror them until they feel ridiculous for even offering.
        
        Escalating Demands
        
        Raising of demands, based on concessions, reopening closed issues etc.
        
        Label this behavior, take a break as this tactic is used to make you come up with a decision in a haste.
        
        Lock in tacts - Bluffs that make it seemingly impossible for the other side to change their stance, ignore them, label them
        
        Hardhearted Partner
        
        A Calculated Delay
        
        Using Psychological Pressure with Time Constraints
        
        Take It Or Leave It
        
        Ignore it, Make them understand what they have to lose, let them save face by giving them an opportunity to do so.
      - Deliberate Deception
        
        Phony Facts - Always seek to verify if things are FACTUAL
        
        Ambiguous Authority
        
        Make it clear that nothing is agreed until everything is agreed.
        
        Dubious Intentions
      - Don't be a victim. Ask what game is being played before the negotiation starts, and do not be afraid to be firm if they are firm. Be firm on principle.