Chap2: Coaching Relationship Skills
Relationship: The Heart of Coaching and Growth
Establishing Trust and Rapport
Client finds the answers as far as is possible
Mindfulness
3 Core Coaching Skills
Additional Relationship-Building Tools
A trusting, authentic, and connected bond -1st goal of coaching
Coaching is a growth-fostering relationship that enables clients to reach their goals and get closer to their visions
Best predictor of client success: quality of relationship, 2ndly, coaches's personal charactrisitcs- empathetic, inspring confidence, appreading competent, coach's cown positive mental health, the ability of the coach to operate from the client's value system
respectful, collaborative, client-centered coaching relationship->relatedness->self--determination
Hold unconditional positive regard
-do NOT point out clients' shortcomings and teach them better ways
-Champion clients' strengths and invite them to figure out better ways
-Hold positive regards for client, regardless if what they do or do not accomplish ->bolster self-efficacy &self-esteem
Show Empathy
-Empathy: respectful understanding of another person's experience, including feelings, needs and desires
-EY ack client's right to feel and experience the situation however she chooses without needing pity, sadness or disappointment from the coach
-When clients are struggling, important to connect with their feelings, needs, & desires in a positive, supportive and understanding way
Be a humble Role Model
Slow Down
Under Promise and Over-Deliver
People comes to coaching also for inspiration
Key is neve dominate the conversation with one's own experience in an eagerness to help
Always remain humble knowing coach also still has much to learn
Personal disclosure should be done ONLY to serve the best interest of the client
If in a hurry to "get down to business", trust and rapport will be lost
slow down, be completely present, and savor every moment with each client
Deliver on every promise, be on time
Going beyond the expected minimum is a great way to build rapport and trust
Fostering growth, not forcing it; Client is driver's seat, coach in passenger seat
Ask permmision when giving expertise or teaching, leaving the client in control of their decision and choices
When it is given , info should be offered in response to a request or offered as a choice, and be framed as a possibility rather than a prescription
Confidentiality is crucial
Be Authentic
"Share what is there" with compasssion, empathy and care
Mindfulness- non-judgmental awareness of what is happening in the present moment, health promoting intervention
Mindfulness is a way to break free from being autopilot, we wake up to the experience of what is going around us and within in WHILE IT IS happening
Strategy to promote 1. minimize distraction, 2. relaxation and reminder techniques
Coach can do mindful exercise with client and offer advice for clients to elevate mindfulness between sessions
Coach needs to practice mindfulness themselves, which also helps coach to manage their emotions
Mindful Listening
Open-Ended Inquiry
Perceptive Reflection
Positive Reframing: Framing a client's experience in positive terms
Avoid root-cause analysis when dealing with complaints, reframe in positive terms without dismissing the problem
Remind the client setback are part of the learning
SILENCE: Coach cannot Listen while talking
Client talk more than twice as much as coach
Silence provides client a sense of autonomy, and convey coach's confidence in client's competence
Humor and Playfulness
Coaching conversation does NOT need to have a serious tone
Make client laugh and see the lighter side of things
make client open to experimentation
Use empathy to choose when to use humor
do NOT laugh at client, can laugh at self
championing
champion client's ability to realize goals, esp when they lack self-efficacy
When coach has an upbeat and energetic attitude, combined with a positive outlook, clients are more about to find courage for change.
When client is struggling, coach reassure them that different people move toward mastery at different speeds and at different times in their lives. When they are ready, they can and will succeed.
coach facilitate clients to be in flow zone
Solicit Input and Suggestion
build the coaching relationship
Upon receipt of criticism, listen for and respond to unmet needs of the client, Thank them.
Never jump to conclusion, ask for client's perceptions, interpretations and points of view
Most important coaching skills, Listending that brings full, nonjudgmental awareness of what someone is saying in the present moment is hallmark for great coaching
Listen for the whole, facts, feelings and needs behind facts, trends and repeated patterns
coach set aside their agenda to pay singular attention to client's agenda
Both coach and clients need mindfulness in coaching, frees one to make informed decisions about new directions
What and How are the best
"Why" can be used to elicit autonomous motivation
Use close ended question, when asking if client wants to commit
Don't rush the client in their story telling, invite clients to elaborate, don't ask them to cut through the chase
Display curiosity; Don't make assumptions or launch too quickly into advice giving
Listen to what is said, what is not said; great inquiries elicit what is on the client's mind, not what is on the coach's mind
Another form of listening; enable the client to hear what they are saying from the vantage point of another person
Accept client's decision about what to share, what to keep private
Engage the limbic region of the brain that regulate emotion, rewards and pleasure
Inquiry - engage the COE region of the brain->analytical
Together, they engage full brain to be used.
Purpose is to elicit ideas and conversation in the client which supports change; move the client forward and engage them in search for more self-awareness, higher well-being and the "best" me.
Reflection does NOT need to be right to be effective