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Second year essay comments - Coggle Diagram
Second year essay comments
Schmitt-Lenin essay (52/100)
Too descriptive
Try to be direct, explain the ideas of the thinkers quickly.
Try and have an arguement hook running throughout the entire essay.
Improve structure
Paragraphs should be shorted.
Text darts around a bit, try and keep though flowing in one line.
Al-Jazeera lit review (70/100)
Use more examples to support the arguements.
History essay (70/100)
The essay is overall well balanced and engages with the scholarship.
Good arguements.
Intro
The introduction should take the time and space required to explain the importance of the topic and how the argument will come together.
Provided too much context.
Structure
The structure of the essay could be better developed, remeber to ensure there is signposting of the arguements.
Iraqi cultural policy (72/100)
The essay could benefit from being organised into clearly signposted sections to improve readability.
Try to make it clear the difference between cited points and my own points.
Remeber to use page numbers when citing.
Rodney-Fukyama essay (68/100)
Paragraphs in future could be a little shorter.
Try to ensure that both thinkers get covered.
Global Jihad essay (70/100)
An excellent account of the story of Jihadism from Qutb and Azzam et al. You've demonstrated a strong command of the key figures and events that predate Operation Cyclone.
Seccond history essay (66/100)
If the Bazaaris were inclined towards Islamist politics, would they not fall into the camp of Islamist social forces? --
clear up reasons for including different arguements.
The essay could have discussed the role of secular political parties that were driven underground, including the Tudeh party. --
Be as concise as possibel to fit as much in as possible.
The essay is overall well written and makes a good attempt to highlight the non-Islamist elements at play.
Role of social media in the Arab Spring (75/100)
This is an excellent essay in which you have demonstrated excellent knowledge of the role of social media in the Arab Spring.
Your literature review is very succinct and reflect key studies on the topic. --
good to include
However, your essay could have been structured based on themes/topics that could have cemented your argument. --
structure, themes as a way of shaping the essay
Also, your essay could have benefited from the debate on the role of traditional media and social media in the Arab Spring.
Democratisation in Morocco (78/100)
How the case compares with wider realities on the continent is also less clear. --
try to tie ideas in together and try and be holistic
However, some areas of the analysis were not clearly linked to aspects of the consolidation of democracy.
Rember to focus on the primary objective of the essay and highlight that.
Citation