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The Alter Ego Effect - Todd Herman - Coggle Diagram

- - - - The Core Self is where your deep desires, aspirations, and dreams reside.
        
        Human beings have a collection of intrinsic motivators that, when you tap into them, drive a more meaningful level of action. eg.
        
        Growth, the desire to improve and constantly get better
        
        Curiosity, the desire to discover new things
        
        Mastery, the desire to learn and become excellent at something
        
        Adventure, the desire to be challenged and explore the world and ourselves
        
        Enjoyment, the desire to feel satisfied with our efforts and lost in the moment
        
        Self-mastery, the desire to feel autonomous and to direct your own life
        
        Love, the desire to care deeply for someone or something
      - Who we are, specifically the person we bring to our various Fields of Play and how we perform, is heavily influenced by external and internal factors.
        
        4 layers of influence - surrounding your core
        
        LAYER 1: YOUR CORE DRIVERS (WHAT MOTIVATES YOU AT A GRANDER SCALE THAN YOURSELF)
        
        deeply care about, deeply relate to and deeply identify with
        
        provide a sense of purpose , often things people think define them eg. family religion gender race cause
        
        LAYER 2: THE BELIEF LAYER (HOW YOU DEFINE YOURSELF AND THE WORLD AROUND YOU)
        
        This is where you’ll find your attitudes, beliefs, values, perceptions, experiences, and expectations toward how you see yourself and how you perceive the world around you
        
        LAYER 3: THE ACTION LAYER (HOW YOU SHOW UP)
        
        This represents the skills, competencies, and knowledge we’ve developed over time. It’s also the behaviors, actions, and reactions we have on the Field of Play and during our Moments of Impact.
        
        LAYER 4: THE FIELD OF PLAY (WHAT’S HAPPENING)
        
        This is the area of context. In this layer, we’re influenced by our actual physical environment; the circumstances; the constraints; the people, places, and things that we interact with; and their expectations.
        
        https://www.notion.so/image/https%3A%2F%2Fs3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com%2Fsecure.notion-static.com%2Fb8252bd9-c289-469e-89fe-684c2510b2c5%2FScreenshot_2022-09-26_100158.png?table=block&id=1ca3c83c-4a91-4c04-b7cd-639505dda00d&spaceId=39b6a0e8-8a67-4910-aee5-79a981c19198&width=600&userId=665544e8-e7b2-4939-9bc9-5f5e29042d8e&cache=v2
        
        All of these layers influence and shape how you think, feel, and see yourself in relation to the different areas of your life or what we refer to as the Fields of Play.
        
        be more intentional about who needs to show up on that field. This isn’t about dishonoring who you are. This is about really looking at the characteristics that will help you succeed, and bringing that part of you to life with the help of an Alter Ego.
        
        one Field of Play doesn’t define you as a person
  - - - Self Suppressive
        
        If you approach any activity to avoid a challenge, it’s a form of suppression. When you set the orientation, like a compass, to negative motivation and do something to avoid some pain, or avoid something altogether, it makes it more difficult to see yourself as the person who can solve your own problems.
        
        In the research and work we’ve done, we refer to it as the Ow Mindset and the Wow Mindset. Suppressing the Ow Mindset means your intentions and actions are motivated by negative emotions; you’re trying to prevent bad things from happening. Whether they’re thoughts, feelings, or experiences, you’re “suppressing” to avoid perceived pain, the Ow Mindset.
      - Self Expansive
        
        “Wow Mindset,” is when your intentions are motivated by a positive or growth mindset.
        
        You’re trying to activate or gain something more in life, whether it’s positive thoughts, emotions, or experiences.
        
        Setting the orientation to positive emotion and being motivated to create something positive in your life, over the long term, habitually and as a routine, enhances your self-efficacy. It builds your confidence, courage, and sense of control over your ability to face life’s challenges; it creates a Heroic Self.
        
        Becoming clear about your intentions, identifying the benefits you get from an activity, and determining what you want to achieve on a Field of Play is what will help unlock your Heroic Self.
    - - If you go back to the center of the Field of Play Model, and you turn to face the Extraordinary World, the common thoughts, emotions, and experiences you have as you move through each of those layers “expand” your Core Self and you end up feeling Heroic.
      - In the Extraordinary World, your “orientation” has been set to “positive.” The Enemy has a harder time stopping you with its arrows of doubt, temptation, anger, ego, and fear because you build an Alter Ego using all of the layers to bring a powerful set of characteristics or Superpowers onto a specific Field of Play.
      - The Extraordinary World is extraordinary because we tackle life head-on, we challenge it, and we don’t let distractions slow us down.
      - It also allows you to suspend disbelief about your capabilities, because you’re taking an Alter Ego onto the Field of Play. And this Alter Ego, just like Beyoncé’s, Sasha Fierce, protects your Core Self from the tools the Enemy uses to stop you.
    - - If you imagine standing at the center of the Field of Play Model, and you turn to face the Ordinary World, the common thoughts, emotions, and experiences you have as you move through each of those layers “suppress” your Core Self and you end up feeling Trapped.
      - The common experience in the Ordinary World is this sense that it’s not you running the show. It’s this feeling like the “real you” is trapped by some negative story, belief, or circumstance you can’t find a way to overcome. But the Enemy is a wily little bugger and it’s always waiting any time it senses just a bit of trepidation, negative motivation, and lack of clear intent on who is going to show up on a Field of Play.
      - The Ordinary World can be summed up with two words: destructive and uninspired. It is destructive to our Core Self and uninspired through our results. So it’s important to realize that this Trapped Self, which most people feel is who they are, isn’t you. The Core Self has resources available to activate a different side of you, the Heroic Self, with the help of an Alter Ego.
- - - - 1: The first one is the obvious reference to the sports world and the idea that there are chalk lines, borders, and a starting and end point to the activity happening on the field. This is to help you recognize that we carry ourselves into many different fields in our lives, many different stages and arenas. And each one demands a different set of skills, attitudes, and mindsets to be successful.
        
        It’s one of the reasons why the Alter Ego Effect is so powerful: you become truly intentional about who’s ending up on that field.
      - 2: PLAY
        
        have fun with the process
        
        take a playful attitude
  - - - Stopping
      - Starting
      - Continuing
      - Less of
      - More of
    - - Because we’re specifically talking about the results or outcomes you’d like to change, we’ll only be using two of the “bridges” to help define your Ordinary World on the specific Field of Play you’ve chosen. Make a list for each category below, and ask yourself, “What do I want to . . .”
        
        Stop experiencing/stop getting as a result or outcome
        
        Experience less of/get less of
- - - - Not controlling our emotions
      - Lacking self-confidence
      - Worrying about what others may think of us
      - Doubting our abilities
      - Taking more risks in life
      - Not being intentional
      - A bad attitude
    - - The problem that arises when someone isn’t being intentional is that they can carry aspects of their personality onto the Field of Play that are not suited for the activity.
  - - - Imposter syndrome
        
        not believing that your achievements are down to your skill and hard work
        
        When the Enemy rears up in the form of imposter syndrome, it will whisper a sinister narrative into your ear, spinning a story that your success is more about luck or serendipity or your genes than hard work. It causes people to dismiss their skills and capabilities or previous wins
        
        When plagued by imposter syndrome, people don’t take themselves, their abilities, or their accomplishments seriously. If you don’t take yourself seriously on any Field of Play, you most likely won’t be getting the results you want.
      - Personal trauma
        
        You can’t heal emotional scars with an Alter Ego. However, you don’t need to carry that weight with you everywhere you go.
        
        The Enemy will blame you for bringing it on yourself, or tell you people with your past can’t overcome it. That story spinning inside is coming from the Enemy.
        
        To be clear, your personal history isn’t the Enemy. The Enemy only uses past traumas against you if it can. People have things happen to them all the time that they would never want, but they use them to fuel their success.
      - Narratives
        
        This is one of the more powerful forces because it affects your thinking and behavior on your Field of Play from the Core Drivers. These are the deeper things you connect yourself to and the unconscious beliefs you’ve adopted because of prevailing narratives.
        
        The Enemy is sneaky. It slips in unnoticed and attaches itself to stories about what a certain group of people can or can’t do. It creates beliefs about who is worthy of achieving something, which you may have unwittingly adopted and now color the way you see the world and what’s possible.
        
        Too often, the Enemy causes us to become so concerned with upsetting the people closest to us that it impacts our decisions. It causes us to make choices counter to what’s in the best interest of our careers, creative endeavors, and what we truly want.
        
        I can’t tell you the number of people who, when we start to examine what’s going on, turn out to be afraid of showing up as a Heroic Self. Why? Because they’re afraid of success, and it causing them to leave their Ordinary World and enter their Extraordinary World, where their friends and family may not accept their new reality. They’ll find themselves wandering in a desolate land, alone and lonely with nobody there to support them.
- - - - Continue experiencing/continue getting as a result/continue achieving
      - Experience more of/get more of/achieve more of
      - Start experiencing/start achieving/start getting
      - To make it easier for you, these results would all be things you could hear, see, taste, touch, or smell.
      - eg;
        
        Continue hearing the positive feedback on your creative work
        
        Get more interviews
        
        Start a new career
    - - you want to think about the actions, behaviors, and skills your Alter Ego will use to help make those outcomes happen.
      - The questions to ask yourself are, what do you want to:
        
        Start doing/start responding/start behaving/start choosing/start saying/start thinking/start attempting
        
        Do more of/choose more of/behave more like/say more of/think more of/attempt more of
        
        Continue doing/continue choosing/continue thinking/continue behaving/continue saying/continue attempting
      - The Action Layer contains your actions, reactions, behaviors, skills, and knowledge. It’s all the capabilities that you’re bringing to your Field of Play.
      - How are you showing up? How are you acting? How are you behaving? What choices are you making? If you pass all those questions over the bridges of Starting, Continuing, and More of, you’ll get even more clear about how the “new you” will show up
- - - - Trauma
      - Destiny
      - Altruism
      - Self-expression
    - - In all of these situations, their real purpose was eventually transformed by the Core Drivers outlined in the Field of Play Model in chapter 3:
        
        Family
        
        Community
        
        Nation
        
        Religion
        
        Race
        
        Gender
        
        Identifiable Group
        
        Idea
        
        Cause
    - - The Five Whys is a problem-solving tool, invented by Sakichi Toyoda, the founder of Toyota Motor Company, in the 1930s, and more formally developed by Taiichi Ohno, a pioneer of the Toyota Production System in the 1950s. The Five Whys helps someone to find and understand the cause of a problem.
      - It’s a relatively simple process, and great to help you figure out what’s really motivating you. Here’s what you do: ask “Why?” and keep asking until you get to the core, to that place of deep emotional resonance.
        
        Use as many “Why?” questions as you need. And if you continue with this process you’ll almost always end up finding it leads to one of the Core Drivers: Family, Community, Nation, Religion, Race, Gender, Identifiable Group, Idea, or Cause. This is like drilling for oil. You keep asking until you discover a “gusher of emotion.” You’ll know it when you hit it, because the emotion will be strong.
      - So the simple question becomes: Why do you want to Activate this Heroic Self onto your Field of Play?
        
        Is it because of a deep connection to:
        
        Family?
        
        Community?
        
        Nation?
        
        Religion?
        
        Race?
        
        Gender?
        
        Identifiable Group?
        
        Idea?
        
        Cause?
      - Or your original motivation could be stemming from something like a hurt, being wronged, creative expression, or a selfish need. But you’ll find that as you move forward, you’re going to discover a new Core Driver that will sustain you over the long term.
- - - - If you’re unsure, try filling in the blank with this question: “I wish I was . . .”
      - If you’re still getting stuck with the traits you want to possess to help you show up on your Field of Play as you want, revisit anything you captured back in chapter 4, “Your Ordinary World,” and flip the traits holding you back into the opposite.
      - What or who represents the adjectives you selected? Is there someone you associate confidence with? It could be someone who also is on your Field of Play, or maybe it’s someone in a different sector, business, or industry whom you admire for their confidence. There’s no limit here. There’s no right or wrong answer. There’s no judgment, either, on what or whom you choose.
      - All that matters is that you select something or someone that you deeply resonate with.
    - - what traits do they have that you admire or appreciate?
    - - The best Alter Ego is the one you have the deepest emotional connection with; emotional connection trumps everything.
      - If there’s a character that you’ve loved since you were fifteen years old then it’s worth looking into. If there’s an actor you’ve always admired, start there. If there’s a mentor, or a family member like a parent, grandparent, aunt, or uncle, go with it.
      - The great benefit of the sources we’ve just run through is because you had so much contact with them, whether by reading, watching, or interacting with them, you can easily adopt and create the same traits and qualities into your Alter Ego or Secret Identity. It’s like an “Alter Ego in a Box,” because the author, movie director, family history, or daily interactions have already created a strong narrative in your mind.
    - - The final Alter Ego you can choose is one that’s already meaningful to you, and you build creatively.
      - it can be a combination of people or things
    - - What are the qualities you admire about other people on your Field of Play?
      - The people exceptional on your Field of Play have what qualities?
      - If you were prolific at what you do:
      - How would you think about yourself?
      - What attitudes would you have about business? Your skills in business?
      - What beliefs would you have?
      - How would you carry yourself physically?
      - If it were one year from today, and your identity had been completely altered because of your commitment to your Alter Ego, what would your most supportive best friends say are the top three things they are astounded with in regard to your transformation? What would they be constantly telling other people about your transformation and new results?
      - When you look back at what you wrote in the Ordinary World section, what are the opposites of all those weaknesses or perceived negative attributes you listed?
      - What are the traits, abilities, attitudes, beliefs, values, and behaviors you’d possess to defeat the Enemy trying to stop you?
    - - For example, if you chose “powerful,” how would you show up in business as “powerful”?
        
        What does that look like to someone else?
        
        What does that feel like to you?
        
        What would you sound like to other people?
        
        What are the attitudes you have about yourself/business that would cause you to be more powerful?
        
        Do you have an example of someone you already perceive to be powerful? How do they act/speak/think?
      - Another way to go through the exercise and a powerful mindset shift would be to answer those questions as your Alter Ego.
        
        Answering the questions as your Alter Ego can release a new level of creativity, awareness, and imagination to what’s possible.
  - - - Why? For the very reason we name the Enemy. Names give shape and form to something.
- - - - LAYER 1: HOW YOU SHOW UP
        (Skills, Knowledge, Behaviors, Actions, Reactions)
        
        What abilities, knowledge, behaviors, actions, or reactions do you want your Alter Ego to possess? This could be your ability to control a room with your presence, or the ability to articulate a point in a succinct and charismatic way.
        
        What are the behaviors that your Alter Ego embodies? How will it act? Will its posture change? Will it hold its head differently? Will your facial expressions change?
        
        Think about the physical mannerisms your Alter Ego may have. (This isn’t a must, but some people use them as a way to anchor into their Alter Ego.) A physical mannerism can be a manifestation of a positive attribute.
        
        If you need to, think back on the old actions you were taking during your Moments of Impact in your Ordinary World, then think about the new action you want your Alter Ego to take. Or, if you already know who or what you’ll be borrowing your Alter Ego from, what do some of their mannerisms look like?
        You can also consider other physical qualities, such as what would your Alter Ego look like?
        
        In your world, how does your Alter Ego dress? Is there a specific article of clothing, like a hat or scarf it wears? Is there a style of dress you quickly associate with your Alter Ego?
        
        Think about your Alter Ego’s presence. How do they carry themselves in a room?
      - you can do one of two things with the following exercises. One, answer the questions as you’d see the Alter Ego showing up on the Field of Play. This is called the “Observer Technique.” You’re simply watching or imagining what they would do, say, think, or feel. The second option is to go through the exercises as if you are the Alter Ego. This is the “Immersion Technique.” You’re thinking through the questions as your Alter Ego. This is a great training ground for getting you to play with your Alter Ego.
      - LAYER 2: WHO YOU ARE
        (Attitudes, Beliefs, Values, Perceptions, Expectations)
        
        At this level, you want to dig into that space where attitudes, beliefs, values, perceptions, and expectations rest.
        
        “My Alter Ego knows. . .” Fill in the blank.
        
        eg.
        “My Alter Ego knows he’s an engaging writer who draws people into all his stories, and readers are excited about everything he creates.”
        
        What does your Alter Ego believe about themselves? Or know about themselves? What do they believe about the Field of Play they’re standing on?
        
        As you’re thinking about your Alter Ego, think about what it would believe about itself, and then about the world, which might include other people. If you’re in a meeting with possible clients or trying to close a sale, what would they be thinking about the Alter Ego? “They can’t wait for the chance to work with me,” your Alter Ego would believe.
        
        You can also consider your Alter Ego’s values. There are hundreds of values that may or may not serve you on your Field of Play. Fairness, justice, wealth, joy, family, friendships, loyalty, and power are examples of values that may help or hinder your Alter Ego depending on how you need it to show up during your Moment of Impact.
        
        You can also consider what thoughts your Alter Ego will have. If you aren’t sure, try this: What thoughts will your Alter Ego never have? If you read through the Ordinary World chapters and you realized you currently show up thinking, I can’t pitch investors and get them to close, then your Alter Ego is going to think, I pitch investors, and get them to agree to our deals all the time.
    - - These exercises are a collection of some I’ve used with clients in the past to help them get greater clarity with their Alter Ego. Try one, try them all, possibly something else will click for you.
        
        Exercise 2: Imagine yourself in a lab creating this Alter Ego. What are you adding, what are you taking away? One of my clients did this exercise by imagining it was his twin brother, and they were separated at birth. His brother was stuck in a black hole of wisdom and learned all the highest-level skills of his sport. My client tapped into his Alter Ego when he wanted to show up on the playing field as a source of infinite wisdom.
        
        Exercise 3: Write out a full conversation between you and the Alter Ego. I had one client pretend she was stuck in an elevator with her Alter Ego, and they had no one else to talk to but each other. I had her imagine asking her Alter Ego how her mind worked before a competition. What do they think of competitors, or is the Alter Ego so confident that they don’t even care or think about the competitors? Did the Alter Ego worry about anything? What were they striving for? She observed the Alter Ego; what did she look like? How did she hold herself? How did she move? What expressions did she have? Then I asked her how she would describe the Alter Ego to a friend after they escaped from the elevator?
        
        Exercise 1: Relax yourself and imagine watching your character growing up from birth until now. What shaped them? What do they do differently from you? How do they look? How do they speak? What words or phrases do they use? What feelings do they have? What skills and capabilities do they possess?
  - - - Having a story deeply rooted in your mind for why you chose or whom or what you chose helps you Activate this Heroic Self.
      - If you’re not sure about the identity of your Alter Ego, then think about the stories of real-life people or fictional characters from television or movies or books or comics. Is there a story you’re drawn to? Why? What about that story has grabbed you by the heartstrings or captivated you?
      - Most of the time, it’s the simplest Origin Stories that become the most powerful.
      - The Origin Story fills in the blanks and explains where your Alter Ego came from. The story explains how it developed its Superpowers, why it needs those Superpowers, and what they fight against.
      - Without a story, you risk missing the emotional connection to your Alter Ego. Building and using an Alter Ego is more than an intellectual exercise—it is about transforming how you perform and show up during your Moment of Impact. That’s the only way you can enter your Extraordinary World. The Origin Story helps you to latch on to the Alter Ego’s identity, immerse yourself in it, and act through it.
      - Remember, this isn’t about “pretending.” That’s why the “fake it till you make it” philosophy has fallen flat for most. This is about embodying it, just as the study of the young children that used Batman or Dora the Explorer had greater results when they truly became them when faced with hard puzzles compared to the children who just pretended.
    - - In the Field of Play Model, there’s a collection of Core Drivers that, when you identify yourself with them, are deeply motivating and “drive you” to think, feel, and act in certain ways. They also come layered with a story because they have narratives attached to them and definitions of what it means to be a part of them.
        
        The Most common
        
        Family
        
        Community
        
        Nation
        
        Religion
        
        Race
        
        Gender
        
        Identifiable Group (police officers, soldiers, farmers, tribe)
        
        Idea
        
        Cause
        
        It’s anything you connect to that is somehow bigger than you.
      - Some specific Origin Stories tend to have more emotional resonance than others for a reason. There’s a driving force behind these stories, very similar to your mission for creating an Alter Ego
    - - Aligning with an existing story is one of the easiest paths and the one I usually recommend clients start with. Take your Alter Ego and find their Origin Story.
      - I’m sure I don’t have to say this, but I’ll play captain obvious, so there are no misunderstandings: make sure whatever Origin Story you choose is one that you connect to. If Batman is your Alter Ego, and you’re using his Origin Story, then you’d better be sure you emotionally connect with his backstory.
      - Maybe, just like Batman, you had something traumatizing happen to you when you were younger and so you resonated with his deep sense of “making it right.” Or maybe you connect with his sense of honor and the anonymity of good deeds. Or the fact he wears a suit that represents the exact thing he feared the most.
  - - - In a study by the Kellogg School of Management,2 researchers found that it’s not just about what you wear, but also whether you understand what its “symbolic meaning” is. The study looked at the effects of a white coat on students’ attention and accuracy. The researchers found that:
        
        Attention did not increase when the coat was not worn or was associated with a painter.
        
        Attention only increased when the coat was a) worn and b) associated with a doctor.
        
        The influence of clothes depends on wearing them and their symbolic meaning.
      - So basically, if you thought the coat was a painter’s coat, nothing changed. The moment you put on a doctor’s coat, your attention and accuracy improved.
        This phenomenon is called “enclothed cognition.” Enclothed cognition only happens when you understand the “symbolic meaning” of the item and the “psychological experience of wearing the item which constantly reminds you of what the item represents.”
      - Somewhere, tucked within yourself, you have a story about what doctors represent, how they act, what they think, and how they feel. If I told you just to take the traits you identified—poise, compassion, intelligence—and try to bring them to life, it’s going to seem more difficult. You’d have to think about it first.
      - Now, the moment I hand you a “symbol” that represents a doctor, like a stethoscope or a lab coat, you start to “enclothe” yourself in the traits you’ve associated with them. Now when I tell you to act like a doctor, it’s much easier to embody their traits and get similar results to whatever you associate with them.
    - - We live in a world filled with symbols, and the human mind has this fantastic capacity to create a sense of meaning from virtually anything. Any object can hold some meaning, whether it’s cultural or intensely personal. Your imagination can create vivid stories around seemingly random items. And you can associate emotions, ideas, stories, and the actions of what that item represents.
      - Have you ever been around someone when they lost something, and they freaked out? To you it seemed like nothing, but to them it meant something. It “symbolized” something.
      - I would then bring someone onstage and ask them to put on one of the uniforms and embody the identity of what the uniform represented. Then I’d ask them how they felt, and how they might approach some of the challenges they’re currently dealing with. People always responded with something positive, and they felt they could deal with their sales calls, negotiations, husbands, children, or whatever else was going on in their worlds with more confidence.
      - It’s incredible how quickly we can change our concepts of what’s possible when we adopt a new identity, just as you’ve already read with previous research, examples, and studies I’ve outlined throughout the book. And now, with a “symbol” like a Totem, it’ll be much easier to slip into your Alter Ego.
    - - The Totem embodies your Alter Ego’s Superpowers, its Origin Story, and its mission. When that Totem is activated, it calls forth your Alter Ego. Just like the white coat changed the students.
      - when i activate my totem if I felt more intelligent, more respectable, and more decisive, that was the only thing that mattered. Because emotion drives performance. And it worked.
    - - Most people show up on their Field of Play without much thought or awareness about who needs to be there to produce an outstanding result. I’ve said this before, but we’re always moving from one Field of Play to another and from one role to another. Each role requires different traits to perform at our highest level. Since we’re unaware we’re shifting into and out of roles, we end up bringing the same characteristics to each field.
      - Selecting and activating the Totem sets the intention of the specific traits you want to call upon in a particular Moment of Impact. It’s like you’re setting an internal compass so that you align your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. You’re being very intentional in tapping into the Heroic Self you need when you need it.
    - - When I initially began working with clients and helping them create an Alter Ego, I would bring a box of Tic Tacs. I’d have the label already torn off, hand them the container, and say, “Before you go on the field, take one of these little pills and imagine it contains the Superpower characteristics you want to Activate.
      - don’t just pop it in your mouth. I want you to pause for a moment and really be deliberate about who is going to show up on the field.”
      - Even though you may use something as simple as a piece of candy, don’t overlook the power of using this Activator to trigger your Alter Ego.
    - - The Alter Ego is designed to transform your performance. That includes everything from how you physically act and behave to your thoughts to your emotions, your beliefs to your values, your posture to the tone of your voice. And all the way through the “layers” of the Alter Ego Effect Model.
      - Right now, the Alter Ego that will bring forth all these Superpowers and tap into your Heroic Self is lying dormant and ready to be Activated—it’s in the realm of your imagination on the mental and emotional planes.
        You need something that will call it forth into the physical world and into physical form.
      - That’s what the Totem does. It gives your Alter Ego a form and a shape. It’s not just an idea floating in your head or an emotion you feel. It’s not just some vivid daydream that you distract yourself with in a meeting. Your Alter Ego is real, and it needs to be grounded in a physical presence.
      - A Totem engages more of your senses. You can feel, smell, taste, touch, and see the object, which sparks a visceral feeling.
      - Your Alter Ego’s Totem or Artifact is the bridge from your imagination to the physical world. It’s the anchor.
      - Having this Totem to anchor your Alter Ego, too, not only enables the transformation, but it also helps leverage one of the core foundations of habit change. Cary Grant, the famed actor, who was born Archie Leach, said, “I pretended to be somebody I wanted to be, and I finally became that person. Or he became me. Or we met at some point.” This is what the Alter Ego is designed to help you reach, this place where your Heroic Self naturally comes forth without having to think about it when you need it.
      - Eventually that happened to me. At first I’d put the glasses on and call myself Richard, until at some point I didn’t need the name or the glasses to feel smart or respected or confident. I just was. I just started showing up that way in all my potential client meetings. It became a habit. I didn’t need to intentionally call forth my best traits, because my best attributes had become ingrained. I’d created my new identity on the Field of Play of business.
      - The 4 stages of learning
        
        Stage 1: Ignorance: You “don’t know what you don’t know.” This is what is referred to as “unconscious incompetence.” This is the classic stage of lack of awareness.
        
        Stage 2: Awareness: You begin to realize that you “know you don’t know” certain things. This is what’s known as “conscious incompetence.” You’re aware you don’t know how to do something.
        
        Stage 3: Change: This is when “you know that you don’t know” and you make the conscious decision to change. This is what’s referred to as “conscious competence.” This is the hardest stage because it’s when the hard work happens, when you start changing habits, attitudes shift, and when you start to create new thought patterns inside your mind. This is where you know what to do, and you’re doing it, but it’s an effort because it’s not ingrained yet.
        
        Stage 4: Mastery: This is when the transformation is complete. It’s where things become automatic for you. There isn’t as much conscious attention. It’s what’s known as “unconscious competence.” You know how to do it, and you don’t need to think about it. It’s one and the same, and every time you step onto your Field of Play, every time you face a Moment of Impact, your Heroic Self comes forth without thought.
      - Using your Totem helps to train you to call forth that Heroic Self. Over time, you may not even need your Totem; the choice is yours. I still like to wear my glasses, because I enjoy wearing them but also as a reminder to you and others that this is a natural part of life and being human.
      - Every time you engage with your Totem or Artifact, you’re psychologically calling forth everything your Alter Ego embodies, from the traits you’ve selected to the backstory you’ve created to the mission you’re on.
    - - A Totem is merely the thing you’re using to represent or connect to your Alter Ego or Field of Play. A white lab coat, a uniform, a hat, a pair of glasses, the stage or field itself. It could literally be anything.
      - An Artifact is the same thing, except it has some sort of historical significance. If you’re using a piece of jewelry that has been handed down for generations, that’s an Artifact. It has extra juice in it because of the historical connection to your ancestors or your tribe, or your family adds an additional level of significance to you.
      - This isn’t something to get caught up in like a spiderweb; you don’t need to sit there wondering if you should get an Artifact or a Totem. Their purpose is still the same, to activate your Alter Ego and carry the meaning of what you’re doing.
      - A Totem or Artifact is something you strongly associate with your Alter Ego, like a stethoscope and a doctor, Thor and his hammer, Wonder Woman and her golden lasso. The Totem or Artifact you select will be the physical embodiment of all the dominant traits you chose earlier in the book.
      - 3 Types
        
        1: Something you wear
        This is the most potent Totem you could choose. You can slip it on or off, which, as you’ll learn later, is crucial if you start to slide out of acting like your Alter Ego. This category includes just about everything and anything you can think of. Here are just a few ideas for where you can draw inspiration for your Alter Ego’s Totem or Artifact.
        
        eg. UniformCostumeHelmetHat (any type)EyeglassesJewelry (e.g., a ring, necklace, bracelet)Wristband or sweatbandSuitJacketSocksT-shirtBandanaWatchSweatshirtPantsShoes (e.g., sneakers, heels, slippers, sandals)
        
        2: Something you carry with you
        Tony, a baseball player, grew up on a farm in Iowa. His family is significant to him. His Alter Ego is motivated to make his family proud and to bring honor to his family’s name. He carries a small pebble from his farm in his pocket, and every time he needs just a bit more juice from his Alter Ego, he slips his hand into his pocket and rolls the pebble around his fingertips.
        
        eg. Cup (e.g., a coffee, tea, or travel mug)NotebookBaseballRock or pebbleFeatherPicture (e.g., of your Alter Ego or something that represents the traits of your Alter Ego)Trading cards (like the ones I stuffed into my football uniform)Special coinPenTowel
        
        3: Something connected to the Field of Play
        As soon as Bo Jackson stepped onto the football field, he transformed into Jason. The field was his Totem.
        
        Your Totem doesn’t have to be something that’s on you, but it could be on the Field of Play or the Field of Play itself.
    - - Above all, don’t make this into a Halloween costume. Don’t pick eight things and call them all your Totems. Pick one. Be selective. There are a few principles I’d go so far as to say are mandatory.
      - 1: It must symbolize something to you
        
        Whatever you choose will be used to call forth your Alter Ego and all the Superpowers and Origin Story you’ve created. It’s everything. It’s the symbol of your Alter Ego, so make sure the two connect.
        
        What you select may have an indirect connection to your Alter Ego, eg batman has a black suit therefore a black suit or tie
        
        Your Totem or Artifact may have a direct connection to your Alter Ego. eg. superman cufflinks for superman or tiger striped golf head covers for tiger woods
        
        Your Totem may have no connection to your Alter Ego either. It could be a universal symbol, or it could hold meaning just for you. A pair of glasses was my Totem, but not everyone would associate respect and intelligence with a pair of frames like me.
        
        Whatever you choose, be it directly connected to your Alter Ego or not, just make sure the emotional resonance and meaning are there for you.
      - 2. Whatever you choose must be something you can always use on your Field of Play. No sometimes things!
      - 3: It should be something you can quickly take off and put on, or put into your pocket or take out, or step onto or off of.
        
        I’m giving you a spoiler here, but there will be times when you slip out of your Alter Ego, especially when you first start using it. You’ll slide back into the old traits and Trapped Self that used to show up. When this happens, you need a reset.
        
        When I wore my glasses, if I started to get pulled into the Ordinary World by any of the forces the Enemy uses, like insecurity, fear, or worrying what others thought of me (those were my big three), I would take the glasses off. Richard never had those thoughts, so the glasses needed to come off. Just that simple act would remind me of what I was there to do, what was essential, and that Richard was capable of slaying those dragons and getting back on the Field. Then I’d put them back on.
    - - The Alter Ego is simple. It’s hard to build this incorrectly, but you can get turned around at this stage. Here’s what not to do.
        
        1: Don’t wear, carry, or use the Totem or Artifact all the time. Your Alter Ego is built for a specific Field of Play, or you use it for those challenging Moments of Impact. You want to be intentional, and if you’re always using the same Alter Ego across all the Fields of Life, then you’re missing the point. You play different roles in different areas of your life, and each one has certain qualities that will help you more than others.
        
        2: Don’t give your Totem or Artifact away. This is for you and your Alter Ego. Don’t lend it to someone, and I’d suggest not telling others about it.
        
        3: Choose something you’ll enjoy wearing or carrying or using. It should be something you have a positive association with. If you don’t, then you’ll strip it of any power.
    - - Give your Alter Ego the honor and integrity it deserves. If your Alter Ego is your grandfather, a superhero, someone you admire, or an animal that you revere, are you really going to dishonor its name, its story, its legacy? I certainly hope not. That honor, that legacy, that respect and meaning are embodied in the Totem or Artifact.
      - Bottom line: commit.
    - - This final part of the process is when you unite the Alter Ego, the Totem, and your Field of Play or Moment of Impact. Superman steps into the phone booth or tears open his shirt. Wonder Woman spins to transform into Wonder Woman. Spider-Man pulls on his mask. There’s a moment when you deliberately step into this other form, your Alter Ego. The Activation Event is when you use the Totem or Artifact as a switch, signaling to your mind it’s time for your Alter Ego to take over.
      - The easiest way to make this happen is to believe your Alter Ego lives inside the Totem or Artifact. The moment you swallow the Alter Ego X Pill, it’s Activated. The moment you slip on the ring, it’s Activated. The moment you slide the pebble or pocket watch in your pocket, it’s Activated. The moment the arms of the glasses slip past your temples, it’s like they’re flicking a switch as they go by to Activate your Secret Identity.
    - - Remember, our Alter Ego isn’t on 24/7 duty. The Activation Event could be the entire time you’re on your Field of Play, or possibly just in specific Moments of Impact, where you stumble and don’t show up as you want.
      - If you’re a sales pro, maybe you want to use your Alter Ego throughout your entire day. Or perhaps you just want to use it when you need to “close the sale.” If you’re an athlete it could be the whole time you’re competing on the field, or maybe in the final moments of a game or against a specific opponent or in a particular situation. If you’re a business owner and marketing is your big challenge right now, maybe you only leverage the power of your Alter Ego during networking events, interacting on social media, or writing marketing materials.
      - In any of those cases, grab your Totem, know your Alter Ego is waiting for you, and Activate it. What you’re looking for is a natural trigger you can pair with your Totem or Artifact. Every time I come home from my office, and before I step into our home, I pause, grab a bracelet my daughter made for me, and slide it on. Now it’s time for the fun dad to show up, not the coach, businessman, or investor.
      - Keep the event simple and easy to perform and remember: just make sure the trigger you select is something you can always do.
      - Your Activation Event can be anything that feels natural and comfortable, but it has to be a physical action.
  - - - GROUND PUNCH 1: THE CURB KICK
        
        The Curb Kick is the equivalent of kicking the Enemy to the curb or sidelines.
        
        Your alter ego has a quick word with your enemy and tells them to fuck off
        
        When we put names or attach personas to the conversations we’re having in our heads, we create constructive conversations,
        
        It prevents our minds from getting entangled in our thoughts and instead gives us perspective and a path forward.
        
        It’s almost like a bright EXIT sign appears in our minds, giving us the chance to get back to what we want.
      - GROUND PUNCH 2: YOUR RESPONSE PROCLAMATION
        
        Over the years that I’ve been teaching the Alter Ego Effect, I’ve never had one elite athlete or leader object to the idea. I’ve never had anyone tell me they feel like they’re being fake or even childish. Most of them felt it to be one of the most natural things they could do or had already been doing. Now, they can battle with thoughts that don’t serve them, just like you. No human is immune to the Enemy.
        
        If you hear a little voice telling you, “You’re being fake,” or “This is silly,” or “There’s no use, you can’t change,” or “Who do you think you are? You don’t have any talent or skill, and you’re not going to make it,” understand this: that’s the Enemy trying to pull you back into the shadows where mediocrity lives.
        
        It doesn’t matter how many wins you tuck under your belt; your Enemy is always going to try to stop your Heroic Self from coming forward.
        
        There will still be times while you’re on your Field of Play that the Enemy will get the upper hand. This is when we lay down an earth-shattering Ground Punch to the internal question, “Who do you think you are?”
        
        I call it a “Response Proclamation.” And it’s our way of finding that second gear, by having a well-prepared response to the question, “Who do you think you are?” or any question in similar form to cause you to doubt yourself. This not only prevents you from getting on the “merry-go-round” of negative self-talk; it also causes you to stay rooted in your Moment of Impact as your Heroic Self or your Alter Ego.
        
        A Response Proclamation is the weapon your Alter Ego needs.
        
        Here’s what a Response Proclamation sounds like for my Olympic alpine skier.
        
        “Who am I? Who am I, you ask?
        
        “I’m the one that’s woken up at 4:18 a.m. every day for 1,123 straight days to be the first one on the ski hill to get my reps in for this moment.
        
        “Who am I?
        
        “I’m the one who spends forty-five minutes every day, lying on my back relaxed and confidently seeing and experiencing myself race down this hill and execute the tight turns with strong legs and great form so I give myself the best chance to put up a time that may just win me a medal.
        
        “Who am I?
        
        “I’m the one that some little kid, sitting at home, cross-legged, mesmerized and staring at his TV set, is going to point at and look over his shoulder to Mom and say, ‘I’m gonna be like them someday, Mom.’
        
        “I’m the one powered by a force far greater than anything you can throw my way. So, excuse me if I don’t have time for your bullshit question because this life I’ve got is bigger than some question based in fear.
        
        “So why don’t you get your ass to the sidelines where you belong!”
        
        CRAFTING YOUR RESPONSE PROCLAMATION
        
        An excellent Response Proclamation spotlights your grit, your hustle, and your achievements.
        
        Go back in time to the beginning of your (field of play). Tell me the story of your life, told through the lens of your wins and accomplishments. I know you have them. You wouldn’t be reading this book if you hadn’t already tasted success—you want to taste more of it, and with more consistency.
        
        Now, that’s one way to craft a Response Proclamation and lay down a Ground Punch to send a seismic shock wave through your nervous system and wake you up. Or you can craft your response from the perspective of the Alter Ego you’ve just worked hard to create.
        
        So if you chose a character from movies, television, or literature, your response would be from that persona. If you chose an animal, your response would be influenced by the attributes of that animal. If it was a machine . . . you get the idea.
        
        So, how could you respond with a Ground Punch, sending a message that you won’t pull away from your mission? That you won’t hide and you’re here to stay?
        
        Write out a Response Proclamation in response to the question, “Who do you think you are?” Or, “This isn’t going to work for you . . .” Or, “You can’t do this . . .”
        
        Remember, it can be from your history or your Alter Ego’s history. Have fun with it and don’t be afraid to be lethal with your response.
    - - There’s a part of your world that we’ve named your Enemy, and it shows up and causes you to stumble. It causes you to hesitate, overthink, or doubt yourself.
      - Creating the Alter Ego initiates a healthy conversation in your head. Before creating the Alter Ego, maybe the only voice you heard on this particular Field of Play was critical, judgmental, and aimed at convincing you to play it safe. Because you’ve gone through the process of giving the Enemy a name, like Valeria did when she named the Enemy Igor, and you’ve created this Alter Ego and given it a name, you’ve created a clear duality. You’re no longer living in a world where the conversation in your head is with “yourself” and getting caught in a “merry-go-round” conversation that doesn’t lead anywhere.
      - The Alter Ego and the Field of Play it’s operating on create a dividing line with the Enemy. And now you can talk to the Enemy when it shows up to pull you into the sidelines of life, where you become a spectator.
      - Make no mistake, the Enemy is a part of us, and it’s never going to vanish from existence. However, now you have this potent force to combat it, the Alter Ego.
  - - - QUEST 1: THE COFFEE SHOP
        
        HOW TO DO IT
        Drive or walk to a local coffee shop and before you walk through the door, Activate your Alter Ego with your Totem or Artifact. Feel the change happen and walk through the door. Walk to the counter, order your drink, and sit down at a nearby table or walk back outside and drink your beverage of choice.
        
        As you do this, be mindful of how you’d consume the drink as your Alter Ego; how would you hold it, sip it, stand, sit? Would you enjoy it differently? What will your Alter Ego be noticing about the surroundings, the people, and the environment? Will you be interacting with people differently? And how will the Alter Ego be feeling?
        
        WHY THIS WORKS
        It’s a meaningless situation with no threat to your world. I’m not asking you to go and close the biggest deal of your life or do something terrifying or dangerous. You’re just ordering a drink. The less stress around the activity or the more familiarity you have of the simple routine, the easier it will be for you to step into the playful side of the Alter Ego, without worrying about performing a difficult task.
        
        Your first quest will be to go to a local coffee shop as your Alter Ego, order a favorite drink, and drink it as your Alter Ego.
      - QUEST 2: THE NUMBER FOCUS GAME
        
        This quest is designed to test your ability to focus and immediately test the powers of your Alter Ego.
        
        HERE’S HOW IT WORKS
        Sit in a comfortable position. It could be in a chair or on the floor. Place an object like a ball or a blank piece of paper two feet in front of you. Set a timer for three minutes. During the three minutes, you’ll start by visualizing the number 1, on the object. The moment you notice your mind has drifted off of the number 1, visualize the number 2 on the object. Once again, when you’ve noticed your mind has drifted, visualize the number 3. Continue this pattern until the timer goes off. Whatever number you’re left with when the timer goes off is the number you’ll want to record somewhere, like a notepad or in a note on your phone. If you ended with the number 34, then that’s your score for this round. You want a lower number next round.
        
        Now do the exercise again, except this time activate your Alter Ego with your Totem and go through the same process as your Alter Ego. If it’s Einstein, be Einstein. If it’s an elephant, be an elephant. If it’s your strong and resilient grandmother, be her. Then record the number you’re left with at the end.
        
        The two most common experiences of people trying this for the first time are: 1) they were able to beat their previous score by a fair margin; 2) they found themselves looping back and forth between remembering to be their Alter Ego and focusing on the number.
        
        WHY THIS WORKS
        Practicing becoming your Alter Ego and giving it a task to perform under slight competition is no different than athletes practicing and refining their skills, building endurance, strength, stamina, agility, and flexibility long before game day. Take a page from their books. If your Alter Ego’s posture changes, practice it. Practice sitting straight in a chair instead of slouching. Practice a particular look in your eye, like a slight squint, because you’re “dialed in” and focused.
        There are no rules, except practice.
      - QUEST 3: PLAY A GAME
        
        This quest is designed to have you experiment with your resiliency as your Alter Ego. Games and competitions are a great way to see someone’s real personality. There’s an old adage that an hour of play reveals more than a year of conversation. I agree. That is why this is a great test of the strength of your Alter Ego.
        
        HOW TO DO IT
        Choose a game to play with friends or family; play a video game on your favorite gaming device or put together a puzzle. By the way, nobody you’re playing with needs to know about your secret identity. Compete as your Alter Ego. The challenges, competition, or frustrations are a great way to flex your resilience muscle and truly get to know and embody your Alter Ego.
        
        WHY THIS WORKS
        Try this quest to test your resiliency and commitment. As you may recall from the chapter on the Enemy, it loves to use the forces of fear, judgment of others, and pride to pull you away from being your best. This will help you bubble it up to the surface, so you can slay those dragons before you’ll need to defeat them in a Moment of Impact.
        
        I mentioned it in the chapter on Totems and Artifacts, and it’s worth repeating: when you slip, reset. This means taking off your glasses and putting them back on. Putting down your pen and picking it back up. It means removing the ring and placing it back on to switch back on. It means pulling the pebble out of your pocket and placing it back in again.
        
        Tip: If you picked the Field of Play as a Totem, and you find yourself needing regular resets, consider changing to one that you can wear or carry with you.
        The reset is a trigger for your mind, reminding you that there are specific Superpowers that you want and need to use in this precise moment. Being conscious and intentional is just another way to be your best coach out on the field.
    - - When you reflect on your life and any changes you’ve made, you probably felt uncertainty at first but then discovered a lot of the concerns were unnecessary. I agree with James A. Garfield: “I remember the old man who said he had a great many troubles in his life, but the worst of them never happened.”
      - Despite what is played over and over again on loop in the media, the vast majority of people are kind, helpful, and generous—when given a chance. So find a tribe of allies to help you reach your mission, whatever it may be, and here are some places to start.
        
        Allies that get you.
        
        connect with a community of people already raising their hands and building Heroes and Heroines. There’s tremendous power in finding other people who get the insider language we’ve used throughout the book. It’s also easier for new friends to encourage each other and strategize change, because unlike some current friends or family, they aren’t threatened by any of the changes being made. Sometimes your best allies will be new allies.
        
        Allies you know.
        
        People in your existing world always have your back. Share with them what you’re doing.
        
        Allies that mentor you.
        
        Don’t underestimate the power of a great mentor, because few things will impact you more.
        By far and away, what holds a lot of people back is the fear of a new life in the Extraordinary.
        
        “The moment I stepped out and used my Alter Ego to go after what I wanted, a new tribe showed up. It’s amazing who you find when you start to go after big things!”
    - - You’ve built an Alter Ego to carry you into your Extraordinary World. As you venture forth into the unknown, I have one final challenge. I challenge you to embrace these six principles. Think of them as reminders, as parting words, as inspiration, motivation, guidance, or advice. I have no idea what you’ll find, but I know if you can allow these principles to guide you, then you’ll see you can face any challenge.
      - 1: Bring It On! (Embrace the Challenge)
        
        Your Extraordinary World will challenge you, and if you face it with an openness and willingness to be challenged, then you’ll find yourself developing more of the next Mindset . . .
      - 2: I’m Ready for Anything! (Stay Flexible and Adaptable)
        
        When you have a willingness to be challenged, it opens up more of your mind so you can stay ready for anything. In sports, we call it active readiness. It keeps your mind open to creatively problem solve and helps you develop agility. It’s also terribly intimidating to the Enemy.
      - 3: I’m a Creative Force! (Embrace Your Imagination and Creativity)
        
        you were told by the grown-ups to “stop doing that,” “don’t act that way,” or to “grow up.”But the “grown-ups” were wrong. Use your imagination; don’t keep it hidden. It’s a powerful tool that not only brings your Alter Ego to life, but unleashes its Superpowers, too.
      - 4: I Love to Play! (Keep a Playful Attitude)
        
        It’s only natural that we take this stuff seriously. It’s serious because the desire to achieve gnaws at us until we take action. But nobody says this can’t also be fun.
        
        We can be playful with the Alter Ego concept. The more playful you are, the better your results may be. Why? Because you’ll be more likely to experiment, to take the Alter Ego you create into the field and see if it works. Then you’ll tinker with it to make it even stronger, testing the results again, then tinkering some more, until you’ve found the best Alter Ego for you.
      - 5: I Wonder What Will Happen?! (Appreciate Discovery and Curiosity)
        
        What would happen if you approached your life like a mad scientist in a lab, willing to always test out new things to see if they’ll work? What if every test in life was you answering the question, “I wonder . . . ?”
      - 6: I Believe I Can Change! (Know You Can Reshape Your Mind)
        
        Our personalities are malleable. We can reshape ourselves. We can change our beliefs and create new habits. We can change our identities.
        
        That’s what the Alter Ego does for us. It helps us to tap into dormant capabilities and traits that we just haven’t used, or haven’t used in a setting that we want and need them in.
        
        If you’ve acted indecisively at work, you can learn to act decisively. If you’ve acted timidly during one-on-one meetings with prospective clients, you can learn to act assertively. If you’ve been awkward during networking events, you can learn to be poised.