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Who Am I?, IMG_9937, IMG_9938, image, image, image, IMG_9939, IMG_9940,…
Who Am I?
My Family
My Mother
Waldorf: My mother homeschooled my brother and I in the Waldorf discipline, which values the power of play, the arts, and interaction with nature. The beauty and traditions of the Waldorf school still impact my ways of thinking, my interests in the arts, and my love of nature.
Sacrifices: Her dedication to our lives taught me the meaning of devotion and parental love; however, the effort she poured into us meant that she lost her sense of self. As she is my role model for becoming a woman, I often see her tendencies in me: caretaking and prioritizing the needs of others before my own, and the silent resentment of this effort not being reciprocated.
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Trauma: My mother's trauma from her parents informed some of her rocky relationship with me. Her reactions to my behavior as a child and teenager often evoked the emotional and physical abuse she endured. My fear of confrontation, social awkwardness, and low self-esteem are partially derived from this.
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Talents: My mother is a talented artist, and her love of teaching me to create art allowed art to become an important part of my life and interests.
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Friendship: While my mom and I have had issues, once I transitioned into adulthood we began to be close friends. We have begun to heal our relationship, and I have started to feel like I can rely on her more than in the past. This has begun the journey of healing the problems/traumas I had in childhood.
My Father
Lack of Connection: While I remember him as a quiet, sweet man prone to fits of rage, my father was clearly not able to be an active parent. He acted more as a sibling than a father. The weak connection I had with him was impactful to my self-esteem, especially because he seemed to enjoy my brother's company more than mine.
Addiction: My father struggled with addiction while my parents were married, which hindered his ability to be a solid parent to his children. Watching his struggle was deeply upsetting as a child and teenager, particularly because he has since never recovered. Due to this, I gained perspective and was independent from a young age. It was a pivotal moment for me to realize how the disease of addiction makes an otherwise-kind person do horrible things to themselves and others.
Cooking: My father passed on to me his love of good food and cooking. My love of cooking (particularly for other people) stems from his passion for food.
My Brother
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Closeness: My brother and I have always been the best of friends and very tight-knit as siblings. During unstable situations with our parents, I felt safer because I knew both of us would be there for each other.
My Roots: I was born in Seattle, Washington. The free-thinking, naturalist environment there fascinated my parents, whose decisions about parenting were shaped by the people they met there.
My Interests
Throughout my life, my most intense interests have always been academic. I was a voracious reader as a child, and was fascinated by anything regarding intellectual topics (history, language, politics)
Medicine: I used to be a hypochondriac and now I am on the pre-medicine track! My fear of illness made me learn as much as I could about major diseases. Strangely enough, I stopped being afraid and became interested in helping people with those diseases.
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My lifelong love of Politics and History was combined with newfound interests in Chemistry and Medicine to inform my major and minor. Becoming interested in STEM concepts changed my idea of myself to someone more multidimensional.
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My Experiences
ADHD: I've struggled with ADHD for my entire life, and had no idea why I was doing so poorly in school, even if I knew the material well. My diagnosis changed how I perceive myself. While I used to think of myself as lazy and unmotivated, I actively worked to unlearn these ideas about myself. While ADHD is an integral part of me, it is not who I am.
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Public School: I transitioned from homeschooling to public school in 8th grade, which was a culture shock for sure. However, I made some of my closest friends and gained perspective about my peers. I also learned how to better adapt to new experiences!
College: I was able to grow intellectually in ways I hadn't before, and learned about subjects I loved that I had never considered. Organic Chemistry is an example of something I never thought I would enjoy, but did!
Research: As I became more interested in Chemistry, I was able to join a Biochemistry lab and help conduct research. This is another example of learning something new about myself that shifted my perspective about my interests.
My Beliefs/Emotions
Anxiety: Anxiety is something I have always struggled with. My experiences with anxiety have dictated how friendly I can be in a social situation, how many friends I have, and my perception of myself. Often, anxiety makes me feel less confident than I may present.
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Equality: I believe in the inherent equality and dignity of other human beings. This perspective has allowed me to recognize myself as someone with strong convictions.
I believe every person has the right to a safe place to live, adequate healthcare, healthy food, and a good standard of living that meets their needs, something that helped me learn that I wanted to become a healthcare worker.
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