Life choices

1. Sattva current form + Bangalore + home-work

Pros

1. Maintains steady state for Lassu school, neighbourhood, finances, friends
2. Gives time to heal by strengthening the relationship from within, with time and commitment together

  1. My work status is unchanged
    4. Gives flexibility to take more breaks and time offs to spend time together, with family
  2. Gives time to focus on Lassu's education
  3. Financially, can start saving and maximising wealth
    7. Able to live at APM in the current home and derive everyday joy out of the atmosphere

Cons

1. Current stasis of not being able to get over the betrayal, constant reminders of work being at the heart of this conflict, 10 years of an unhappy life.
2. Every work element like travel correlated with de-prioritisation.
3. Nothing is changing for me, so without atonement I am able to do this, which is not acceptable, given the suffering at the other end, no sense of fairness has been achieved.

  1. Strained relations in everyday interactions, conflicts and hence inhospitable home environment which will affect immediate family.
  2. Trust is not able to be re-established as he still doesn't believe I am not in touch, that I am not having another relationship (raw hurt times).
  3. My loneliness, no companionship in this phase, effort with no returns as expected.
    8. Will not be able to go all out at work due to the home tensions, and compensation loop will kick in, leading to maximizer life and dissatisfaction.

Risks

  1. More of the truth going out inadvertently.

4. Separate + Bangalore + Sattva + Lassu

Pros

Cons

Risks

1. Achieves a sense of fairness for Namit as the current odds of betrayal are leading to irreconcilable loss as well as lack of big actions taken.
2. Allows me to keep my job if possible for the long-term financially

  1. Allows both to have agency to live in whichever cities we want to live in, pursue other opportunities, post Lasya going to college.
  2. Continue to be parents to Lasya without the everyday tensions
  3. Allow me to pursue a spiritual journey alongside everyday life.
    6. Allow me the chance to see if companionship with R is possible.
  1. Huge emotional trauma for Lasya, resulting in potentially bad performance in school and elsewhere, a dent to her pursuing her dreams, she blaming herself for the separation, logistics issues to be dealt with every week
  2. Lasya has a lonely atmosphere and cleave in connecting to families - from vacations to daily exchanges, the dog, everything will be divided now.
  3. Parent stress and health condition, especially mothers. And FIL given fragility in health, similar to sadness during cancer. Parent emotional stress will be lasting.
  4. Rental home - have to figure out how to live in APM small place so least disruption, else around the area. Have to figure out buying a car. This will wipe out 30% of salary,
  5. Put on hold every other investment plan
    6. My wherewithal to deal with work, emotional trauma on Lassu, financial burdens, largely alone.
  6. Cleaving of the common friends circle.
  7. I won't be able to see Lasya half the week, hence my loneliness.
  8. Social stigma of being separated and the friends circle cleave.
  9. My own emotional upheaval and management
  10. No companionship or interim support for many years likely.
  11. Given the financial situation, likely to live frugally, will not be able to afford any vacations for Lasya, any education opportunities for self etc.
  12. Will need to borrow and be on credit for debt. (car and pay backs)
    14. Will clean me out of all savings, in just paying back for the loans and other big ticket items over the years.
  13. Will have to leave the dog behind.
  1. Things leaking leading to disruption at my workplace as well.
  2. Disruption leading to quitting work and starting something afresh.
  3. Other unforeseen financial risks due to health.
  4. Messy process of financial and custody pieces in separation.
  5. Risk of outing the affair in public in case of fragility.

2. Sattva + new city in India + give marriage a strong chance

Pros

  1. Fresh start in another city and context and hence the relationship thrives.
  2. New place and new experiences.
  3. Better trust as Namit will not experience the presence of the other person anymore.

Cons

Cons

  1. Distant from both parents.
    2. Not a good place/lack of good schools for Lasya to study, so disrputing her education quality.
    3. Lose all good friends and community in Bangalore.
    4. Lasya has to move to a new school and new friends entirely.
  2. less liveable city given Bangalore's state.
  3. Anyways since I don't meet the person now at office or elsewhere being in Bangalore, it might not be any kind of a difference.

3. Quit Sattva (decide now, action when relevant) + Stay married

Pros

  1. Best outcome for Namit as he will see the true intent, big sacrifice is made. He will trust that truly he is priority #1. His insistence that the company didn't get to decide what to do in the case of an affair will be sorted.
  2. The other person will not exist anymore in any form in life. No need for negotiating anything wrt workarounds for continuing to work here.
  3. Possibilities to look at other things in work. Might even move cities.

Cons

  1. I will have given up 13 years of hard work, and intense years of combating several difficulties and experiences to get this company to where it is, and in turn grow with it.
  2. I will lose most of the money I can make when the company is sold. (need to investigate this deeply).
  3. This sector is small, and I have so many critical relationships, so very difficult to work in this country in this sector. Having been an entrepreneur and leader last 13 years, I will find it very hard to work for someone else, or to join a lesser firm.
  4. Joining another job right now won't even give me the flexibility to prioritise marriage. It will force me to again prove my worth and hence I will have to work harder.

Risks

  1. Can still go south in marriage, won't have much then in terms of work

6 month sabbatical + work on marriage

Risks

  1. Education quality for Lasya is worse.