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thought download - Coggle Diagram

- - - - Hard to have band width to care about much when your mind and body seem to be betraying you at all times and everything required so much effort- > really didn't voice strong opinions about too much because I just didn't have the energy to- > though I know I have always disliked our conflict handling-> took all of my will to express - > multiple times since 2019 or 2020 that I thought we should seek couple's counseling...never actually happened
      - I was way more anxious- > but it was internal mostly in how it affected Brian. As someone who identified socially anxious- it was actually a relief to have someone who craved the spotlight so much take the focus off of me. I did not like talking about myself because I didn't feel good about where I was in my life
        
        As I started to understand WHY I had such low self esteem and forgive myself for things that were out of my control, I would talk about it- like when I was feeling my feelings- understanding my frustrations with adhd overwhelm...STOP BEING SO INSECURE!!!- yelling- I'M NOT- this is a great epiphany for me- knowing why I feel this way- I used to ignore and push through.
        
        then real confidence starting to build- I have no more chronic pain. I am getting it. The meds are helping me focus- I am accomplishing. ....but now does my husband actually hate this version of me? TRUTH- I AM DIFFERENT than when we met- I thought it was what he always wanted for me, but maybe not...does he feel like I won't need him anymore?