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Codependency (Love is a Choice by Hemfelt et al.) - Coggle Diagram
Codependency (Love is a Choice by Hemfelt et al.)
Interpersonal Relationships
Codependent or Healthy Relationships? Ch 9
"emptier a person's love tank, the more highly that person values idealized romance" (p112)
Can't fill another person's love tank if your own is not full. (p113)
All couples need to reexamine their relationships from time to time because "deeper reasons for all relationships exist along with the surface reasons" (118).
Codependent or Interdependent Relationships? Ch 10
"Codependency itself is not an all-or-nothing thing, but rather a matter of degree" (119)
Great chapter on checking to see which side you lean more towards.
Making Relationships Work Ch11
Relationship Wheel: independence vs codependent and how to counter balance the sliding one way or the other
Not limited to marriage (p142)
Roles People Play Ch12
Complex and pastors and other "help" professionals tend to be targets (p149-150)
All families have these roles to a mild form, but codependent families to the extreme: Hero, Scapegoat, Mascot, Lost child (pp151-152)
Dysfunctional families have more roles: enabler, placater, martyr, rescuer, persecutor, victim (152-158)
Caring services: either called by God or "driven by the hidden whip of codependency" (0159)
If latter, then burnout will happen because love tank not full. Must fill love tank from God alone. (160-161)
"The codependency must be dealt with before that person with unmet emotional needs can hope to grasp the reality of God and the gospel" (p165)
Deep Pain: Stages 1-5 of Recovery
Rollercoaster - this is going deep down.
Stage 1: Exploration and Discovery (p.175-179) - lost childhood and present relationships. Need to find trusted person, but remember that God listens the best.
Stage 2: Relationship History/Inventory (p180-187) - identify all relationships past and present that have "left a mark" or "influence" and check for patterns
Stage 3: Addiction Control (p188-196) - must abstain from addiction at least temporary before any progress can be made
Stage 4: Leaving Home and Saying Good-bye (p199-208) - goes in stages and 2 parts: good-bye to family of origin and false security symbols. Lots of ideas on how to do this
Stage 5: Grieving Your Loss (Ch16) 6 stages of grief: shock/denial; anger; depression; bargaining and magic; sadness; resolution and acceptance. Must grieve lost childhood and losses due to the addiction/compulsions/obsessions
Refilling the Void: Stages 6-10
Stage 6: New Self-Perceptions (ch17) - finding new internal messages, but take inventory of old perceptions. bring it to light and write what you want to be. Ask God to plant those deep messages of truth into your heart.
Stage 7: New Experiences (p.244-251) these experiences affirm the new messages. Support Groups are a great way to do this. building new healthy boundaries with guidance and support from trusted person.
Stage 8: Reparenting (p251-254) needs 3 people: you, other person and God
Stage 9: Relationship Accountability (p256-262) need advisor and guidelines
Stage 10: Maintenance (p.262-271) Daily, periodic, and use support groups
4 milestones in spiritual progression: 1) addictions/compulsions control you 2) break the control and get reacquainted with self 3) reach out in relationship with others 4) spiritual surrender to God in full trust (p268-269)