While going back to the school, Saul remembered being sexually abused by Father Leboutilier, someone readers thought was 'good.' This means that someone in a position of great power over Saul's school and hockey experiences, abused that power and sexually abused him, stripping him of his innocence while just a young child. And, after trying so hard to escape from this abuse for so many years, Saul finally let go of that barrier between him and that part of his past, and he embraced it. I think that it is difficult to imagine for most of us, what it is like to suddenly face your inner demons. The amount of fear, stress, resentment, anger, and sadness that must have hit Saul in that moment, is immeasurable. The pain of remembering and reliving all of that trauma, probably pierced through his heart. This teaches us that, no matter what you have been through in life, it is always better to face your problems head-on. It is never good to simply run away or hide from your past, because one day, it will come to light, and it will not be pleasant. The only way to resolve your trauma and issues, is to properly allow yourself to process and embrace them. I wonder how much worse Saul would've gotten if he had never gone back to the school and embraced his past.