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Care and Counseling Skills for Marital Care - Coggle Diagram
Care and Counseling Skills for Marital Care
Let you partner influence you (Gottman, p.115-136)
Men who allow their wives to influence them had happier marriages (Gottman, p.116)
When the man is not willing to share power there is an 81% chance the marriage will self-destruct (Gottman, p.116)
Husbands are more likely than their wives to use the four horseman to escalate a marital disagreement. When they did, it is more likely to put the marriage at risk (Gottman, p.118)
Emotionally intelligent husbands (Gottman, p.118-128)
Husbands who have figured out how to convey honor and respect to their wives (Gottman, p.118)
Women tend to be more oriented toward discussing and understanding feelings than are men (Gottman, p.121)
35% of men they studied are emotionally intelligent (Gottman, p.123)
He naturally incorporates the first three principles into his daily life; makes a love map of his wife's world, he expresses fondness and admiration, he turns towards her (Gottman, p.124)
Emotionally healthy husbands are also good fathers (Gottman, p.124)
Doesn't mean never expressing negative emotions toward your partner (Gottman, p.120)
Accepting influence strengthens the friendship (Gottman, p.121)
Accepting influence is an attitude, but also a skill that you can hone; compromise is key (Gottman, p.126)
80% of the time it's the wife you brings up sticky marital issues (Gottman, p.127)
Perpetual marital conflict (Gottman, p.137-159)
69% of the time marital conflict falls into this category (Gottman, p.139)
Typical perpetual problems (Gottman, p.138)
Wife wants a baby, husband isn't ready (Gottman, p.138)
Husband wants sex more than wife (Gottman, p.138)
Husband is more lax about housework, wife nags (Gottman, p.138)
Different religions views and wanting to raise children in a certain religious tradition (Gottman, p.138)
Wife thinks her husband is too critical of their child (Gottman, p.138)
Despite what many therapists will tell you, you don't have to resolve conflicts for your marriage to thrive; couples can learn to live with it and approach it with good humor (Gottman, p.139)
When you choose a long-term partner you are choosing a set of unsolvable problems that you'll be dealing with for ten, twenty, or fifty years (Gottman, p.139)
Gridlock; the same conversation over and over again with no headway; increasing hurt, frustration and distrust of the other (Gottman, p.140)
To get out of gridlock you need to explore the hidden issues; share personal dreams (Gottman, p.141)
Unrequited dreams are at the core of every gridlock (Gottman, p.141)
Solvable marital conflict (Gottman, p.142-159)
Simply because a problem is solvable doesn't mean it gets resolved (Gottman, p.142)
How emotionally intelligent couples handle a disagreement (Gottman, p.142)
Soft start-ups (Gottman, p.142)
Effective repair attempts (Gottman, p.142)
Monitor physiology (Gottman, p.142)
Learn to compromise (Gottman, p.142)
Tolerant each other's imperfections (Gottman, p.142)
Less painful and intense than perpetual conflict; no underlying issue (Gottman, p.142)
Keys to managing conflict, whether perpetual or solvable (Gottman, p.156-159)
Negative emotions are important, they hold information about how to love each other better (Gottman, p.157)
No one is right; there is no absolute reality in marital conflict only subjective ones (Gottman, p.157)
Acceptance is crucial; before you ask your spouse to change, they need to feel known and respected (Gottman, p.157)
Focus on fondness and admiration (Gottman, p.158)