Please enable JavaScript.
Coggle requires JavaScript to display documents.
Raising Boys -- Why Boys are Different-and How to Help them Become Happy…
Raising Boys -- Why Boys are Different-and How to Help them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men
Chapter 1. What is it with Boys
Boys at Risk
Often no clue, adrift, failing in school, awkward in relationships, violence, alcohol and drugs
The Good News
Ch2. Three stages of development
Ch3. The effects of hormones
Ch4. Stimulate boys' brain to connect with people
Ch5. Fatherhood
Ch6. Mothers and sons
Ch7. Boys and sex
Ch8. School
Ch9. Sports
Ch10. Community
Chapter 2. The three stages of Boyhood
Even Adult - "Still a boy and not a very nice one."
Three stages :star:
Stage 1: Birth to six: The Gentle Years (Trust, warmth, fun and kindness) :checkered_flag:
Primarily belongs to mother, give strong love and security
Gender differences begin to show
Learning to love
Social skills
Mother and baby boys
Mothers calm down and fathers vigorously playing with them
Early daycare is not good for boys
Separation anxiety and emotionally shut down
Stage 2: Six to fourteen: Learning to Be Male :checkered_flag:
Build competence and skills while developing kindness and
playfulness
Moms still matter just as much
Stay warm and supportive, and teach Tender feelings
Father have major influence on masculinity, playing, talking about life, working on hobbies or sports together
Practical Help :<3:
Single parent
Good male role models:
what a good man looks like from uncles, good friends, school teachers, sports coaches, youth leaders from the community, networking ...
It takes a village, at least a few good friends
Single dad invites boys don't have dads or dads not very involved.
Five Fathering Essentials
Start early
Participate in taking care of baby, bonding, bathing .... lots of things farther can do
Make time
If mother does not have wonderful support from others, when offered a "promotion" considering "Sorry, My kids come first"
Show your love
Hugging, holding, playing tickling and wrestling game and gentler things: quiet storytelling, sitting together, singing, playing music, show affection
Lighten up
Laugh and goof around, enroll in only one or at most two organized sports or activities so they have time to just "be", just-for-fun games and conversations. Avoid overcompetitiveness.
Heavy down
"I have three kids, and one of them is my husband"
Listen to your children, talk about the big picture with your partner, parenting as a team: making mistakes, fixing them and moving right along.
When boys are short
Society is more diverse and good role modeling, treatment " can do more harm than good"
Stage 3: Fourteen to adult: Becoming a Man :checkered_flag:
Need input from male mentors
Mentoring in the modern world is mostly unplanned and piecemeal
Teenage will not always listen to his parents
Mentor is more than a teacher or a coach
Ensure the mentoring happens
An active church, family-minded sport, community-oriented school, a group of friends who really care about each other(uncles and aunts...)
Usually kids listen to them
One good adult friend outside the family was a significant preventive of juvenile crime
rely on an ill-equipped peer group for his sense of self
If Young men do not have a community to belong to, they will make their own. If only peer group, it may be a group of lost souls.
Someone special - A tall order
Learn skills, responsibility, and self-respect
What old societies did
Movies: Searching for Bobby Fisher, Finding Forrester...
Native American (Lakota) Tradition
Overcoming boys' tendency toward arrogance
A good strategy: have boys involved in service to others
Gender Differences are Real :!:
Boys are two years late than girls enter puberty
Hormones influences
Boys and girls' brain grow differently
Boys' hearing is not well as girls
Even male adults:Dad is always yelling at them, when dad thinks he is using a gentle voice
Boys have trouble understanding a long sentence
Boy should sit at the front of the class, not the back
Chapter 3. Testosterone
The Testosterone Cycle
Brains go out the window
Why Boys Scuffle and Fight
Boys need order
Chapter 6: Mother and Sons
Moms help with Learning about the Opposite Sex :star:
Teaches a great deal about life and love, "First love", gain confidence with the opposite sex, give clues about how to get along with girls. Teach him what girls like a boy
The Gift of a good self-image
Mother's beautiful comments on boys: I really enjoy your company, You're interesting to talk to, You have a really great sense of humor...
Adjusting Your Mothering to Their Growing Up
The Elementary School Years
Watch activities for dangers or for the risk of an imbalance.
Junior High and High School
Show affection: cuddling or other ways that he does not mind
Stand against a school activity or sport dominating your kid's life too much( have a 'health day' or two once a term a day off) so can be peaceful by himself
Let him know this worth is not measured by exam results toward the end of high school
Some points to consider: About high test scores, well-balanced...
Learning Through Consequences
Discipline works by cooperation, Natural consequences and a sense of fairness are your tools
Boys in the Kitchen
Christmas and party treats are most motivating cooking. Meals Boys like to cook: Pizzas, pancakes, Tossed salads, sandwiches....
Single Mothering: Avoiding conflicts that can do harm
Sharing a Boy with His Dad
Making room for a dad to grow
Introducing a new Partner([The wonder of boys] offers some strategies)
Equality of the Sexes
Getting Boys to Do housework :star:
Preparing Them for independent living
Real Self-Esteem
Teach them to be useful , give them lots of chances to experience their capabilities
Teaching son to prepare a complete evening meal every week by the time he is ten!
A chance to get close!
Conversation
Males like to talk "sideways" rather than face-to-face
A way to help him to off-load his worries or share his joys
Chapter 5: What Dads Can do
Reviving a Lost Art
Most boys love to be physically active, to have fun with their fathers.
They like to accompany you on adventures and experiences in the big wide wold
They love to hear stories about your life, meet your friends and see what you do for a living
They love you to teach them things.
Kids Learn your attitudes
Kids Learn to love by watching you :star:
Being respectful to their mother is important
Mirror Neurons
Kids Learn to Feel by watching you :star:
Learn how to express their feeling by watching their fathers and other men
Whatever Happens in your marriage, Don't divorce your kids
Rough-and-Tumble Games
: What's Really Going on?
The Big Male lesson: Knowing when to stop-"Can you handle it", self-control, where and when to back off. A real man is one who is in charge of himself and his behavior. You feel safe next to him. :star:
Wrestle with son, get noisy, get angry, know when to stop this is vital
Teaching Boys to Respect Women :star:
"She can't make me do it!"
"Don't speak to your mother in that tone of voice..."
Sadly, many dads don't get this aspect of their role
DDD(Dad deficiency disorder)
Do I have to have tall the answers? Genuinely say " I am not happy about this, but I'll sleep on it and follow up.. WIP.
Finding the balance is hard
Dads do matter
School angel-home devil
Chapter 7: Developing a Healthy sexuality
The Essential Goodness of Sex
Has to come from parents: if you don't talk about sex(and right and wrong), teenagers will get from friends and TV. :star:
How people get hurt when sex isn't honored
Practical Help: A ceremony for honoring the beginning of adolescence and giving sexuality a positive start, Be as personal as you can.
Someone to talk to?
How boys feel about girls
Poor boyhood without positive words, affection, honor from parents and friends will lead to make them poor lover, marriage breakups, desperate for sex.
How Boys shut down their bodies
Boys love activity, speed and danger. A boy enjoys hugging with mom, dad, siblings, many ways to feel good -dancing, drumming, playing sports, so sex will carry less weight :star:
Keeping things Open and positive
Be open and with humor. Graduate in friendship first and major in romance later :star:
Tenderness is Taught
Treating children with warmth and affection
Boys who want to be girls
Lots of them outgrew by late adolescence
Your son and Online Porn :star:
Now the issue is more harmful: Easy to get everywhere, Once addicted to it, they Lose respect for women as people and difficult to relate to real girls
Computer access in public parts of house, do not keep smartphones overnight-leave them all on charges in the kitchen.
To deal with Peer pressure, Learn to say "No thanks, that stuff messes with your head"
Masturbation and pornography
Let boys know masturbation is okay
Respect the privacy of boys' bedroom after lights out
Question "My son is fourteen, He has pictures of naked women all over his bedroom walls. Is that okay?"
Age made big difference
Keep them out of sight
Do not shame the boys for being interested or curious
Erotica, The joy of sex -Book as educational, healthy.
Sex is about mutual respect and mutual enjoyment, it's part of loving.
If you son is Gay
1/10 is gay or bisexual
Listen and understand-and protect them from harassment or persecution
The movie-"The sum of Us"
Teaching boys the difference between liking, loving and lusting.
Mothers can help sons understand what girls like in young men-kindness, conversation, and a sense of fun.