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Conflict Communication - Coggle Diagram
Conflict Communication
Conflict Theories
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Differentiation can lead to productive conflict because there is an understanding of the differing perspectives. (P.38) Differentiation can only work if the individuals involved can determine the difference between productive and destructive conflict (p.20)
Integration comes after differentiation and when done properly the people involved explore a range of solutions to the conflict. In order for it to work though parties involved cannot let the conflict lead to avoidance nor escalation. (p. 38)
an example of this concept would be if you had an argument with a friend. First, you two would bring up your perspectives of what you or they did that lead to this point. Then hopefully you would discuss how to resolve this so the friendship could continue maybe setting new boundaries or opening communication more.
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“Conflict is constituted and sustained by moves and countermoves during interaction (p. 23).” Moves and counter moves depend on power and relationship to that person
“Patterns of behavior in conflict tend to perpetuate themselves (p.23).” Momentum is a key factor in conflict and can be a good marker as to what direction a conflict is headed in
“Conflict interaction is influenced by and in turn affects relationships (p.23).” Face and knowledge of this person heavily influences the outcome and style it takes
“Conflict interaction is influenced by context (p.23).” History and climate equals context
“Conflict interaction is always punctuated (p.23).” Perception of how it starts and ends
When I disagree with my shift lead at work it is completely different than when I argue with my family. Im usually way more respectful because they have a position of authority over me where as my family and I don't get along at all so I am way more aggressive and argumentative off the bat.
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Stages of Conflict
Pondy's Model
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This is a more emotional approach to examining conflict. It looks at how our emotions effect the stages and actions that happen within a conflict.
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Both of the models can be applied to a conflict to examine what went wrong versus what went right. With Rummel's I can use it to see what triggered a conflict because sometimes I catch myself fighting with someone for what feels like no apparent reason. Also I have used the disruption stage to figure out why I keep having the same argument with my mom. In Pondy's it helps me unpack my emotions and where I should take a step back.
Conflict Tools
Mindful Listening
Mindful listening is about not just being quiet but asking clarifying questions, body language showing you are engaged such as a head nod, and not making the conversation about you
My friend had a really tough time with one of her online classes last week and instead of just saying "that sucks" and move on with the conversation I asked her what happened and agreed with some of her frustration when I could.
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Conflict Styles
Competing is high in assertiveness and low in cooperation (p. 107). Concern is only about themselves while also forcing their own ideas on the conflict without compromise.
Accommodating is low in assertiveness and high in cooperation (p. 108). This style is all about allowing the other parties will without arguing for your own wants.
Avoiding is low in assertiveness and low in cooperation (p. 108). This is either not engaging in the conflict at all or at least staying silent without voicing opinion on anything.
Collaborating is high in assertiveness and high in cooperation (p. 108). This style tries to have the parties have both of their needs met without compromising them.
Compromising style is in the middle for both assertiveness and cooperation (p. 108). This the parties needs are not fully met on either side but instead try to meet in the middle
If you broke down the styles as The Office Characters Angela would be Competing because she forces her will on others, Pam would count as Accommodating when she was the receptionist because she put up with a lot of stuff, Michael would count as avoiding because he avoids so many things throughout the series, Jim would be a good example of collaborating later on when he and Pam are married and are having problems, and last Compromising would be with Dwight and Jim near the end when they begrudgingly get along at times.
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Ownership
As mentioned in the podcast ownership is split into two parts. First is admitting to fault in an honest and open way. People can usually tell when you are not being sincere. The second part is making sure you don’t slip into owning things that aren’t yours. If you own up to things that are not your you are not really resolving conflict in a healthy or productive way.
An example of productive ownership would be when in Ratatouille Linguini apologizes to Remy for forgetting about him because he has been dating Colette, but he does not take ownership for Remy stealing food
Self And Conflict
Framing
• Conflict frames can either be a way in which your brain organizes and interprets the conflict by putting the information you perceive into your own “frames of reality” or the people in conflict “co-construct meaning in conflict” as it is happening (p. 60) 6 dimensions:
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In the movie, Cruella an example of the first type of framing is when Cruella decides the Baroness is her enemy because she has her mother's necklace. An example of the second type is when the Baroness starts to suspect her and their whole dynamic changes and the way their conflict evolves too is because they both shape it.
Face
Dimensions of Face
There are two dimensions called positive face which is the need to meet others expectations and negative face which is the need for autonomy (p. 181). You then are presented with five face-threatening acts
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You can see the struggles of positive face and negative face in the iconic movie The Breakfast Club where the group of teenagers there for detention are on either end of the spectrum and come to understand negative face along the way
Face-Saving
Face-saving is a defensive mechanism that happens after face-loss which is when something humiliating or socially distressing happens that destroys your perception of your face (p 182). If you get too concerned about face-saving conflicts may end up in a destructive way or it can lead to conflict starting because you are not thinking logically.
In the book, it describes how certain people are more sensitive to face-saving and I think I am sensitive when this happens to others, especially on TV. I get second-hand embarrassment when I see something happen to someone even fictionally when they lose face and end up humiliated by it to the point I usually have to mute it or skip ahead until face-saving has happened.
Face-Saving Frames
Resisting Unjust Intimidation. This happens when a person feels like they are being treated unfairly and it is affecting their face because of it. There are two components which are accusations of unfairness and adamant resistance (p. 194).
Refusing to Give on a Position. This is based on a fear of looking weak-willed and compromising on a position they defended against thus losing face in some way (p. 196).
Suppressing Conflict Issues. This is about control and wanting to reach an agreement without conflict happening (p. 197). This is seen as a threat to face because you don’t want to risk relationships or be seen as a confrontational person or something that is counter to your face.
All three of these are clichés in Asian dramas including the drama Accidentally In Love. The main characters who are in love start in the 3rd frame refusing to talk to each other even though there is an initial attraction and she needs her bag back. Then it progresses to lots of arguments between the two where they yell at each other and their friends have to pull them away. Last there is a big moment when they are yelling and crying that they find out that they both have trauma in their past because they are claiming the other is being unfair. The girl's parents have died and he lost a friend due to a car accident which leads to them calming down and falling in love.