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The Practice of Groundedness: A Transformative Path to Success That Feeds-…
The Practice of Groundedness: A Transformative Path to Success That Feeds--Not Crushes--Your Soul
1 Grounded to Soar
WHEN THE BOTTOM FALLS OUT
THE DANGERS OF RELENTLESS OPTIMIZATION
ENTER GROUNDEDNESS, A BETTER WAY
WHAT SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH HAS TO SAY
acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)
cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
WHAT ANCIENT WISDOM HAS TO SAY
WHAT MODERN PRACTITIONERS OF GROUNDEDNESS HAVE TO TEACH US
THE PRINCIPLES OF GROUNDEDNESS
Be Present So You Can Own Your Attention and Energy.
Accept Where You Are to Get You Where You Want to Go
Be Patient and You’ll Get There Faster.
Embrace Vulnerability to Develop Genuine Strength and Confidence
Build Deep Community.
Move Your Body to Ground Your Mind.
CLOSING THE KNOWING-DOING GAP
“If you want to garden, you have to bend down and touch the soil. Gardening is a practice. Not an idea.”
2 Accept Where You Are to Get You Where You Want to Go
MOVING FORWARD REQUIRES ACCEPTING WHERE YOU ARE
The first principle of groundedness is acceptance.
ACCEPTANCE AND HAPPINESS
The objective of ACT is not the elimination of difficulties. Rather, it is to be present with whatever life throws your way and to move in the direction of your values, even if doing so feels hard in the moment
The most powerful teachings of ACT,
A
ccept what is happening without fusing your identity to it. Zoom out to a larger perspective or awareness from which you can observe your situation without feeling like you are trapped in it.
C
hoose how you want to move forward in a way that aligns with your innermost values.
T
ake action, even if doing so feels scary or uncomfortable.
THE WISDOM OF ACCEPTANCE: DON’T LET THE ARROW HIT YOU TWICE
Not accepting our reality causes us to feel tenuous and unsteady, like we’re never really on solid ground. It prevents us from achieving our potential, too
ACCEPTANCE AND PEAK PERFORMANCE GO HAND IN HAND
“Nothing I accept about myself can be used to diminish me,”. It allowed her to stand tall and openhearted, to keep fighting the good fight, even when doing so meant going against all odds.
It is only when you fully accept your current abilities and circumstances that you can perform from a place of freedom and play to win. After years of being tight, this can feel like having shackles removed.
Whenever others asked him if he was ready, or when he asked himself, he answered,
“I’m as ready as I’m going to be.”
He became looser, more relaxed, and more open.
You can also still improve and change. Acceptance means that where you are today is where you are today; it’s exactly where you need to be, and it’s the key to getting where you want to go.
She’s a work in progress, and that’s the point. “Acceptance is now a regular part of my life,” she told me. “It’s realizing that not every day is going to be perfect, and that’s okay. It’s about being humble. It’s about constantly knowing where I am. I feel a deep freedom that comes from acknowledging my pain, my flaws, and my failures, and moving forward anyway,”
PRACTICE: CULTIVATE THE LENS OF A “WISE OBSERVER”
Rather than being so involved in whatever you are experiencing, it can be useful to step back and view it from afar. This helps create space between yourself and your situation so that you can accept it and view it more clearly.
Formal instructions in book
When you accept and evaluate your situation from a larger perspective, your ability to work with it in a skillful manner improves.
Self-distancing. Imagine that a friend is going through the same situation as you. How would you look at that friend? What advice would you give them?
RAIN Model to be a wise observer
Recognize what is happening.
Allow life to be just as it is.
Investigate your inner experience with kindness and curiosity.
Note or practice non-identification, not fusing with what you are experiencing but rather viewing it from a larger perspective.
PRACTICE: CHOOSE SELF-COMPASSION OVER SELF-JUDGMENT
Stop shoulding yourself. Shift from judging tone to positive/action tone to foster self-compassion. Shift to:
I'd like to be doing something else,
I'd like to be in a different situation,
I'd like to go about this differently.
Treat yourself like a crying baby.
resist the urge to yell at ourselves, and show ourselves love instead. If that doesn’t work, we must stop engaging in the situation and create space to do the equivalent of crying it out.
“This is what is happening right now. I’m doing the best I can.
Don't fire multiple arrows at yourself. Replace negative self-talk with a firm with positive affirimation to accept reality and do what you can. Similar to facing the productivity dragon (reality) like Cal always says.
mantras like this are effective at defusing negative judgment and bringing you back into the present moment so that you can take productive action instead of resisting or ruminating
PRACTICE: CHOOSE SELF-COMPASSION OVER SELF-JUDGMENT
Self-compassion serves as the bridge between accepting what is happening and taking wise action. If your inner voice is overly judgmental and critical, you are likely to get stuck, or worse, go backward. You need to be kind to yourself.
PRACTICE: RELAX AND WIN
PRACTICE: MOOD FOLLOWS ACTION
3 Be Present So You Can Own Your Attention and Energy
ADDICTED TO DISTRACTION
LESS CANDY, MORE NOURISHMENT—A BETTER WAY TO OPTIMIZE
TOUCHING BLISS—WHEN CUTTING-EDGE SCIENCE MEETS ANCIENT WISDOM
LIFE IS NOW
FORGET ABOUT PRODUCTIVITY—THINK ABOUT PRODUCTIVE ACTIVITY INSTEAD
PRACTICE: STEP OUT OF THE DISTRACTION CANDY STORE
PRACTICE: SURF WAVES OF DISTRACTION
PRACTICE: DEVELOP MINDFULNESS
During formal practice,
Informally, throughout the day, the practice of mindfulness is noticing when your attention drifts from whatever or whomever you want to be present for, and then gently nudging it back
PRACTICE: MAKE A NOT-TO-DO LIST
4 Be Patient and You’ll Get There Faster
SOMETIMES PATIENCE IS PAINFUL
NO SUCH THING AS AN OVERNIGHT BREAKTHROUGH
CONSISTENCY COMPOUNDS
EASE VERSUS EXCITEMENT
PRACTICE: LET THINGS HAPPEN INSTEAD OF ALWAYS TRYING TO MAKE THEM HAPPEN
PRACTICE: PROCESS OVER OUTCOMES—TAKE SMALL STEPS FOR BIG GAINS
PRACTICE: STOP ONE REP SHORT
PRACTICE: LEAVE YOUR PHONE BEHIND
PRACTICE: THREE-BY-FIVE BREATHING
5 Embrace Vulnerability to Develop Genuine Strength and Confidence
LEARNING TO TRUST YOURSELF
VULNERABILITY BENEFITS EVERYONE
FACING FEARS
FROM IMPOSTOR SYNDROME TO HUMILITY, GENUINE CONFIDENCE, AND STRENGTH
FORGING TRUST WITH OTHERS
VULNERABILITY AND PERFORMANCE
PRACTICE: DEVELOP EMOTIONAL FLEXIBILITY
PRACTICE: ASK YOURSELF WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO SAY—AND THEN SAY THAT
PRACTICE: REMIND YOURSELF THAT EVERYONE IS GOING THROUGH SOMETHING
6 Build Deep Community
DEEP COMMUNITY IS A BASIC HUMAN NEED
LONELINESS AND COMMUNITY BUILD ON THEMSELVES
TECHNOLOGY AND DEEP COMMUNITY
DIGITAL CONNECTION VS. THE REAL THING
THE PEOPLE WITH WHOM YOU SURROUND YOURSELF SHAPE YOU
PRACTICE: GET INVOLVED WITH A MEANINGFUL GROUP
PRACTICE: PRIORITIZE QUALITY OVER QUANTITY
PRACTICE: DEVELOP A “BRAINTRUST”
7 Move Your Body to Ground Your Mind
AN INTEGRATED MIND-BODY SYSTEM
MOVEMENT AND ACCEPTANCE
MOVEMENT AND PRESENCE
MOVEMENT AND PATIENCE
MOVEMENT AND VULNERABILITY
MOVEMENT AND DEEP COMMUNITY
MAKE MOVEMENT A PART OF YOUR JOB—WHATEVER YOUR JOB (AND FITNESS LEVEL) MAY BE
PRACTICE: MOVE THROUGHOUT THE DAY
PRACTICE: GET AEROBIC
PRACTICE: STRENGTH TRAINING
8 From Principles to Action
MASTER THE BEING-DOING CYCLE
WEAVING THE PRINCIPLES OF GROUNDEDNESS TOGETHER
WORKING WITH HABIT ENERGY
PRACTICE: ALIGN YOUR DOING WITH YOUR BEING
PRACTICE: SHIFT YOUR HABIT ENERGY
PRACTICE: FORMAL REFLECTION
PRACTICE: MAKE GROUNDEDNESS A GROUP ENDEAVOR
9 Focus on the Process, Let the Outcomes Take Care of Themselves
REDEFINING PRACTICE
GETTING BACK ON THE PATH
MIND AND HEART
Conclusion
Principles
Acceptance
vulnerability