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my consciousness - Coggle Diagram

- - - - Remembering Self
        
        Whenever I thought back on this trip, I remember all of the stress of the car ride. My family also got into a fight on the way out, so I usually think of this experience as negative.
      - Experiencing Self
        
        In reality, I had a great trip. The water was the perfect temperature and the weather was perfect. The lake was beautiful and in most of those moments I was truly happy to be with my family.
    - - Hiking up to Humpback Rock was one of the best days of my life. Getting to the top was the best feeling in the world. Even though it was a foggy day, I could see so far out past the mountains. I had such a good hike with my family.
      - My experiencing self had a much better time than I remembered. I got to spend a lot of time with my family and that is time that I value the most. The photo of my mom is in Monticello, I had some alone time with my mom and I remember laughing with her the whole time.
      - Remembering self
        
        When I think of this trip, I just remember my family fighting, which seems to be a regular occurrence on trips. We went hiking, which I remember was a good time, but the rest of the trip was all over the place. Family trips usually stress me out in my memories.
- - - - my body responds sometimes before my mind
      - anxiety stimulated from being in an area where trauma occured
        
        My body remembers trauma that my consciousness wanted to avoid. This is a subconscious process that protects me from the feelings of my past.
        
        There is a place in my hometown where something traumatic happened to me, whenever I am around that area my body tenses up. I don't realize until later why this happens. I find it interesting that my body has its own defense mechanisms that I am not consciously aware of.
        
        This is one example of when I was not feeling well because of my body response to previous trauma. I did not realize until later why I was so upset the whole night. Even looking at this picture from this day makes me tense up because I remember how horrible I felt physically.
    - - hormonal changes and body function changes
      - My skin has completely replaced itself several times in my life.
        
        I am not in the same physical body that I was when I was born, I have undergone many changes.
        
        This brings me a sense of comfort because mentally I am not the same person. I like knowing that my body changes along with my mind over time.
- - - - I felt as if there was something wrong with me.
      - All I wanted was to wear whatever I felt comfortable in but I still experienced harrassment.
        
        This lowered my self esteem and made me uncomfortable with the people in my town.
  - - - I feel like I can be myself without receiving criticism or any other form of hate.
        
        My self esteem has gone up and my self image has become more clear.
        
        I feel like this image truly represents my first year away at school. My friend was taking pictures of me and I couldn't stop laughing. I truly feel at home here and I feel like I can be myself.
- - - - I can remember holidays and birthdays from when I was little because all of the memories are similar and subconsciously link together.
        
        This is probably one of my earliest memories. I remember being in that onesie and I got so excited for the Halloween candy. This is one example of how childhood memories resurface every year with connections such as holidays.
- - - - There is a social pressure for posts to look a certain way.
        
        Posts on my feed from people my age look almost identical.
        
        People look for approval, authentic content is very rare to come across.
        
        People often post with friends to show that they have a social life and to receive approval from others.
      - My social media up until this point has been rooted in approval from others.
        
        I would not post something unless I thought it would receive a lot of likes.
        
        I post a lot of images of myself that make me look the best that I can.
        
        I would not post a picture of myself that I thought to be "not good enough"
        
        This puts a lot of pressure on myself to look and act a certain way to fit societal standards.
        
        I post a lot of images with friends so that I give off the impression that I am very social.
        
        I am usually a reserved person and prefer to stay at home. You would not be able to tell me that by looking at my instagram.
- - - - Dance changed the way I see myself, I was very aware of insecurities.
        
        Constantly in front of a mirror criticizing myself and how my body was moving
        
        Receiving criticism from instructors on how my body was moving and what I needed to fix.
        
        I was constantly told I needed to stretch more because I naturally have very tight muscles. Bodily limits that I could not control were receiving criticism.
        
        I have tendonitis in my IT bands in both legs and in my Achilles tendons. There was a lot of pain for me to stretch beyond a certain point because my body would not physically allow me.
        
        A lot of the time I felt like I wasn't enough and that my body was not cut out for this. I was very self critical.
        
        Criticism from judges at competitions and constantly having the feeling of being watched by others in performances.
        
        Constant pressure to look exactly like everyone else. (This is a photo from one of my performances)
        
        I lost a lot of my individuality
      - Dance gave me a lot of discipline
        
        Challenges such as using large props and doing what felt impossible gave me a lot of determination and ability to work through challenges. (This is a photo from one of my dance competitions)
        
        There were a lot of times where I wanted to stop, but since it was something I was passionate about, I was determined to power through.
- - - - A lot of my friends in high school were not real friends and did not have my interests at heart.
        
        This led me to be independent and to not rely on other people to give me comfort.
        
        This was me with my group of "friends" in high school. They all would spread a bunch of drama and it felt like they did not truly care about me. I only talk to one of them still now, I have moved on.
        
        I felt very alone at this age and struggled with depression.
      - My friends in college are the best. They support me through everything and they give me a positive environment to come home to every day.
        
        They have made my life so much happier and I am very thankful to have them in my life
        
        They have given me a sense of security and given me inspiration to find my true self.
    - - Family health struggles such as my mom having cancer led me to pursue the medical field.
      - As the oldest child, I was in charge of taking care of my younger siblings when my mom was going through treatments.
        
        This gave me the sense that I was needed in this world to care for people and that was my purpose.
        
        A lot of my childhood I was treated as an adult, so I was aware of responsibilities at a young age.
        
        This gave me a lot of anxiety and the feeling that there is constantly something for me to be working on.
- - - - Family
        
        My decision of going to JMU was influenced by my family greatly. My cousin Grace goes to JMU and is a few years ahead of me. Hearing her talk about it made me think about coming here.
        
        This is one of the photos that my cousin showed me. I fell in love with the campus and decided to check it out.
        
        By following my cousin's advice, I ended up here. She had a great part in making me who I am today because of leading to my experiences here at JMU.
        
        My mom had cancer when I was 12 years old. Helping out with my family led me to want to pursue the medical field. I am now working to become a physician assistant.
        
        This is a photo I took of my mom a few months after she stopped chemo. She has been my inspiration. I wanted to be like one of the people that made it possible for her to live a healthy life after cancer.