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The Social Skills Guidebook - Chris MacLeod, Seeing the Effects of Shyness…
The Social Skills Guidebook - Chris MacLeod
The Overall Process of Improving Your Social Skills
Figuring out which skills and traits to work on and which to leave alone
No need to change everything about ourselves to do better socially
Be true to ourselves is important
Realizing our interpersonal skills don’t have to be flawless to have a satisfying social life
No need to make everybody on the earth like us
Friends who accept who we are are enough
Shy, insecure people still can have fun social life
Practicing our social skills to improve them
Knowing what are we working on when practice social skills
ability to think on your feet, multitask
proficiency in a variety of concrete subskills & their comfort level
general knowledge of people reaction & social situations
our personal social style
...
Ways to practice socializing
Unstructured way = simply find ways to spend more time socializing
practice in a deliberate, structured way, especially on specific skills
take a class to learn a performance-oriented interpersonal skill like public speaking, acting, etc.
Note
No need to spend a lot of time talking to strangers in public
Indirectly improving our social success
Knowing how long it will take to catch up in your social skills
It make take year(s) to develop social skill
Expecting our emotions to swing up and down
Moods can be rocky during that first phase.
With practice and a few success, we’ll calm down
It’s okay to seek professional support
Common Challenges and Concerns about Working on Social Skills
Practical challenges
Get drained quickly in certain situations
Short-term ways to feel less drained
Have some caffeine/ snack/ full meal
Wait until we get a second win
Take mini-breaks
take a nap beforehand to have more energy
find a fun interaction to join, which may perk us up
Becoming less susceptible(dễ bị) to feeling drained
Get more proficient at socializing in the situations
Get more comfortable in the situations
Over time push ourselves to stay in social situations longer and longer
Hang around people who are more our style
Be around people more often
Can’t self motivate to get started or stick with practicing for very long
Reasons for not being a motivation
Anxiety is holding us back
Lower need to socialize and be happy to be alone
Goals aren’t not ours
Not sure how to begin tackling problems and are overwhelmed
Some things we can do
Handle anxiety
Accept that we may not be fully ready to change yet
Figure out what we really want
Realize the hardest part is often getting started
Break goals down into manageable chunks
Don’t try to work on every social skill or goal at once
Practice socializing in ways that are fun and convenient
Too busy to work on social skills
Some advices
Make socializing a priority
Spend quality time with people instead of hanging out aimlessly for hours
Manage time better
Hang out with many of people at once instead of every person individually
Wait for a too specific plan, but have no personal adaptive plan
Feel hopeless due to personal weakness, illness
Concerns about the idea of working on people skills
I’m not sure if I want to work on my people skills. I don’t lead a very social life, and I’m happy with it.
It’s not socializing itself that I dislike. It’s that I generally think other people suck
I’m on the fence about working on my social skills. I just don’t enjoy socializing and don’t see how I’d get any personal benefit from improving at it
I’m the way I am now socially because I was picked on in the past. Why should I have to change? It’s society in general and the type of people who bullied me who should change
SECTION 1
Tackling the Main Mental Barriers to Socializing
Seeing the Effects of Shyness, Social Anxiety, Insecurity, and Discouragement
Shyness