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"Over share" - Coggle Diagram
"Over share"
Internal reactions
You immediately feel embarassed
This is your psyche signaling to you that you overshared and you should research some ways to avoid oversharing. One of the reasons could be that you have an "anxious attachment style" (google it, look up videos on youtube from professionals)
No reaction. You see other's person's reaction. The reaction can be makes you feel...
"Good"
... because you felt like they understood or empathized and you felt like
your emotions were validated
.
this is a healthy reaction and indicates that the person has high levels of empathy and good emotional intelligence.
"
Bad
" because...
Tells you to "pull yourself up by your bootstraps", "get your shit together" etc
Plan of action
Step 3: wait for reaction
acts dismissive
shows empathy or desire to engage
. He/she could say "*why?", At this point continue the conversation
Step 2:
I appreciate your advice (name). But I don't think you understood. In fact, If I
feel
a bit insulted If I am being completely honest. It wasn´t easy for me to share this but for some reason, I felt comfortable to share it with you and decided to take that leap of faith
Step 1- compose yourself and breathe.
He/she Seems visibly uncomfortable.
potential way to deal with it
Step 2
*"you seem a bit uncomfortable (name). Was it me, did I say something to make you feel uncomfortable? You can be honest with me. I won´t judge"
Possibility 1: They tell you that they are not comfortable wrt talking about their emotions and they don't know how to deal with situations where people share their emotions. In this case, it's your responsibility to respect this boundary in their personality and allow them to open up while ensuring that you create the same boundary for yourself while leaving the door open for them to express their emotions. There can be two reasons why they are uncomfortable about sharing their emotions
That's just how they are.
They have been in your shoes and have started become more guarded. They probably just need time to open up
There have low EQ (why?they just told you)
There is a remote chance they have a personality disorder. People with personality disorders are dangerous and form between 1 to 5% of the population. While you should not jump to this conclusion, you should be aware of it and read up how to look for signs of these disorders in others in order to protect yourself and your loved ones from these individuals.
Possibility 2 They feel insulted. In this case that's not on your they are projecting.
Step 1
*
Say this while putting putting your guard up
** and analyze response/ do a "vibe check" of the response. (
you can ask me why I suggest this)*
Makes fun of you, acts dismissive and you feel misunderstood
plan of action
Step 3: While in that zen state tell them that you feel insulted and the reason you feel insulted. Maintain eye contact until they decide to break it. Here are the possible things that might happen...
They look back at you aggressively. They are projecting because you just called them out for being a dick. They will attempt to gaslight you or turn the tables around you. Remain calm, composed and adopt a dominant body language and say one or two word answer. I can say with 90% certainty that they are psychopaths,sociopaths, or have NPD(narcisstic personality disorder)
They look down. You can tell that they feel bad. At this point, they usually apologize or feel too embarrassed to apologize. At this point, even you might feel bad. That's actually a good sign :) that means that this person is genuinely feeling bad and understood why you felt insulted. Return to your normal self. This person is a decent individual.
They keep staring at you like an idiot still not understanding anything. At this point, you should realize this person is an idiot and has low EQ and emotional intelligence and decide whether you want to associate yourself with such an individual. There is a small to medium chance that this person could also have a personality disorder.
Step 2 Look em straight in the eye and focus your feeling in your eyes while being calm and composed. Try to communicate your emotion through your eyes.
Step 1 - Breathe