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Conflict Facilitation & Somatics, Key - Coggle Diagram
Conflict Facilitation & Somatics
Making sense of conflict
one way to understand conflict...
Conflict definition
conflict as feedback
conflict just shows us that something isn't working for someone - and offers us an opportunity to transform our ways of doing things to work for more people
conflict is an apparent irreconcilable difference in opinion, strategy, feeling, interest or goals between at least two parties that at least one party perceives as an impairment
interdependence & conflict as a symptom of the system not working for everyone
somatics
nervous systems moving up the ladder, ability to connect lost, need to move down the ladder to be able to connect again
Methods
Plus, Minus, Interesting
What is good about conflict?
What is not so good about conflict?
What is interesting about conflict?
sentence stems
...e.g.: my experience with conflict has been...
Models
[style of conflict management*]
(
https://www.notredameonline.com/resources/negotiations/the-five-styles-of-conflict-resolution/
)
avoiding the conflict
(flight: leaving the situation)
(freeze: numbing)
giving in
(appeasement - submission)
standing your ground
(fight)
compromising
(low flight/flight - some settledness)
collaborating
(settled nervous system)
developmental wheel of conflict
[contigency model*]
(
https://nsuworks.nova.edu/pcs/vol21/iss2/2/
)
conflicts are...
...resource based
...objectives based
...identity based
...value based
How do we bring somatics into conflict facilitation?
Phases of conflict engagement
During
co-regulation
breathing together
similar posture
sensing into how the other person is feeling
generally paying attention to own breath, positure, tone, relaxedness
adapting tone of voice
methods for self-regulation
verbal methods for regulation
empathy / articulating what is important to that person
metaphors to capture feelings / experiences
reminders to ground / breathe / connect to their somatic practice or their power&truth
somatic methods for regulation
grounding
feeling where the body is touching the floor / the seat
counting breath
somatic resonance
gesture: how I feel right now - have someone repeat that gesture back to you
rhythmic clapping, together
breathing
breathing in for 4 counts, breathing out for 6 counts
breathing out for longer than we're breathing in calms the nervous system
setting up the space in a way that feels safe & comfortable
temperature
movement and seating options
those in conflict not directly facing each other ('on opposite sides') or directly next to each other (too close, too familiar)
if 2 people + facilitator -> triangle
if more than 2 people then circle
food & drink
clarity around break times
someplace that is not part of the conflict
inviting participants to notice the exits ('escape routes') and to have them be aware that they can leave at any time
soothing
bilateral stimulation
butterfly hug
stroking / kneading / ... arms, left and right in turns, from shoulder down to arms
Some effects of bilateral stimulation:
relaxation and decreased physical arousal
increased intentional flexibility, less stuck on bothering thoughts
distancing from problem
decreased worry
Further background*
What is Bilateral Stimulation (
https://anxietyreleaseapp.com/what-is-bilateral-stimulation/
)
pressure on chest (5%, 10%)
focus on one part of the body that is ok
be there
expand the zone of 'ok-ness'
bifocal processing
Emotional Freedom Technique / Trauma Tapping (
https://cdn.ymaws.com/www.energypsych.org/resource/resmgr/resources_for_resilience/Trauma_Tapping_Technique_-_E.pdf
)
music
other interventions
breaking out into one-to-one conversation with facilitator if needed
if someone is triggered / seems not ok to continue
if someone with privilege / power is not 'getting it' the facilitator can support that person to 'get it', in order to spare the person bringing the issue from the labour of explaining it again.
After
at the end of facilitation, invite people to take up regular practice
give hints where to find out more
name specific options
Before
Ongoing practice
supporting self-regulation
point practice
triggers & glimmers
Centering exercise
preparing for a conflict conversation
postures
strength & love & combination
support / being in my power
'monster' practice
change of perspective
supporting others to prepare for a conflict conversation
"non somatic"
empathy / active listening
metaphors
finding a frame for what has happened / making sense of
what will support you? e.g.:
a supportive presence during, before, after
no other meetings that day
your favourite XYZ (music, book, movie, food...)
a calm and quiet space
enough time to not rush
notepad and pen handy for during the conversation
journaling
thinking of someone they would like to emulate in their reaction / presence in the conflict, channeling them
Why do we need to bring somatics into conflict facilitation?
Theory
co-regulation
Mirror neurons in our brain enable us to perceive and feel what others feel - which helps us to be empathic. In conflict situations, this can lead to an upward spiral of the conflict dynamic. Knowing this can help us to use our capacity for empathy to co-regulate, which means we can support others in regulating their nervous system.
People with certain attachment styles need more co-holding & co-regulating than others
7 1/2 Lessons about the brain*
Spiegelneuronen
trauma-informed
Polyvagal and other theories about how the nervous system reacts to stress help us to understand reactions in conflict. As stress reactions limit our access to rational parts of the brain, a somatic understanding and embodied approaches help people to return to a state in which conflict can be looked at and transformed.
Being in fight/flight and freeze hinders our ability to connect to others, this means that regulating down to social engagement is often fundamental in being able to resolve and transform conflict.
connection to self
An approach and a mindfulness practice which helps us to focus on the vision of a liberated self within a liberated society fosters courage and trust.
How do the two of us engage with conflict and conflict facilitation already? Different frameworks for dealing with conflict transformatively in groups.
based on Nonviolent Communication, Restorative Justice,...
group meeting
One person talks, the other repeats the essence of what they understood. The facilitator supports. This is repeated until both sides feel sufficiently heard
agreements
individual: what do I commit to doing? What requests do I have of you to do? interpersonal: what agreements do we have between us about how we do things? systemic group agreements: what agreements do we have within the larger group that address the issues raised and what is needed to maintain them?
initial meetings
what happened, what is needed => what power dynamics are at play here
review of agreements
after a set amount of time, coming together to see whether the agreements we made are supportive. Does anything (else) need to change?
based on Mediation Process - 5 general steps
developing solutions and assessment
Ideastorming / collection of ideas for partial / whole solutions to the challenge. Assessing which of these ideas work for all and which don't.
pre-conversation
what happened, what is needed, who is involved,...
raising interests
what's important to each person (based on needs / values and wishes / norms: what's situationally important, open-ended interest?)
making agreements
The group agrees who does what with whom by when.
clarifying and prioritizing topics
What issues do people want to discuss? (Naming them without judgement / solutions - so that a variety of needs and wishes can be named in the next steps)
Why are we doing this project?
Our guiding questions
What can I do during conflict facilitation to support the group and the collective nervous system?
#
What can I as facilitator do to be settled and well connected to myself?
With which "non-somatic" approaches are we familiar that can support conflict resolution?
non-violent communication
empathy & resonance*
awareness of power & privilege dynamics
how do power differences impact conflict?
privilege dynamics
those with less power: experience of marginalisation, needing to name things again and again, frequently or ongoingly activated stress responses
those with power: unaware of issue, unable to hear, 'fragility', lack of understanding ('you could've just...')
fragility as trauma response
fragility as denial response (see model of
Kübler-Ross
)*
appeasement
*
forms
affiliative
includes sexual advances
includes joking, laughter
heightened self evaluation
embarrasement, blushing
self blame
it's me.
behavioural inhibition
don't act, don't speak
submission
those with power expect appeasement
if appeasement doesn't happen it can lead to conflict
pedal on the gas and on the break at the same time - wanting to run away but feeling unable to because the consequences would be worse
e.g. Black person & police
e.g. employee & boss
appeasement behaviour is exhausting - esp again again / ongoingly
can be to individuals, groups, culture, systems
mainsteams and margins*
#
tend and befriend (not appeasement): forming allegiances between those with less power
needs:
safety
belonging
diginity
is true collaboration possible despite power imbalances?
"yes, but..."
how well am I able to self-regulate?
is it a temporary state or a structural problem?
...
interventions in facilitation
ask those with less power to speak first (if they want to)
important: build trust by hearing them one-on-one first!
if person with power is defending, struggling, etc - take them to a seperate room and hear them
if person with power doesn't get it even though they are open to, share your perspective/experience ('educate' them) - seperately
More hints:
Training for Change
)*
Key
Application
Explanations / more information
specific methods
Background
Basics of the project
Theory
Links
