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Rare Book, 4 habits will cause your emotional intelligence to soar, Act…
Rare Book
Remain Relational
Leadership at the speed of Joy
4 habits will cause your emotional intelligence to soar
Remain Relational
Act Like Yourself
Return to Joy
Endure Hardship Well
Act like yourself
ED; "Just a cranky old man"
Who is my people
The heart of Christ within us
Protectors, possums, and predators
Overview in class
Brain
Appreciation
Returning to joy
Endure Hardship Well
RARE fast-track leadership require some specific change for kim. p.94
Lack of patience and intolerance for those who didn't respond like what i wanted them to created TENSION, AGITATION and DISAPPIONTMENT for me
Constantly seemed to be living in a state of frustration
my expectation for others were greater than what they had for themselves
Validate
name the emothion
recognize where it origniated
Understand the level of intenisty
Fast-track System; master system, fast brain processor, supra-consicouse speed, right-brain dominant, maintains identity, supplies motivation, optimizes engagement
Gal 6:9 'Let us not become weary in doing good,'
A mature and well-developed fast track needed for leaders responds very differently to stress.
Why accountability doesn't work/
Fear
could work; good leadership, strong relationship formed
A group's identity is formed by 2 simple questions
Who are my people?
How is it like us to act?
Curiosity, p. 130
Appreciation
Practice appreciation
Build group identity. they belong to and are value by the group. p. 132
Endure Hardship Well
Build joy before relational encounters
Building our group capacity
REcognize what drains your joy
Avoid joy substitutes
validation/acknowledge the reality: 1. name the emotion, 2. recognize where it originated, 3. understand the level of intensity
Excercise: observe what happens in the conversation
Practice validating when you listen this week.
Most of us want to fix the problem and make the emotions go away...We do this because we are not used to keeping relationships bigger than problems.
testimonies: one young man has no people skill, ...after knowing his background we do not see him as problem, but relationship
God call us to work with people who are in brokeness...bring love and comfort to them. see healing, restoration...this is part of our leadership
Slow-track system; management system, slow brain processor, Runs at conscious speed, left-brain dominant, foolws master system: manages strategy, solves probems, plans long term, optimies results
promoted definitedly got results, but it also left a wake of broken relationships
Sandbox leader
competent and charismatic but lack emotional maturity
Better information, better choices?
not excactly!
joy
the research has made clear that the human brain was designed for joy.
Kindness
defined as "shared joy" p 132
Masks and killing joy
looking stronger than we are
Return to joy
Colos 3;15. let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.
Comfort
Repattern
The most important habit
learning to validate emotions before exploring how our group faces this kind of problem builds a strong sense of belonging
ii. What part of the book impacted your leadership most?
Repattern
Returning to Joy is not complete until we start operating out of this new patern.
Relationship is more important than the problem, page 16
Long-term result require investing in capacity.
The narcissist leaders says, "if anyone is going to suffer, it is not going to be me," The RARE leaders say, "if anyone is going to suffer, can it be me? I'm good at it. p16
Engagement and emotional intelligence
The fast track in the brain is motivated to learn through joy. 2. People with emotional intelligence and relational skills always create joy around them. 3. Leadership skills do not transfer from one person to another person in the absence of joy. p.24
This book is about developing habits in the fast-rack system
People who build fast-track skills into habits operate with greater love, joy, peace, patience, and self-control. p.30
A well-trained fast-track system allow us to return to joy (restore in a relationship) quickly from almost any emotion...p.30
production capacity vs. production. you can focus on production at the expense of capacity and get stellar short-term results. But long-term results will always require investing in capacity. If relationship are the root of
joy, and joy is the jet fuel of high-performing teams, it follows that learning to remain relational is a key factor in creating high-performing teams and building healthy churches and organizations. P.15
a well-organized machine that got amazing results
story about his father in law, p.32
not allow my weariness with poor results to change my course, p.34
i got more things done than most people i know, but i was exhausted from working like a dog. p 34
learning to maintain my fast-track system changed my life. p 34
I have seen the crushing lifestly that i once lived get the better of some of the most powerful leades i have known. In fact, far too many leades and the groups who follow them are drawing their motivation from the wrong poer source. As a result, they are running on fumes and wondering how much longe they can go on. p. 34
churchs split, affairs occur, leaders burn out, boards feud with staff, a trail of wounded people gets left in the dust
emotional immaturity, p42
The assumption has been that people need to be told what to do, then force to report on what they're doing, or nothing will change.
in ministry or business, we call accountability
Reason + Good Choices = Transformation
our fast-track guidance functions operate best when powered by joy.
Instead of trying to stop the problems, the mature brain keeps our identiy, goals, objectives, team, and purpose focused on what is most important. p. 59
The Elevator in your Brain
Building your emotional competence
Begin with the end in mind and put first thins first. p 62
Personal Mission statement
Who has God made me to be? What is my purpose?
Not all group identities are healthy. Terrorists, gang member and cults
a healthy group identity is characterized by joy. p.94
Sometimes i asked myself when life was going to get better. i was tired of living in frustration, disappointment and never feeling satisfied.
I wanted to be able to say that i truly enjoyed life and the people around me.
my shift- from results-based outcomes to heartfelt level
mature leader always be grateful people, ps 131
the most powerful relational experience that exists.
Envelope Conversations
Sticky love, p.134
What HESED? in Heb word is uded 2253 times. usually to describe God.
Type of shepherd leaders: Good shephereds, Hirelings, Bad shephereds
All masks slowly kill joy, even when they work. p. 153
how to grow the habit of acting like yourself
Greek: rule, better translate referee.
freedom
maturity
make people understand- help move to the 3rd floor
Yes, i'm kind of angry right now...your's feeling some shme about being corrected, aren't you?
the bigger the problem, the group identity is bigger
Relationship is more important
Practice appreciation for 15 mns every day. take 5 mns 3 times a day. the more time you spend in a state of appreciation, the more your capacity for joy will grow. p. 185
Get your thoughts in sync with God's thoughts
food?
Games?
God design for us in our brain. joy is the normal stage.
scientist call joy-center. God is always glad to be with us. when we smile at children, they smile back. we build joy, joy became normal stage. element of our identity, character development, endure hardship well.
Fast-track (right brain, judgement, identity, emotion, and the slow track (left brain-logic, cog-native, task ...)
ps16, in His present there is fullness of joy!
He delight over us!
testimony; a business man, his emotional up and down, it depend on his bank account. i start to pray for him to experience joy from God not depend on situation. We as missionary, our support, how is our respond, emotional situation? ----as we practice, we become who we are...we remain consistent and peace.
in order to suffer well- practice appreciation
We are embody being...we have body (physical)...the practice we did with Christin, 4 4 4.
Return to Joy- one part of it, that i accepted my emotion. (i'm angry, i"m frustrate....)
The idea that joy is the ultimate jet fuel, the purest and most ...
a well trained brain-Returning to Joy 90 second...Jim Martini CEO of Life Model Works
we need to develop the skill and then the HABIT of returning to joy from formerly controlling emotions.
Stop and Listen !
Be Still and Know that I am God!
we must learn the skills of Validation, Comfort adn Repattern.
Comfort-offering a paradigm/perspective shift about why suhc things tend to happen. This is comforting and makes the problem feel more manageable
comfort lets us know that no matter how big the problem, our relationships are bigger.
some people get the idea that i think life should always be fun and happy. that's not what it mean...joy enable us to go through hardship...jesus on the cross
Trauma A- grow in home but not show love, verbal abuse, Trauma B. when bad thing happened. accident, death, pandemic,,,,
practice Appreciation:
Get your thought in line with God's thoughts
Recognize what drains your joy....reocgnizing .
interview someone you have seen suffer well. how they do it?