elements of mentoring
what excellent mentors do (matters of skill)
the traits of excellent mentors (matters of style and personality)
arranging the
mentor–protégé relationship (matters of beginning)
knowing thyself as
mentor (matters of integrity)
when things go wrong (matters of restora-
tion)
welcoming change and saying goodbye (matters of closure)
about mentoring
mentoring relationships are dynamic, reciprocal & personal
Outstanding mentors are intentional about the role.
select protégés carefully, invest significant time and energy
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overview
career functions + psychosocial functions
Gyaan
skill is behaviour designed to serve a specific purpose
skills must be deliberately strengthened and sharpened
the appropriate attitudes
the character virtue of care
a sincere and generative interest in the growth of others
Discretion is needed for the appropriate use of the tools. Skillful mechanics know that they cannot use all of their tools at one time, that some tools may be inappropriate for certain jobs, and that some tools are more important than others.
knowledge, attitude and skills
Select Your Protégés Carefully ✅
cautious when it comes to developing more in-depth mentorships
be intentional; Excellent mentors know when to “say no.”
like investing; limited resources; expect good returns
careful to embark on mentorships only with those who match
too many protégés is a sure way to compromise your own health and the quality of your mentoring
Unless they set limits; set themselves up for negative outcomes
fails at the task of selectivity
mentor dilutes the power of mentoring in the lives of protégés.
mentor diminishes own enjoyment of the mentoring experience
protect their current cadre of protégés from poor mentoring
the causes are less apparent than the consequences
Failure to set limits indicates poor assertiveness skills or fear of rejection.
an unhealthy need for approval or an insatiable need to be needed
reflect a mentor’s misunderstanding of the actual professional requirements and emotional demands of good mentorship
DO = seek protégés who share interests; similar career aspirations
DO = look for traits; communication skills, emotional stability, ambition, initiative, intelligence, and loyalty
mentorships, first and foremost, are relationships; as in marriage freedom to choose provides grounding for mutual commitment
DO = Commit to mentor only after some period of informal work and interaction with a prospective protégé.
DO = Identify personal qualities, interests, and aspirations of protégés that make them a good “match” before committing
Know Your Protégés ✅
become students of their protégés; master each one as a subject
discern the protégé’s distinct mix of talents and vulnerabilities
especially attentive to protégé’s fears and personal challenges
acknowledging as real; refusing to let protégé see them as insurmountable
most important outcome of the deliberate study
ability to name the protégé’s prominent gifts
naming them accurately, thoroughly, and always specific
making explicit what is often implicit
powerful but necessary shift occurs in protégé’s conception of self
insightful understanding result of personal relationship
a real relationship = substantial observation, frequent interaction, and intense involvement
frequency and quality of face-to-face interaction predict mentorship success.
therefore excellent mentors are accessible and available
Expect Excellence (and Nothing Less) ✅
I’m not here to do mediocre work and neither are you. This work is not indicative of the scholar I know you to be. Try it again
internalized his mentor’s work ethic
generating excellence without disheartening or overwhelming protégés
First, mentors never settle for mediocrity.
people perform at the level of their own internalized standards
often they settle for less
paradoxically, most people are more capable than they think
need a change in expectations
Mentors should expect more than their protégés expect of themselves
this raises their expectations and lifts their performance
Second, mentors communicate expectations for excellence
juniors rise to meet the expectations of mentors
when mentorship is characterized by trust, support, mutual respect
through two salient channels
model confidence, competence, professionalism, and strong adherence to standards of excellence.
directly verbalize their high expectations to protégés
simultaneously communicate unwavering confidence
what makes mentors ineffective in exacting expectations
mentors may set their expectations too low
net effect of their kindness, caring attitude and modest requirements is pervasive mediocrity
Only the most self-directed and motivated protégés will thrive when expectations are low
make stringent demands without instilling confidence
like making the journey from neophyte to excellent performer without equipment and provisions
disheartening for the protege
intentionally or not send expectations for perfection
demands for flawless performance sabotage the efforts of the most well-intended mentor
unable to reach perfection, protégés can become disenchanted, hopeless, and depressed
ironically, many excellent protégés are already dangerously perfectionistic
Affirm, Affirm, Affirm, and then Affirm some more ✅
beat the impostor syndrome
Hannah soon realized what Beth needed the most -- affirmation
Beth, I know you’re struggling right now, but hear this...
affirmation is the key to a feeling of well-being; most needed feeling
no shortage of affirmation in mentorship; high stakes; intense pressure to succeed;
affirm as people; unconditional & independent of performance
affirm as professionals; conditional & performance dependent
affirm along the way; withholding till goal met a big mistake
Affirmation is an artful blending of personal acceptance and professional endorsement.
unflagging faith = miraculous effect on a protégé’s self-confidence
Affirmed protégés exude confidence. They are assured of acceptance—even when they fail.
set the protégé into creative flight = get him started = help him articulate his dream, then bless by affirming the possibility
Provide Sponsorship ✅
Burt and Jennifer
mentors can open doors that protégés cannot open for themselves
often a critical component of gaining eminence in one’s career
sponsorship carries with it a sharing of power; reflective power
reflective power can melt barriers, open doors, and provide access to influential people
a sort of protégé shield bearing the mentor’s coat of arms
protégé has backing, support, and promotion of a person of prominence
precision sponsorship; must tailor sponsorship efforts to the protégé’s unique life dream
critical for early career success; could make difference in how far someone advances
Be a Teacher and a Coach ✅
Jim and Noel
If you teach, proteges will learn; give direct and explicit instruction
obituaries of regarded educators highlight profound gifts as mentors; often guided generations of student proteges
good mentoring requires good teaching; good mentors = inherently educators; learning is a catalyst to growth
nothing to teach, or unable to teach what you know; do not mentor
proteges are drawn to those who teach, who deliberately instruct
outstanding mentors create opportunities to give advice, recount relevant experiences, provide consultation on challenges ahead
Encourage and Support ✅
Nancy and Dr Abrams
may not master all mentoring skills; proteges appreciate your efforts if you encourage; provide emotional support
basic warmth + acceptance > counseling techniques + therapeutic procedures
people thrive; feel safe, valued and supported
not easy to practice; subtleties of genuine warmth and accurate listening
greatest struggle = bright and confident protege don't need encouragement; assumption dead wrong
especially crucial early in the mentorship when relationship is developing
seize every opportunity to
speak a kind word
lift a protégé’s spirit
encourage a protégé to stay the course
be a sounding board when there is a need
Offer Counsel in Difficult Times ✅
Dan and Derek in a nonprofit educational consulting organization
mentoring not professional counseling or therapy
sooner or later, protege will ask mentor's counsel
informal counseling; discussing problems; exploring solutions
3 broad domains to cluster protege concerns
professional competence and career satisfaction
managing professional relationships
managing competing demands of career and personal life
perceived inadequacy; impostor syndrome
buffeted by overwhelming demands, insecurity; emotional needs rise to surface
may want reassurance they can succeed
managing difficult colleagues or supervisors
helping without parenting; protecting without smothering
various roles - professional, spouse, parent, child, community member
struggle balancing their responsibilities and fragmented identities
how do mentors offer counsel ❓
recognize limitations
never pretend as professional counselor
don't expect to help with all problems
don't attempt to treat obvious mental health issues
still allow proteges to explore issues in mentorship context
active listening and accurate understanding of other's feelings
assistance in goal setting
help proteges to accept & overcome inner doubt; personal obstacles
normalize the existence of problems and distress
facilitate problem solving
bear responsibility of offering wise counsel
inevitable in mentoring
facilitates protege's personal and professional development
discourage proteges to use mentoring as professional counseling
discretion in where support begins and ends
help proteges develop discretion to know how to maintain boundaries
Protect when necessary ✅
Dr. Emily Myers and Dr. Maria Chavez in neurology residency program
the last time I checked gentlemen, fashionable dress and social grace were not evaluation criterion in our residency ...
because mentors have traveled road to success; more familiar with signs of danger; prepared to protect proteges
on occasion, don armor, shield, sword to repel inappropriate attack
career threats
bureaucratic entanglements
conflict with colleagues
hostile criticism
assignment to tasks likely to sabotage success ⚠
one's own poor decision making
effective protection demands calm and measured assertiveness.
deliberate but thoughtful in coming to the rescue; signs of outrage, indignation, and personal disturbance diminish mentor’s credibility
can be a double-edged sword; overprotective mentor may turn blind eye to real problems in protege's performance
give honest feedback and confront protégés when necessary.
excessive or misinformed efforts at protection may undermine protégé autonomy and sabotage the mentor’s credibility
Simulate Growth with Challenging Assignments ✅
Charlie and Doug in HR; increasing role in workshops; take the reins
I told them they were getting one of our best trainers.
Change typically comes about through a deliberate process; does not happen overnight; catalyzed when mentors create progressively more challenging assignments 💥
tailor to the needs of protégés
✅ shape performance through successive approximations
incrementally difficult assignments
immediate expectations should not supercede current ability
find optimal beginning point; shape according to pace of development
aim high; but do not start too low or too high
✅ find right challenge for your protege
✅ help proteges manage their anxiety
performance anxiety comes with territory of growth and development
can hinder or enhance developing protege; depending on how managed
teach proteges; anxiety is normal and should be anticipated; anxiety should be used as a source of motivation
Give proteges exposure and promote their visibility ✅
Stuart and Marsha in a Los Angeles advertisement firm
trumpet your protege's successes and expose them to senior leaders
best way to generate visibility = give high profile assignments
Nurture creativity ✅
Dr Smith and Javier in the small psychology department
everyone has unique things to offer; awaken creativity and innovation
endorsing originality in childhood helps persist as an aspect of protege's adult professional identity
offer protective sanctuary where creativity recognized nurtured ❤
🚫 applaud risk taking, innovative strategies; resist ridicule, reject
⭐ temper idealism and dreamful expansiveness with experience and discipline of reality
mentors themselves are typically creative; exemplars; pursuing unusual solutions to problems, questioning accepted standards 🔥
Provide correction - even when painful ✅
Ingrid as Dana's mentor manager; last minute preparation; spotty 🆕
not only are you doing yourself a disservice, your substandard work is reflecting unfavorably on me
In order to continue as your mentor, I need to see a dramatic turn around in your planning and preparation ⛔
omission reflects mentor's incompetence, disinterest, or avoidance of conflict ⚠
timing ⭐
is everything when providing correction
palatable and useful after initial phase of mentorship
personal insecurities become less troubling
not just performance-based correction; address unethical or unprofessional behavior ⭐
attune to protege's personal health; address unhealthy work habits; evidence of personal distress
help realize that problem work habits interfere with long term health and career success
2 sources of dysfunctional work habits and personal distress
state disturbances are situational, transient
trait disturbances are characterological, rooted in foundation
mentors who really care confront problem behavior ❤
Narrate growth and development ✅
Wayne and Ron in a large national consulting firm
Ron had a knack for developing talent 🔥
You've come a long way, Wayne; very close to running workshops on your own, how does that feel? 🎙
tunnel vision; seeing hurdles not progress milestones in rearview
mentor can lend big-picture view
allows protege to savor small gains and appreciate good work
💪 builds strong mentoring bond
mentors who narrate well forever hold a special place in mentee lives
Self-disclose when appropriate ✅
Jin and Stephen; long-standing public speaking phobia
social reticence 🆕
Jin, you remind me of my myself in law school 🎙
revelation served as impetus 🆕 for Jin
Authentic self-disclosure potential poignant learning, meaningful change, enduring bond than other interventions
success does not come with struggle; mentor living example ❤
willingness to self-disclose rated one of most important qualities
forays into mentor's life must be selective, well timed and tailored
offering oneself as mastery models ❌ coping models ✅
can be used to great benefit or detriment 🆕 betterment of protege vs gratification of mentor