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Never split the difference - Coggle Diagram
Never split the difference
Useful questions
What caused you to do it?
How does this look to you?
What about this works for you?
What about this doesn't work for you?
In the beginning
What is the biggest challenge you face?
What about this is important to you?
How can I help to make this better for us?
How would you like me to proceed?
What is it that brought us into this situation?
How can we solve this problem?
What's the objevtive? / What are we tryingto accomplish here?
How am I supposed to do that?
Give the other person the ilusion of control
Important things to keeping in mind
Emotional intelligence
Bite your mouth when you are passionate
Wait, and use calibrated questions
To calm the other person
Asking a question
Offering a apology
Guarantee execution (187)
Negotiators we have to be decision architects
Design
Verbal
Nonverbal
Elements
To gain
Consent
Execution
Ask calibrated "How" questions
Convince that their ideas is of they
"How will we know we're on track?"
"How will we address things if we find we're off track?"
When the end summarize until we get
That's right
Bad signals
"You're right"
They are not vested
"I'll try"
It really means
"I plan to fail"
Right questions
The counterpart
Feels forced to work in our own goals
Feels we are in the same page
Identify and unearth thier motivations
Questions examples
How does this affect the rest of your team?
How on board are the people not in this call?
What do your colleagues see as their main challenges in this area?
And all the people who are involved
More sample questions
Page 172
Communication
Body language reflex and are accordingly to the words
The same for the counterpart
If not match
Is lying or
Use labels to discover the source of the incongruence. EXE pag 176
At least unonvinced
Rule of three
Get 3 yes of the person
1
First time they agree to something or give a commitment
2
Label or summarize what they said
So we get the
That's right
3
Calibrated "How" or "What" questions
to get them
Explain what constiture success
"What do we do if we get off track"
Know when people is lying
Tend to use more third person
Talk more
Use your name to introduce yourself
Say it in a fun and friendly way
Let enjor the interaction, too
To get counterparts to bid against themselves
Get no through "How" questions
First
"How am I supposed to do that?"
Second
"Your offer is very generous, I'm sorry, that just doesn't work for me"
Third
"I'm sorry but I'm afraid I just can't do that"
Fourth
I'm sorry, no
Implying that disagreeing with you is unfair
Example pag 184
Be focused on the very end
"Yes", is nothing without "How"
Don't feel their pain, label it
THE RIFF
LABEL > TACTICAL EMPATHY > LABEL
only then
a request
Info
We can't separate people from their emotions
When someone is talking
Imagine you're that person
Put it detail
Labeling
Spot thier feeling
Turn into words
then
Very calmly and respectfully repeated their emotions back to them.
The key
Pay attention to the changes they undergo
when
they respond to external events (our words)
Always begin with
"It seems like...
"It sounds like..."
"It looks like..."
If they disagree with the label
we can always step back and say
"I didn't say that was what it was. I just said it seems like that"
then
BE QUIET AND LISTEN
Neutralize the negative
Say our mistakes
Think in the other person's feelings
No just
"me me and me"
Do an accusation audit
Start with the audience's fears
defuse it (say it funnily, "it would be horrible ha ha ha") example pag 70
and letting it sink in and making the fear seem less forbidding
Bargain Hard example(200)
If they not outright rejection of your offer means you have the edge
Maintain your position
Say I can do that and the others things
Types of people
Accommodators
Characteristics
Time = relationship
Time spent building relationship
Love be communicating
Love Win-Win
Want to remain friends even if they can't reach an agreement
They will yield to appease
and hope the other side reciprocates
Specific characteristics
Socialble
Peace-seeking
Optimistic
Distractible
Poor time managers
Tend to be first to activate the reciprocity cycle
They may have agred to give something impossible
Approach to preparation
poor because
they are focus on the people
Easy to disagree with them
They want to hear us
Difficult to know their objections
They could leave some difficult areas
to avoid conflict
SILENCE = ANGER
How to deal with they?
Listen carefully their ideas
Use calibrated questions
Focused on implemetation
to
translate talk into action
I'm accommodator
Remains be likeable
Don't sacrifice your objections
All the three types needs to hear your point of view
Be careful to the chitchat
Specially if your counterpart is also an accommodator
Assertive
Characteristics
Time is money
Done > Perfect
Love winning above all
Aggressive communication
Don't worry about future interactions
Tell rather than ask
For they a silence is a moment to talk more
Mentality is
"Give a inch/take a mile"
SILENCE = I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY OR YOU WNAT THEM TO TALK
How to deal with they?
Focus on what they have to say
only then
They will listen our point of view
Use mirrors
Calibrated questions
Labels
Summaries
Most importante to get from them
That's right
may come in the form of
2 more items...
I'm assertive
Be conscious of your tone
You will not intend to be overly harsh but you will often come off that way
Soften your tone and work to make it more pleasant
Use calibrated questions
to make
us
More approachable
Increase the chances for collaboration
Data-loving Analysts
Characteristics
Hate surprises
Sensible to reciprocity
Don't expect immediate counterproposals from them
Love use the time to think
Apologies don't work
They think
Negotiation and relationship are separate things
They respond well to the labels
May need days to answer
Calibrated questions
Closed-ended questions
Time = Preparation
SILENCE = THEY WANT TO THINK
How to deal with they?
Use clear data
Data comparisons to disagree
Focus on the facts
Warn them of issues early
Avoid surprises
They're not mad at you if we're in silence
If they don't see things the way you do
Give them a chance to think first
I'm analyst
Don't divide
The counterpart and me
Smile
People will bring us, more information
It give us easy to mask moments when we've been caught off guard
Don't treat others the way you want to be treated, treat them the way they need to be treated
Taking a punch
Get the other part propose their offer first
Deflect with
"How am I supposed to accept that?"
"What are we traying to accomplish here?"
Pivoting to terms
"Let's put price off to the side for a moment and talk about what would make this a good deal"
"What else would you be able to offer to make that a good price for me?"
If you start
Allude to an incredibly high number that someone else might charge
we want to get informatiion from them
It's will give you a tremendous feel for him
"I think is reasonable and I understand your..."
It's a very generous offer given your budget
Punching back: Using assertion without getting used by it
Real anger
It have to be real
We have to be under control
It also reduces our cognitive activity
When hear a ridiculous offer
Take a deep breath
Allow little anger, at the proposal not the person
"I don't see how that would ever work"
They would reduces their resources they have for other cognitive activity
Be aware of allow yourself to fall victim to "strategic umbrage"
Also can work
Threats delivered without anger but with "poise"
It is confidence and self-control
"I'm sorry that just doesn't work for me"
"Why" questions
Only use when you want to
Your counterpart defend our idea
"Why would you do that?"
"Why would you ever do business with me?"
"Why would you ever change from your existing supplier? They're great!"
"I" messages
Set a boundary without escalating into confrontation
"I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me"
Hit the pause button
"I feel
when you
because"
Becareful with the tone
No neediness
Never be needy for a deal
Never use anger or other strong emotion in a personal attack
Never look at your counterpart as an enemy
Focus on the issue
The S-curve
Punching back is a last resource
pag 204 and 205
Before, try a time-out
Ackerman bargaining
Set your target price (your goal)
Set your first offer at 65% of your target price.
Calculate three raises of decreasing increments (to 85, 95 and 100 percent)
Use lots of empathy and different ways of saying "No" to get the other side to counter before you increase your offer.
When calculating the final amount, use precise, non round numbers like, say $ 37,893 rather than 38 000. IT gives the number credibility and weight.
On your final number, throw in a nonmonetary item (that they probably don't want)
Be a mirror
To keep in mind
Be Curious
Question your assumptions
Until you know what you're dealing with, you don't know what you're dealing with.
Let the counterpart talk to discover what they want
Concepts
Wants
Represent the aspiration of getting our way, and sustaining any illusion of control we have as we begin to negotiate.
Needs
Imply survival, the very minimum required to make us act, and so make us vulnerable.
Advices
Slow the process down
TONE > WORDS
Smile with the face and voice
Mirroring the body language, vocabulary, etc
Needs
→ imply survival, the very minimum required to make us act, and so make us vulnerable.
How to confront -and get your way- without confrontation
Use the late-night FM DJ voice
Start with "I'm sorry..."
Mirror
Silence. At least four seconds, to let the mirror work its magic on your counterpart.
Repeat.
Find the black swan
Find leverage in the predictably unpredictable
Pay attention to other information
Take in mind
Retain a beginner's mind
Never overvalue our experience or undervalue the informational and emotional realities
Ramain flexible and adaptable to any situation
Concentrate on the next step, not in the final
Only when you have complete all the steps
You will have complete the rope
There are things that we don't know we don't know that is so useful that can lead us to the victory
Use correctly questions to uncover the black swam
Three types of leverage
Positive
Persuade
Your counterpart that they have something real to lose if the deal falls through
Positive leverage
Provide or withhold
Things that your counterpart wants
Like
1 more item...
Negative
What is important to the counterpar
What signifies status and reputation to them?
What most worries them?
Who is their audience?
Label your negative leverage and thereby make it clear without attacking
"It seems like you strongly value the fact that you always paid on time"
"It seems like you don't care what position you are leaving me in"
They think what loss
Paradox of power
If we push more
We will met with resistance
Normative
Use other party's norms and standards to advance your position
Find inconsistencies
Between their
Beliefs
Actions
Know their religion
Review everything you hear
Compare notes with other
Double check
You will not hear everething the first time
Someone whose only job is listen between the lines
Find things in common
Make sure the other part is aware
Show them a clear path to get their hopes and dreams
Expressing passion
For
Their goals
Their (of them) ability to achieve them
Request with a reason that reference your counterpart's religion
When we hear something "Crazy"
Its the best moment to discovery black swans
Common reasons mistakes
They are Ill-Informed
GIGO - Gargabe in, Garbage out
Discover what they do not know and supply that information
They are constrained
Discovery these to understand
They have other interests
They have other needs and desires that we don't understand all their variables at all
Ways to unearth these powerful Black Swans
Get face time
Face to face
Observe unguarded moments
On a meeting focus on
The first minutes
Before you actually get down to business
The last minutes
When everyone is leaving
During interruptions
Odd exchanges
Anything that intrerrupts the flow
When it doesn't make sense, there's cents to be made
Search to the strange things in the meeting
Overcoming fear and learning to get what you want out of life