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Flannery Leary - Coggle Diagram

- - - - Instilled in me that women are capable
        
        Gave me my belief that I should not let anything limit me
        
        Always taught my sister and I to work hard and accomplish goals
      - Sometimes put a lot of pressure on me to be just like her and have the same priorities as her
        
        I felt a lot of pressure to live up to her expectations which gave me a lot of anxiety about disappointing people or taking a path different from her
        
        Her definition of success was doing well academically and professionally and she never has understood that there can be other definitions of success in life to others
        
        Led to conflict because as I grew older I placed more value on happiness, mental well being and strong relationships which she saw as laziness or not caring about what she saw as success
  - - - Grew up poor and joined the military to be the first in his family to go to college and then law school
        
        Growing up in a military family was a point of pride
        
        Taught me the importance of contributing to something bigger than myself
        
        Focus on strength, loyalty, discipline and hard work
        
        It was also difficult at times not having my dad around for moments I wanted him there
        
        It was hard to have just one parent at times and sometimes made me feel like I had to act as a parent
        
        It was hard to miss birthdays, holidays and big moments with him but also made me value time with family even more
      - Instilled through example that I can never let circumstances hold me back
  - - - She has always been naturally very good at everything she does
        
        It was very difficult to feel like your younger sibling was accomplishing more than you
        
        Sometimes made me feel like there was something wrong with me because things did not come naturally to me
        
        She always was good at what my parents were good at and valued which made me feel like an outsider in my family because I was not
  - - - Saved all his money to create a good life for his family and send his kids to college
        
        Was also incredibly generous to everyone
        
        Always wanted to help others and share what he had
        
        My first example of how important it is to care about those around you
      - My first memories with him are when he was teaching me math
  - - - Always put religion and family first which she passed down to me
      - My first role model in faith and inspired my devotion
  - - - Persevered through having children young and death of my PopPop
      - Showed me through example how being strong for others is imporant
- - - - Transferred in fifth grade, the same year my dad was deployed with the Marines
        
        Struggled with being in a new place, where everyone knew one another but me and my dad being gone (in a war zone none the less_
      - Bullied for being bigger and "weird"
        
        I had never thought there was anything wrong with the way I looked or acted
        
        Boys never liked me and girls did not want to be around me if the boys did not like me
        
        Made me constantly seek validation from others
  - - - Struggled with making friends and went through a lot of different friend groups
        
        Freshman Year had no friends at all after the first month. People thought I was "weird", tried too hard and I was bigger than most of the girls there
        
        Led to deepening insecurities and body image issues
        
        Gave me a tendency to morph into a different person than I truly am in order to fit in with those around me
        
        Gave me a fear of being an outcast ever again and made me think there is nothing worse than not fitting in
        
        I lived an hour away and never had a car so it was difficult for me to ever form relationships with people because I could not see them outside school
      - Very affluent school while I was there on a scholarship
        
        Made me feel "less than" at times and often judged by people around me
        
        Gave me a distorted sense of world, and wonder if my whole life I would feel like I was at a disadvantage or not have as much as others
        
        I felt misunderstood and pitied because the girls around me did not understand why I could not do the same things as them or why I did not have the same things they did
  - - - Leadership Roles
        
        Being a member of the Panhellenic council allowed me to meet a lot of smart women and women in other sororities
        
        Being a Rho Gamma gave me a sense of purpose to help the freshman find their sororities and made me feel like I was able to support other people
        
        Felt a sense of pride for being chosen for roles and made me feel deserving and that my value was recognized
      - Meeting new people
        
        My Big Cali
        
        Always there for me and was a consistent support system
        
        Never made me feel like a burden which I had always felt in friendships and relationships before
        
        Support System
        
        Gave me a sense of belonging and support that I had lacked in high school and middle school
      - Greek Life Pressure
        
        A lot of pressure to conform to everyone else
        
        Culture of superiority both made me feel validated because I felt like I had been "chosen" and deemed good enough to be in a sorority that was considered "top" while also made me feel like I had to prove that I was good enough
    - - Always felt a lot of anxiety around doing well academically
        
        Perpetuated my feelings of not being good enough if I ever messed up
        
        Honors college gave me a lot of imposter syndrome and I always feel like I do not belong
      - When I first chose my major I felt pressure to choose business because it was seen as prestigous
        
        I did not like my classes in the business school so I did not do well academically because I had not interest in them
        
        My parents put a lot of pressure on me to stick with it so I felt like if I changed my major I was letting them down
        
        Switching my major to PR, a subject I had a lot more interest in, made me do far better academically
        
        Helped me gain confidence and made me genuinely enjoy my classes
- - - - This impacted my relationships and friendships with others a lot
        
        I became clingy and insecure that people secretly were planning on leaving me
        
        Made me insecure in relationships and scared to open up to new relationships for fear that they would inevitably fail and I would get hurt in the process
    - - This was very difficult to accept at first but ultimately taught me how to adapt and become more resilient
    - - Learned to rely on friends for emotional support
      - Felt pressure to take care of my family, making sure my parents were ok, taking more care of my sister and being my own parent at times
      - Switching between houses forced me to think of home not as a physical place but as people who you feel at home with
  - - - Reflective of how I felt in middle school and highschool
      - Resurfaced as a coping mechanism many times when I felt I had no control such as during my parents divorce and Covid
      - While I thought it would fix my problems it only perpetuated the feelings of never good enough
    - - Made me more compassionate towards myself and others
        
        Made me an advocate for awareness and compelled me to speak about it publicly and to members of my sorority
      - Changed the way I think about health and how much I value my physical and mental wellbeing
      - While it is a constant struggle I have learned how to be kinder to myself because of it
  - - - Left me feeling lost
        
        In negative ways I felt like I did not know what was coming next in life or college or how I would be able to overcome and made me doubt everything I thought or believed in
        
        Induced a lot of paralyzing anxiety of the unknown and how to handle navigating the confusion and uncertainty
        
        In positive ways the confusion forced me to examine what was important and who was important in my life
        
        Led me to changing my major, figuring out who my true friends were, discovering how much I value close relationships and family
      - Felt trapped, no longer in control of my life and that a life I was finally really being able to enjoy in college was being stolen from me
- - - - Oldest friend since we were 5
        
        We are very different but never grew apart
        
        Our relationship shows me the value of having true lasting friendships and that the best friends can be ones where you are different from one another
      - Has been there for every success and struggle I have experienced
    - - Makes me a more outgoing person
        
        Pushes me out of my comfort zone in the best way
        
        Pushes me to grow as a person and never be scared of the growth
    - - First friend in college and my go to person at JMU
        
        Always someone who I can go to at school for advice, comfort or company
        
        My "home" at JMU
        
        Makes me feel like I have a safe space here
  - - - Because of this our relationship has taught me that success is not a straight path, there are ups and downs and stuggles along the way
    - - Taught me how people who love each other do not give up on relationships because of conflict but work through them together which was a major shift in both of our mindsets
      - Helped me love myself more through expressing his love for me and being understanding of my insecurities
    - - First person who I really opened up to and who knows everything about me, the good the bad and the ugly
        
        Taught me how opening up and sharing things is beneficial and handling everything on my own is not necessary