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Tools for Life - Coggle Diagram
Tools for Life
Possibility
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A possibility changes you in the moment that it occurs. A possibility changes you as you take action based on that possibility.
The future that you’re living into creates your experience of the present. Action brings your future into the present.
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Authenticity
We are inauthentic. We live absurd, small lives based on suppressed emotions, irrational decisions, hiding what we truly think and feel, and a total absence of integrity.
We live with a fear of looking bad in front of other people while we pretending that we aren’t really afraid.
Our whole existence is based on pretense, including:
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Settling for reasons, rationalizations, and excuses rather than results
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We make up stories about what happens in life, and we use those stories to justify breaking our agreements, holding back, and avoiding risk. (See story below.)
We are machines. Our behavior is a series of automatic reactions — complex chains of stimulus-response pairs. (See machine below.)
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We can, however, be authentic about our lack of authenticity. And this creates a whole new realm of possibility.
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Blind Spots
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Blind spots produce constraints that are invisible to us. Once we see them, we gain access to personal breakthroughs.
Certainty
Look for whatever you’re certain about. These are the points where you’ve stopped learning. These are the places where you your feet are nailed to the floor.
Change
Change is about getting more or less of what you had in the past. It’s about tweaking your habits. It’s about playing your old games in new ways.
Transformation creates a new realm of possibility — a whole new set of options. Transformation is independent of the past.
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Conventional goal setting and problem solving is grounded in change, not transformation.
Choice
Choosing is independent of reasons.
I choose chocolate because I choose chocolate. There are no reasons.
Commitment
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Committing to a new possibility for the future means changing our behavior in the present. Action based on commitment produces results. In short:
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Ask how you want a possibility to show up in your life. Then state it as a goal in specific, measurable terms.
Remember that you don’t create results in order to become happy. You are happy and then you create results.
Context
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For example, you can live from the context of satisfaction or the context of gratification. (See gratification and satisfaction below.)
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Human beings are “clearings” in which conversations occur — much like a blackboard is a clearing for writing with chalk to occur.
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Distinctions
To distinguish is to call something into the foreground through your use of language — something that was undifferentiated and not noticed before.
Enrollment
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Enrollment is the heart of transformation. And enrollment starts with being authentic with someone about how you’ve been inauthentic.
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Games
A game is based on rules and declarations. In baseball, a strike happens when the umpire declares a strike.
We are playing a game called life. The stakes appear to be the highest imaginable — death. But we forget that we are playing a game and that we invented the rules.
Many of us live as spectators. We’re “in the stands” rather than on the court and in the game. We avoid risks and stay in our comfort zone.
Instead of sitting on the sidelines and just observing, you can participate. You can play full out. You can be in the game rather than in the stands.
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The conversation that happens in the stands — explanations, reasons, excuses — does not change what happens in the game.
The Forum is a game. The leader is a coach. Be coachable. When others share, listen for ways to apply it to yourself.
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Integrity
Integrity means being complete, whole, and powerful. Levels of integrity include:
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Your word has creative power. You create new possibilities simply by speaking about them and then aligning your behavior with them.
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Rackets
You run rackets by complaining constantly about circumstances while receiving a secret payoff from those circumstances.
A 40-year-old man complains for years about being broke. His parents respond by giving him regular infusions of cash. The payoff: He gets money while not taking responsibility for under-earning.
To discover your rackets, look at your complaints. What are you doing to perpetuate the sources of those complaints?
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Strong Suits
Your strong suits are fundamental decisions about how to live. You made these decisions at certain points in your life:
During childhood, you experienced a time when you weren’t good enough, and you decided to be…. (fill in the blank)
During adolescence, you experienced a time when you didn’t belong, and you decided to be…. (fill in the blank)
As a young adult, you experienced a time when you realized you were on your own, and you decided to be…. (fill in the blank)
These decisions are often random, hasty, irrational, and even absurd. Yet they can shape our thinking and action for a lifetime.
Story
We routinely collapse the distinction between what actually happens and our interpretations of what happens. Stories are interpretations of the facts.
Example: Your mother-in-law asks you to not call her “mother.” You make up a story about this: She doesn’t love me.
From then on, your behavior around your mother-in-law is based on this story. You pretend that your story is what actually happened.
It’s possible that your mother-in-law never rejected you. Maybe she truly loves you — and just wants to be called by her first name.
When you forget the distinction between what actually happened and your stories, you become inauthentic. You lose power.
Someday
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You don’t create results in order to become satisfied “someday.” Rather, you are satisfied and then you create results.
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