unconditional love
Love in psychology pre harlow
psychology didn't believe in love pre-1950s
Deborah Blum
biographer for harlow
wrote about how psychologists at the time saw loving behaviour towards children as a problem
'a mother's love is a dangerous instrument' (John Watson)
John watson
'serious rocks ahead for the over-kissed child'
defined 'over-kissing' as kissing your child more than once a year
psychologists had not figured out how to measurer/quantify/talk about love as it was seen as crude
early 20th century, doctors saw that kids who were picked up more, had more infections.
Harlow (1960)
doctors, pediatricians and psychologists all telling parents to not show their child affection
after decades, in 1940s, health care noticed that the 'unloved' children in hospitals and orphanages would die
two dolls and a baby monkey
one doll made of wire with an ugly and
face and has milk, while the other made
of cloth.
baby would be put in cage with the two dolls and see who the monkey attaches to
monkey expected to stay on wire mother as it was feeding them
monkey would jump to wire mother, get some milk,
then return to cloth mother
would spend 17-18 hours a day on
cloth mother, while less than an hour
on the wire mother
proved relationships between mother and child are about more than just food
cloth mother reassured and relaxed the monkey
another Harlow experiment turned the comforting mother into a rejecting mother
brass spikes embedded that would shoot out when the monkey clung on, the other mother would shake.
when the mothers would stop spiking or shaking the monkey would return to try and be loved again
Daniel Solomon 2006
lived in romanian orphanage
was there for 7 1/2 years
100 or so orphans living in same room
did not know any of the caretakers well
did not go to school
adoptive parents flew to Romania from Ohio
saw a happy, excited child
early weeks were full of firsts (sleeping in a bed alone etc) and only a few tantrums
after 6 months, birthday sparked realisation of difference between adoptive and biological parents
daniel confused and disturbed
blamed adoptive parents for being in orphanage for 7 years
grew a hatred for them
had extreme violent tantrums
turned to mental health professionals
told to get puppy, daniel strangled puppy
10 yrs old, diagnosed with attachment disorder
not being able to feel attached to anyone at all
found another boy with attachment disorder who seemed to be doing well, introduced to daniel - 'big brother;
boy committed murder not long after
people with attachment disorder do not develop a conscience nor feel empathy
mid 70s, Foster Cline, Children who cannot connect to parents should be forcibly regressed.
so they would return to baby like dependence
Roland Federici, intensive programme
maintaining eye contact, 3 ft apart, daniel couldnt ask for anything
3rd week, learnt that she did love him and his behaviour changed.
8th week, cured of violent behaviour
started stealing from local shops, then escalated
Greg keck programme
cradling daniel every night like a newborn and feeding him
gradual transformation
Ben Royko
ben diagnosed with autism at age 2
can grow violent
by age 12, nearly 6 ft and 250 pounds
therapists recommended care homes
aggression worsened and taking care of ben was becoming fatal for the parents
decided to place ben in a facility
first few weeks at facility, ben was happy
having a structured and busy day helped ben