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Marital enrichment - Coggle Diagram
Marital enrichment
How to predict divorce (Gottman, p.30-52)
Harsh start-ups; when discussion lead off with criticism and/or sarcasm (Gottman, p.31-32)
The Four Horsemen (Gottman, p.32-39)
1) Criticism; is global and expresses negative feelings or opinions about the other's character or personality (Gottman, p.32-33)
2) Contempt; sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, mockery and hostile humor (Gottman, p.34)
3) Defensiveness; a way of blaming your partner (Gottman, p.37)
4) Stonewalling; when someone acts as though he could care less about what you're saying, most of the man is the stonewaller (Gottman, p.38-39,42)
Flooding; feeling psychologically and physically overwhelmed (Gottman, p.39-41)
Body language; physiological readings such as heart rate, hormonal changes, blood pressure (Gottman, p.41-42)
Failed repair attempts; failed attempts to de-escalate the tension during conflict (Gottman, p.44-47)
Bad memories; couples rewrite their past in a negative way (Gottman, p.47-49)
Four final stages that signal death of a relationship (Gottman, p.50)
1) The couple sees their marital problems as severe (Gottman, p.50)
2) Talking about things seems useless (Gottman, p.50)
3) The couple leads parallel lives (Gottman, p.50)
4) Loneliness sets in (Gottman, p.50)
Good news! Even a marriage about to hit bottom can be revived with the right intervention (Gottman, p.51)
The truth about happy marriages (Gottman, p.1-19)
Researchers can predict the fate of newlywed couples just by measuring hormone levels during their first year of marriage (Gottman, p.4)
A happy marriage is an emotionally intelligent marriage (Gottman, p.5)
Health advantages to a happy marriage (Gottman, p.6)
An unhappy marriage can increase your chances of getting sick by 35% and shorten your life by an average of 4-8 years (Gottman, p.6)
Happily married couples tend to be more health-conscious (Gottman, p.6)
People with a healthy marriage tend to have a stronger immune system Happily married couples tend to be more health-conscious (Gottman, p.6)
Children suffer when a marriage is unhappy; increased stress hormones Happily married couples tend to be more health-conscious (Gottman, p.7)
Most marriage therapy fails (Gottman, p.10)
Biggest myth is that communication and resolving conflict leads to a happy marriage (Gottman, p.11)
Most couples are still in distress after using active-listening skills (Gottman, p.13)
Other common myths (Gottman, p.16-19)
Neuroses or personality problems ruin marriages (Gottman, p.16)
Common interests keep you together (Gottman, p.17)
You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours (Gottman, p.17)
Avoiding conflict will ruin your marriage (Gottman, p.18)
Affairs are the root cause of divorce; only 20-27% blame affairs to some extent (Gottman, p.18)
Men are not biologically built for marriage (Gottman, p.18)
Men and women are from different planets; the quality of friendship in the relationship is equally important to both (Gottman, p.19)
What makes a marriage work (Gottman, p.20-29)
Happy marriages are based in deep friendship; mutual respect and enjoyment of each other's company (Gottman, p.21)
Friendship fuels romance (Gottman, p.22)
Positive sentiment override (PSO); positive feelings and thoughts for one's spouse supersedes negative feelings and thoughts (Gottman, p.22)
Negative sentiment override (NSO); everything gets interpreted in an increasingly negative manner (Gottman, p.23)
Building a sound relationship house (Gottman, p.23-26)
Attunement; mutual understanding at a core emotional level (Gottman, p.24)
Comprised of the Seven Principles connected to trust and commitment (Gottman, p.24)
Betrayal lies at the heart of every failed relationship (Gottman, p.26)
Repairs : a happy couple's secret weapon (Gottman, p.26-27)
Repair attempt; any statement or action that prevents negativity from escalating (Gottman, p.27)
Success or failure of repair attempts is a primary factor in whether a marriage will flourish or flounder (Gottman, p.27)
Success of repair attempts is determined by the strength of the marital friendship (Gottman, p.27)
The purpose of marriage (Gottman, p.28-29)
Happy couples build a sense of purpose into their lives together (Gottman, p.28)
Having a greater purpose allows a couple to accept that most marital arguments cannot be resolved (Gottman, p.28)
How to strengthen the friendship and trust in the marriage (Gottman, p.53-114)
Enhance your "Love Maps"; the part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner's life (Gottman, p.53-66)
Couples with detailed Love Maps are far better prepared to cope with stressful events and conflict (Gottman, p.54)
Use question games and questionnaires to get to know your partner's inner world bette (Gottman, p.56-66)
Nurture your fondness and admiration of your partner (Gottman, p.67-86)
If fondness and admiration are completely missing, reviving the relationship is impossible (Gottman, p.69)
The best test of whether a couple still has fondness and admiration is usually how they view their past (Gottman, p.69)
Fondness and admiration are antidotes for contempt (Gottman, p.71)
Scan for qualities and actions that you appreciate about your spouse (Gottman, p.71)
Learn to cherish your spouse; maximize thoughts of your spouse's positive qualities and minimize thoughts of negative ones (Gottman, p.79)
Turn toward each other instead of away (Gottman, p.87-114)
Couples who engage in lots of daily interactions tend to remain happy (Gottman, p.87)
Couples are always making "bids" for each other's attention; the partner responds to each bid either by turning toward the spouse or turning away (Gottman, p.88)
Most arguments between couples resulted from a failed bid for connection (Gottman, p.88)
Obstacles to turning towards (Gottman, p.91-94)
Missing a bid because it's wrapped in anger or other negative emotion (Gottman, p.91-92)
Being distracted by the wired world (Gottman, p.92-94)
It's very helpful to reunite at the end of the day and ask how it went (Gottman, p.97)
Learn to respond with empathy and compassion to your partner's sadness, fear and anger; "when you are in pain, the world stops and I listen to you" (Gottman, p.103-108)