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Responsibility Rebellion -Kain Ramsey - Coggle Diagram
Responsibility Rebellion
-Kain Ramsey
The Ego Trap of Self Improvement
We focus too much on us
our ego
our feelings
our thoughts
our wants
our desires
We compare ourselves to others and externalize our worth, making us unworthy unless validated by an external factor
Social media compounds this problem exponentially
We compare ourselves to those "below" us, giving us a false sense of superiority
We compare ourselves to those better than us (see the Social Media entry) and wonder why we can't "keep up"
One way to overcome this is to focus on a Greater Purpose - something larger than and beyond ourselves
Life is directed by opportunity cost - we must do X and the cost of Y, as we cannot do both
Why do we really do what we do? Do we exercise to be healthier for our families? Then how much time are we really spending with them? Does it align?
Delayed gratification isn't natural (marshmallow experiment) but proves to be essential to success
Wanting to Change Isn't Enough
We must address the patterns, beliefs, and thoughts that we have that motivated our behaviors before we can change
The Victim Mentality must be done away with - just because we suffered from something in the past doesn't mean we need to continue suffering from it
We fear loss (loss aversion) and see personal change as a "loss of self", so we fool ourselves into clinging to old beliefs and patterns
Response vs. Reaction - Viktor Frankl, "Man's Search for Meaning"
Response - thought out and deliberate
Reaction - automatic and emotional
The Power of Beliefs
Impostor Syndrome - the feeling that we do not deserve to be where we are, often brought about by comparison to others we deem to be "better"
The Elephant tied down with a tiny rope - the baby elephant cannot escape, the adult elephant accepts this reality and never tests it
Plato's Cave
We must address the underlying beliefs that motivate us if we want to elicit real, meaningful change
We are good enough, despite what meaning we may assign to past patterns
Defining your Core Beliefs
Fixed vs. Growth Mindset
Beleifs are the things you believe to be automatically true in almost all situations
They are often "given" to you by influential people as you grow - teachers, parents, peers, etc.
You are not your trauma
Beliefs must be examined closely and scrutinized carefully
George Michael was Right
We must have faith in ourselves
the Sharks and the Sea Turtles story
many people are trying to prove their significance - but significance to whom, and for what reason?
Margaret's Bird - had a chance to escape, but chose SECURITY over FREEDOM.
Fear is a common obstacle to living in congruence with our beliefs
Values: Your Driving Force
Values = what you feel to be important
Beleifs = the "facts" you assume to be true
Write down your values, pick 5-10 of the top ones, and try to let them guide your decisions. Revise as necessary.
Happiness (Contentment?) vs. Fulfillment
Obsession with our own "significance" should not be an obstacle to relationships and time with people
Don't Inherit your Parents' Pantry
Many of our beliefs stem from our Imprinting stage, where we assume everything to be about us and take everything very personally.
The Four Stages of Development
Imprinting
Socialization
Self-Actualization
Modeling
Choose your beliefs and values wisely and carefully - do not accept those that have been thrust upon you by experience
The Value of a Productive Life
Busy vs. Effective
Fulfilled vs. "Happy"
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten
Eliminate wasted effort
Don't get comfortable in chaos and craziness
Desire + Strategy + Ability = Results
How Valuable Are you?
Embrace Your Mistakes
Own Your Story
Who I am + How I am = What I Do
You're Not a Product, You Shouldn't Come with a Label
The Frog and the Scorpion / The Crow and the Tarantula - these are false stories that reinforce prejudiced thinking
People will act in a self-destructive manner in order to continue to conform to their self-given labels
We can label ourselves, and we can "inherit" labels from others
Don't wait for Life to happen
Who the Hell Are You, Then?
Body / Mind / Spirit (Heart, Soul, Etc.)
We are not what others say we are
We have inherent value - think of a lost loved one. Do they still have value, even though they are not currently "producing"?
The Fable of the Hidden Truth - The best place to hide the truth is within us, as that is the last place we will look
[Your Name Here] Against the World
Three Types of Comparison
Those we are better than
Those we are equal to
Those "lesser" than us
Trash TV exemplifies this behavior by allowing us to compare ourselves to those who are "lesser" than ourselves
Social media causes major depression and anxiety as we compare ourselves to those "better" than us (and eagerly await their downfall)
A low self-esteem can be a great excuse to never try anything - though it shouldn't be!
How Your "Self" is Getting in the Way
Three "Selves"
Self-Esteem - our perception of how we are perceived by others
Self-Worth - How valuable we, ourselves, feel we are
Self-Concept - our vision of our ideal future self
Self-esteem is often the first place people look, but it is highly dependent on self-worth. Our esteem will always be in flux, and if we base our worth on it our worth will always be in flux
Don't let the gap between your current self and your self-concept stop you from taking the risks or pursuing change and personal improvement - this is easy to do. "Well, that's so hard, I might as well just fuck off."
Busting the Confidence Myth
Three Leels
Confidence in the ability to learn and grow in ability
Confidence in self-worth
Confidence in current ability (comptence)
Confidence is not a "skill" as much as a mindset
Embrace your novice state - everyone starts as a beginner
Don't stress what others think of you - most people are hardly aware others exist
The Art of Growing Up
3 Signs of Maturity
Self Evaluation rather than Self Criticism
Teaching rather than Learning
Fulfillment over Happiness
Giving vs. Getting - the immature are always focused on getting
Where are you Going?
Embracing change vs. rebelling against it
Meaning vs. Purpose
meaning is something that we assign
purpose is something we control
Do not label yourself, or you risk being forever confined to those labels
Have a vision - what is your purpose that is greater than yourself? Take an active role.
Feeding your Hunger
4 Stages of Learning
Hunger
Learning
Teaching
Feedback
The Feynman Technique
Fixed vs. Growth Mindsets - fixed mindset does not allow for learning
Marge Simpson and Piano Lessons - I only have to stay one lesson ahead of the kid! - don't wait until your knowledge is "perfect" as validated by external sources before you teach
Level Up your Life
Like a video game, we begin as a puny Lvl. 1 and can barely fight sewer rats. As we face challenges, we gain experience and new abilities, which allow us to overcome greater challenges, and this cycle continues
Take an active process here!
Talent isn't Enough - the CEO who loaned his talents while on vacation
Developing Emotional Intelligence
Reflect outside of formal sessions - meditation is not the only time to be mindful
Learn to pause - reacting vs. responding
Be mindful of your vocabulary
Open your mind to other perspectives
The Secret to Optimal Performance
Make a Decision to Change
Make the Decision
Realize the power of decision-making
Follow your Gut
Follow Through
Go with your Gut
Learn from past decisions
Take Action
Big Changes/Results need Big Actions
Knowledge means nothing without action
Manage your State
Be mindful
Physical response to circumstances
Monitor your Language
Ditch the Stories
Learn from mistakes, but do not cling to them
Give Something Back
Procrastination: The Enemy from Within
There are not "procrastinators" and "non-procrastinators", merely people
Done is better than Perfectly Undone
Use Parkinson's Law
Embrace Procrastination - it happens to us all
Use Neuroplasticity to Overcome barriers
Stop Comparing yourself to others
Working with a Blank Canvasse
Do Your Best, do not Try your Best - Do or Do Not, there Is No Try
Take Massive Actions
Don't skip the process
Be humble
Be authentic
Pour yourself into one priority at at time
What are you going to DO about it?