Radical Honesty -Brad Branton - Coggle Diagram
Our minds are bullshit. We make things up to get reality to fit our expectations, then refuse to update those beliefs as new input is obtained.
Most people who die before age 65 do so for lifestyle reasons that they could avoid
Stress is caused by an inability (purposeful or not) to see reality for what it is and communicate that reality honestly with others
The death rates for ages 15-24 are growing rapidly, presumably due to an inability to properly cope with and communicate reality
We "build cases" for what we think and use (confirmation bias) dishonest tactics in order to justify it. It
be a certain way - and here's proof.
Often, when growing up, we are taught "how the world is" based on the past experiences of our ancesotrs/teachers/parents/caregivers/etc.. We then try to cram Reality into this little box with little success, so we blame reality
Field Dependent vs. Field Independent
Field Independent - if the chair or line aligns with MY perception of "up and down", it is aligned. My reality and sense of self-worth is dependent upon alignment with MY OWN perceptions and judgemen
Field Dependent - if the chair or line lines up to the room or box, it's aligned My reality and sense of worth is dependent on my ability to conform to the expectations of those around me.
Erik Erikson, "Young Man Luthor" - "...the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit; for such mutilation undercuts the life principle of trust, without which every human act...is prone to perversion by destructive forms of consciousness
Lawyers as examples
The lawyer spends years learning legal precedence - past cases, how they were judged by others, how he is expected to judge future cases based on them
The lawyer then must pass the Bar Exam, where he is ruthlessly evaluated by the Bar. He must jump through hoops to do so.
The now-graduated, fully-fledged lawyer must kiss ass and suck up to make "partner", by which time he is so used to working 80 hours a week and kissing ass that he no longer knows what else to do.
How do we overcome this? BY LEARNING TO TELL THE UNADULTERATED, UNFILTERED, UNBIASED TRUTH
The First Truth
Consciousness - the "light that allows us to see light" - is developed in the womb after 4-5 months of development.
This is proven by experiments in which a fetus was shocked along with sound and eventually developed a Pavlovian response to the sound, thus demonstrating the ability to learn.
Eventually, we are born. We promptly forget these first truths, the basic and underlying truth of existence, in favor of a "personality" that we develop in order to structure and make sense of the world around us.
By the time this personality has full control, we have forgotten what it is like to be without it.
We often turn to religion to help us remember, though few (if any) are truly capable of doing so.
Meditation is an attempt to return to this reality, this consciousness
This personality is also responsible for moralism - we are rewarded or punished for various behaviors, and thus learn to perform them more or less depending on these responses
We actually create the world, the ocean. Then, as we come to live in it (the second birth), we move from creating the ocean to creating meaning IN the ocean. This is a poor choice.
The Zen proverb of the fish that cannot understand or comprehend the ocean, even with another fish pointing it out.
"Most of us would rather kill ourselves than
, particularly if who we think we are keeps dying. Many of us do.
This is the maturation out of adolescence, which many people (by choice) fail to perform or complete.
The Being becoming Dominated by the Mind
The story of the boy and his lemonade, who is later berated and oppressed for doing so and, thus, learns to hate his oppressors. His blame shifts outward, as he has learned by watching those who care "caring" for him, and he imitates his oppressors as is often done.
Levels of Telling the Truth
Kathleen and her coming-out about her abortion - she tells the truth, but never how she feels about her current state or self
We fill roles. We clothe ourselves in these roles in order to "protect" us from the "elements" outside ourselves. But who are we really hiding from? What are we really hiding?
The Truth about How We Feel Right Now
Beth and her coming out to her husband, and the subsequent letter to Brad (the author) about her feelings in doing so
The truth about our past lies and fictions
The people who create videos re: their personal stories, answer questions from the crowd, then watch the videos -
Like Learning to Play Golf - Competence Levels
Unconscious Incompetence - we are unaware of our lies
Conscious Incomptence - we are aware of our lies, but don't know what to do about it
Conscious Competence - we can discern truth from facts, but struggle to do so and it requires conscious effort
Unconscious Competence - we are able to live in the truth in the moment. We "die" and are reborn over and over, and we are OK with it
Brad's Truths for writing this book
Being Abnormally Honest
Most of us hide our feelings behind moralism, posturing, and phony "self-sacrifice"
Words are labels for pictures, they themselves are unreal
Most of the time, we lie in order to try to control things
We need to understand that our experience is often different from anothers' experience - honestly allows true, real communication in this area
Telling the truth sucks, it hurts and can make us feel very vulnerable and insecure and out of control
Taboos Against Excitement
we are embarrassed by our own excitement - sexual excitement is a great example of this
the lady who couldn't lose weigh because she was "afraid" of being sexually attractive, mostly because of impositions placed on her by her father
We are taught what is "appropriate" to be excited about, what we are "allowed" to enjoy
Joy is one of the most commonly hidden primal feelings
How to Deal with Anger
Be honest - completely and entirely
Use the words "I resent" - don't hide behind alternative labels and stories
Use present-tense and be
appreciate with the same intensity as your anger
Stay with your feelings and experiences
Keep at it
We often try to "jump on the grenade" of our anger - we play the role of "martyr" in order to "save" others, and this destroys us in the process
Common ways of hiding anger
anger "at ourselves"
Trying to please another
We must release anger by being honest about it BEFORE we will be able to truly forgive - otherwise we are just lying to ourselves
"Dangerous practical consequencs"
I might get fired
they might leave me
I might "hurt someone"
Telling the Truth in a Couple
Sex with each other
Sex with others
I/You vs. I/It
We need to address each other as people, individuals, with dreams/wants/desires vs. objects of our own design and that are subject to our will
I can address you as a
or as a
Be brutally and completely honest about
A self-destructive path in relationships is to begin to take the relationship and the experience of intimacy for granted. We feel we
it, it becomes a
, and thus we must defend it.
We also seek particular states vs. being aware of accepting of what is. Then become disappointed when/if those specific states are not met exactly and specifically the way we want them to be.
Intimacy does not equal Romance
Desperation is not a good basis for a union
We must adhere to the concept of the holy human being - namaste, recognize the soul / being within vs. its outward reflection
Complete any incomplete relationships with parental family
Stay involved with other people committed to telling the truth despite discomfort
Make requetss with no need for them to be completed. Be your own person, be honest about how your partner can help, and be accepting of the help they give (whether it fits this dynamic or not)
Talk about your relationship very bluntly
Psychotherapy - the journey from Moralism to Telling the Truth
Take care of the body = take care of the mind
Do not get wrapped up in what you
do or how it
A doctor or therapist should never work with those who are unwilling to work on themselves
Realize your role as the conscious creator of your own existence and experience - you are in control of your body, you are in control of what you do and how you act.
Our lives have become increasingly stressful - with ever increasing levels of input - and we are not accustomed to dealing with this. When overwhelmed, we turn to drugs/substances which, in turn, create more stress.
Drugs aren't bad. Drugs used as a crutch are. You need to be healthy and able to be happy without them first.
Be like water - surrender when necessary. Resistance creates more pain.
Experience vs. control. See things for what they are vs. what we want them to be.
We must understand and accept the connection between the "I" that wants and the "I " that wants to remain the same
Intention - we know specifically and exactly what we want to do
Responsibility - we must accept responsibility for
our life instead of waiting for ourselves to get "better" on our own so we can finally accept ourselves
To be able to sit and look at a awalla nd just sit and look at a wall is enlightenment. To sit and look at your life story like you sit and look at a all is to recontact your source in the same way.
Your "pretend" self that doesn't include your imperfections has to die. Then can you become a whole being. Then you can have the power you've always had, only you can use it consciously
The Truth Changes
Surviving vs. Thriving
You and I think we have learned from experience and that it is important to remember those lessons...What we frequently do i make bad recordings of distortions of experience and get off on feeling smug about them. These recordings become the jail of the mind. The memory jail needs to be inhibited rather than inhabited.
Overcoming the Lie to Ourselves
Perceiving again and again vs. categorizing - categorizing has made us efficient. We can quickly judge a situation, identify dangers and opportunities based on past experiences. People do not fit neatly into these boxes, though, nor does reality itself at times.
Self vs. Self Image
Our "self" is who we truly are, our "self-image" is imaginary. We like to think this imaginary self is unilaterally experienced by others
We know this not to be true, though. Do you really think that everyone experiences you the same way you do, or the same way as each other?
The Song of the Blue Unicorn
Our song is ours, you must find your own. For We are We, and You are Alone
The Three Beliefs
Who we think we are
How we think things are
How we think we should behave
I'm here on this planet for experiencing and I want to be the creator, not a victim. I'm willing to
learn and keep learning
experiment with life
I am more interested in discovery than carefulness. I can depend on my altertness more than my certainty that I'm right. I am more interested in learning than protection.
Fuck politeness. Fuck diplomacy. Tell the TRUTH.
Missionary Work - help others to be honest. Work with others. Join groups of others that are also committed to this honesty.
Accept Dukkha. We will suffer, we will never be "enough", we will never experience "enough", and we must act anyway
The Final Lowdown
Shoulding on yourself and others is like shitting on yourself and others.
Integrity, wholeness, one-ness is the opposite of moralism. If one has integrity, one doesn't need morals. People with integrity operate on rules of thumb, not morals...if you feel good, you don't need righteousness to feel good.
Willingness to learn, experiment, fail, grow, and
is far more important than correctness.
any event tha t breaks the conceptual do-loop
the involuntary nervous system
awareness of God within another human being
Your conscience is the Devil. The revolution of our times is the revolution of the conscience...conscience inhibits being
Fuck Hope. Hope is how must have us avoid growing up.
Postiive thinking and affirmations start from an image of ourselves that is flawed and try to think ourselves whole.
Thinking is not the source of Power. Being is. In being, we are already whole.Q
I can only tell the truth that is my truth at the moment, based on my sensory experience. We do not have to agree.Truth is not telling stories of past events, it is only able to be told i you are present in the telling and present to the person to whom you are talking.