7 Habits of Highly Effective People
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. ARISTOTLE
Real change comes from the inside out. Trying to master external techniques without altering your thinking and yourself as a person, will not bring many fruits.
There are 2 ways to live life – you can either be reactive or proactive. Reactive people complain about things that are out of their control. Their environment and outside forces effect their performance and their mood. Additionally, they don't take action or ownership of the things that they can control.
We are not our feelings. We are not our moods. We are not even our thoughts. The very fact that we can think about these things separates us from them and from the animal world. Self-awareness enables us to stand apart and examine even the way we "see" ourselves---our self-paradigm, the most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness
Environmental determinism basically says your boss is doing it to you--- or your spouse, or that bratty teenager, or your economic situation, or national policies. Someone or something in your environment is responsible for your situation.
In the midst of the most degrading circumstances imaginable, Frankl used the human endowment of self-awareness to discover a fundamental principle about the nature of man: Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.
As Eleanor Roosevelt observed, "No one can hurt you without your consent." In the words of Gandhi, "They cannot take away our self respect if we do not give it to them." It is our willing permission, our consent to what happens to us, that hurts us far more than what happens to us in the first place.
So, don't focus on what you can't control. Focus on what you can control. Take responsibility.
“God grant us the serenity to accept things we cannot change, the courage to change things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” – Alcoholics Anonymous
The proactive approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it instantly, correct and learn from it This literally turns a failure into a success. "Success," said IBMfounder T. J. Watson, "is on the far side of failure."
BEGIN WITH AN END IN MIND
To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you're going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction
It's incredibly easy to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busyness of life, to work harder and harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover it's leaning against the wrong wall. It is possible to be busy--- very busy---without being very effective.
"Begin with the end in mind" is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There's a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.
• Efficiency is doing things right
• Effectiveness is doing the right thing
personal mission statement
Succeed at home first.
Seek and merit divine help.
Never compromise with honesty.
Remember the people involved.
Hear both sides before judging.
Obtain counsel of others.
Defend those who are absent.
Be sincere yet decisive.
Develop one new proficiency a year.
Plan tomorrow's work today.
Hustle while you wait.
Maintain a positive attitude.
Keep a sense of humor.
Be orderly in person and in work.
Do not fear mistakes--fear only the absence of creative, constructive,
and corrective responses to those mistakes.
Facilitate the success of subordinates.
Listen twice as much as you speak.
Concentrate all abilities and efforts on the task at hand, not
worrying about the next job or promotion.
In the words of Abraham Maslow, "He that is good with a hammer tends to think everything is a nail." This is another factor that affects the "young lady/old lady" perception difference. Right brain and left brain people tend to look at things in different ways. We live in a primarily left brain-dominant world, where words and measurement and logic are enthroned, and the more creative, intuitive, sensing, artistic aspect of our nature is often subordinated. Many of us find it more difficult to tap into our right brain capacity.
SEVEN STEPS TO A PRINCIPLE CENTRED LIFE
Collect principles.
Define values.
Identify roles.
Set goals.
Craft a mission statement.
Rehearse and commit to your mission statement daily.
Review and develop your mission statement often.
What roles would you like to play over the course of your life? What roles it is that life may ask of you? Will you be a parent, a partner, a family-member, a community member, a manager, an entrepreneur, a friend, an athlete, an artist, a care-giver or a teacher?
PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
“There is no such thing as a lack of time, only a lack of priorities.” – Tim Ferriss
Putting first things first means rigorously prioritizing. The important things — the things which bring you closer to your final goals — are taken care of first.
In Sum:
They take initiative. “Be proactive.”
They focus on goals. “Begin with the end in mind.”
They set priorities. “Put first things first.”
They only win when others win. “Think win/win.”
They communicate. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
They cooperate. “Synergize.”
They reflect on and repair their deficiencies. “Sharpen the saw.”
To get things done you need a productivity system that is:
Coherent – aligned from top to bottom; from mission statement to next action;
Balanced – ensuring we don’t let important parts of life stagnate and decay;
Effective – making time for important things and improving effectiveness over time;
People Orientated – built to improve relationships, not strain them;
Flexible – because “no plan survives first contact with the enemy”; and
Portable – if you can’t keep it with you and keep it updated, you won’t trust it and you won’t use it.
“In choosing our response to circumstance, we powerfully affect our circumstance.”
Daily planning is often too narrow and short-sighted and leaves not enough room for flexibility. Weekly or monthly planning gives a better big-picture perspective of your goals and gives room to adjust the details as necessary and most convenient.
THINK WIN WIN
six ways to build capital in our relationships with others:
Understand the individual – make what is important to the other person as important as the other person is to you
Attend to the little things – perform little courtesies and kindnesses; beware of small discourtesies and unkindnesses.
Keep commitments – never make promises you can’t keep; make commitments sparingly and carefully.
Clarify expectations – make roles and goals explicit; be wary of the implicit ones (this takes time, energy and courage – but is well worth it).
Show personal integrity – keep promises and fulfil expectations; be loyal to those who are not present; treat everyone by the same principles, all of the time.
Apologise sincerely – admit fault quickly and emphatically; bow and bow low.
4 -step process
First, see the problem from the other point of view. Really seek to understand and to give expression to the needs and concerns of the other party as well as or better than they can themselves.
Second, identify the key issues and concerns (not positions) involved.
Third, determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution
And fourth, identify possible new options to achieve those results.
SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD
The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of - PASCAL
Good lawyers make it a practice to write the strongest possible case they can from their opponent’s point of view. Only when they understand the best possible arguments for the opposition do they begin to draft the case from their client’s point of view. This tactic is equally valuable in personal relationships or business arrangements. Always understand what the other party needs and wants, and why. Then, when you outline your objectives, put them in terms that respond directly to the other party’s goals. That is acting upon the “principles of empathetic communication.”
When another person speaks, we're usually "listening" at one of four levels. We may be ignoring another person, not really listening at all. We may practice pretending. "Yeah. Uh-huh. Right." We may practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts of the conversation. We often do this when we're listening to the constant chatter of a preschool child. Or we may even practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being said. But very few of us ever practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathic listening
The early Greeks had a magnificent philosophy which is embodied in three sequentially arranged words: ethos, pathos, and logos. I suggest these three words contain the essence of seeking first to understand and making effective presentations. Ethos is your personal credibility, the faith people have in your integrity and competency. It's the trust that you inspire, your Emotional Bank Account. Pathos is the empathic side--it's the feeling. It means that you are in alignment with the emotional thrust of another person's communication. Logos is the logic, the reasoning part of the presentation.
The first and least effective is to mimic content. This is the skill taught in "active" or "reflective" listening. Without the character and relationship base, it is often insulting to people and causes them to close up. It is, however, a first stage skill because it at least causes you to listen to what's being said. Mimicking content is easy. You just listen to the words that come out of someone's mouth and you repeat them.
"Boy, Dad, I've had it! School is for the birds!"
"You've had it. You think' school is for the birds."
The second stage of emphatic listening is to rephrase the content. It's a little
more effective, but it's still limited to the verbal communication.
"Boy, Dad, I've had it! School is for the birds!"
"You don't want to go to school anymore."
The third stage brings your right brain into operation. You reflect feeling
"Boy, Dad, I've had it! School is for the birds!"
"You're feeling really frustrated."
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Don’t counsel until counsel is sought and even then only when responses are rational. If responses become emotional, resume empathic listening. Allow silence and resist probing; it’s too invasive, controlling and logical to let others become vulnerable. If things get too painful let them drop. Sometimes all that’s needed is space and time. Continue if and when the other person feels ready.
Sometimes, people do need an additional perspective and input. But more often, no outside counsel is required at all. People unravel their own problems. Solutions present themselves. The key is to genuinely seek the welfare of the other person, not to try and manipulate them. Let them work through the problem and seek help or find a solution in their own pace and time
Link.
Sidestep negative energy and look for the good in others
Exercise courage in interdependent situations to be open and encourage others to be open
Catalyze creativity and find a solution that will be better for everyone by looking for a third alternative
SHARPEN THE SAW
The Physical Dimension
exercise, nutrition, rest and relaxation
Spiritual Dimension
leadership to our life and reinforce your commitment to our value system.
To renew yourself spiritually, you can:
Practice daily meditation
Communicate with nature
Immerse yourself in great literature or music
Mental Sharpness
Commit to continuous learning:
Read – aim for a book per month, then per fortnight, then per week.
Write – keep a journal of thoughts, experiences, insights and learning.
Visualise/plan – exercise the first 3 habits; especially weekly planning.
Some day, in the years to come, you will be wrestling with the great temptation, ot trembling under the great sorrow of your life. But the real struggle is here, now ... Now it is being decided whether, in the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation, you shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer. Character cannot be made except by a steady, long continued process.
"We must not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time."
“The most important work you will ever do is always ahead of you. It is never behind you. You should always be expanding and deepening your commitment to that work. Retirement is a false concept. You may retire from a job, but you never retire from meaningful projects and contributions.”
Social Dimension
Seek to deeply understand other people
Make contributions to meaningful projects that improve the lives of others
Maintain an Abundance Mentality, and seek to help others find success
When you see only two alternatives—yours and the ‘wrong’ one—you can look for a synergistic Third Alternative. There's almost always a Third Alternative, and if you work with a win-win philosophy and really seek to understand, you usually can find a solution that will be better for everyone concerned.”