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THE BIG UMBRELLA OF NOT GOOD ENOUGH, I - Coggle Diagram
THE BIG UMBRELLA OF NOT GOOD ENOUGH
I FEEL THIS WAY BECAUSE- I picked up beliefs as a child from my family
" you are stupid, why cant you get this equation, you are just not good with math" I cant teach you homework.. and you are always crying
You failed the big entrance exam - oh thats okay i wasnt expecting much anyway - you can just go to the school close to home
"wow you are only 13 and look you have gained weight, start exercising, look at your cousin shes a beauty queen - start exercising and loose weight
"No matter I tried i cannot loose weight" as a young child -so at one point in my life during high school i literally stopped eating - lost tons of weight - picked up migraine headaches and lost all my hair- and i lost the worth to live
"its never enough- no matter how much weight i lost - then my parents said you are loosing too much weight - gain weight back
I got tired of
"make sure you dont turn out like that, no you will be the same you will also make me cry
"why are you always crying, woman needs to be strong, you have to be strong for the future, after all one day you have to give birth to a child, thats more painful more than this small cut "
i moved to US as a child
"you have to be a good girl, you have to listen to us, you have to make sure you study well, we moved to US because of you and your brothers
I learned what its like to be different
"I get anxiety when I have to speak up among people .. it doesnt matter if its 5 people or even 10.
I feel this way because
Because --> I was bullied when I moved to US in middle school and high school " wow you speak english, but you have this accent, why are you speaking english' every time i answered a teacher people laughed at me and people always kept asking me to say it again and again because they couldnt understand me
The feeling of guilt and please everybody else
I felt this way because
I had to work hard otherwise i will dissapoint my parents
When it came to choose my major for college, my dad chose the major for me saying "i dont want my 3rd child to also major in computers, major in biology"
I cant trust people
I feel this way because
People I looked up to and my best friends betrayed me at a young age
I hide my emotions
I feel this way because
Hiding feelings means I can suppress them - that means I dont have to feel the pain when people i love/care/ trust betray me - this is my safety net
Be strong - stand in your ground
I feel this way becuase
when my first relationship ended after 5 years - my dad all said was you cant cry, you cannot let your studies get affected- so study hard - finish your degree
in order to get ahead of life you have to sacrifice and work hard everyday
I feel this way because
this is how i saw what my parents did entire life
the fact that I try to cry
" There's only one beautiful girl in this entire family, look at her shes really skinny and pretty
THE LIMITING BELIEFS I PICKED UP- THAT I KNOW NOW, BUT BEFORE IT WAS A FACT - HARDENED IN MY BRAIN
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