Please enable JavaScript.

Coggle requires JavaScript to display documents.

My. trauma - Coggle Diagram

- - - - Anxiety
    - - Trying to control others to meet my needs
      - Trying to convince. myself i am self-sufficient /trying to be self-sufficient emotionally
      - As a child, Mum would shame me as i couldn't be productive - that is showed by lack of commitment to them - and used this to deflect from not meeting my emotional needs Now I use productivity tasks as the only means to have my emotional needs taken care off (confusing animus with anima)
        
        Lack of assertiveness - i feel shame for not having more commitment to people, regardless of how they treat me - which I also resent
        
        I need more ownership of what I produce and my resources
        
        I need the emotional intelligence to understand my needs of myself and others, And to be able to nurture and maintain boundaries with others especially manufactured realities
        
        Productivity says something about me, any may make people. desire emotional connection with me, but it does not create a universal pass to having my emotional needs met. I need to connect with people emotionally too.
        
        Producing things can open. doors as it creates more resources for me and resources I can share or give to others but it is not a universal pass to gaining others emotional commitment or for me to commit to others
      - feeling that i have to give up on hope for a happy future and caring for myself. That I should not understand or use my perception to understand what others are thinking and feeling but instead focus on only manufactured realities.
        
        look at what worries you and imagine a future that this worry doesn't exist - your future hope
        
        Think about what you have to be grateful for - what are my successes?
        
        PRactice connection with people - to read them and think about whether they mirror you and reflect back to you, who you are
- - - - comfort with anxiety
- - - - Needing connection but getting frozen out and mum refusing to connect with me
        
        I felt trauma at not getting connection and lost my ability to read others faces - replaced by manufactured responses
        
        I find it hard to name my emotions or to regulate them or develop emotional intelligence
    - - My autonomy was attacked - my thoughts, needs and desires were disallowed and denied. I was gaslighted. I couldn't set my own life path
        
        Im scared that I need to obey others and keep them happy
    - - I was manipulated and in a constant state of worry
    - - Mum always spoke about me in the third person in front of other people and negated any success I had such as my O'levels, A-Levels and degree was down to the summer of maths tuition Melanie gave me
        
        I fetl deep and constant shame
    - - Mum would gaslight any issues I would voice. I questioned my own sanity
        
        I was constantly walking on egg shells and feeling in the way. Anxious