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Improving Interpersonal Relationships CH8 (Understanding Interpersonal…

- - - - Make a Date
        Unconstructive fights often start because the initiator confronts a partner who isn't ready. There are many times when a personal isn't the right frame of mind to face a conflict. After you have a clear idea of the problem, approach your partner with a request to try to solve it.
      - Describe Your Problem and Needs
        Your partner can't possibly meet your needs without knowing why you're upset and what you want. Therefore, it's up to you to describe your problem as specifically as possible.
      - Partner Check Backs
        After you've shared your problem and described what you need, it's important to make sure that your partner has understood what you've said.
      - Solicit Your Partners Needs
        After you've made your position clear, it's time to find out what your partner needs in order to feel satisfied about this issue. There are two reasons why it's important to discover your partner's needs. First, it's fair. Second, just as unhappy partner will make it hard for you to become satisfied, a happy one will be more likely to cooperate in letting you reach your goals. Thus, it is in your own self-interest to discover and meet your partner's needs.
      - Check Your Understanding of Your Partner's Needs
        Paraphrase or ask questions about your partner's needs until you're certain you understand them .
      - Negotiate a Solution
        Now that you and your partner understand each other's needs, the goal becomes finding a way to meet them. This is done by trying to develop as many potential solutions as possible and then evaluating them to decide which one best meets the needs of both. The following steps can help communicators develop a mutually satisfying solution:
        
        Identify and Define the Conflicts
        It consists of discovering each person's problem and needs, setting the stage for meeting all of the them.
        
        Generate a Number of Possible Solutions
        The partners work together to think of as many means as possible to reach their stated ends. The key word here is quantity: It's important to generate as many ideas as you can think of without worrying about which ones are good or bad.
        
        Evaluate the Alternative Solutions
        This is the time to talk abut which solutions will work and which ones won't. It's important for all concerned to be honest about their willingness to accept an idea.
        
        Decided on the Best Solution
        Pick the one that look best to everyone. It's important to be sure everybody understands the solution and is willing to try it out.
      - Follow Up on the Solution
        You can't be sure the solution will work until you try it out. You may find that you need t make some changes or even rethink the whole problem. The ideas is to keep on top of the problem, to keep using creativity to solve it. Win-win solutions aren't always possible. The genuine desire to learn what the other person wants and to try to satisfy those desires will build a climate of goodwill that can help you find the best solution to the present problem and also improve your relationship in the future.