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Emotional Intelligence/ Dealing with Difficult people: By Mark Gerzon (How…
Emotional Intelligence/ Dealing with Difficult people: By Mark Gerzon
1.To resolve a conflict for this site is it hot or cold
Hot conflict: is when one or more parties are highly emotional and doing one or more of the following: speaking loudly, shouting being physically aggressive wild.
Cold conflict: when is one or more parties seem to be suppressing emotion or appearing and emotional are you doing one or more of the following: being physically withdrawn or controlled, muttering under their breath or pursuing their lips.
So if you are dealing with a cold conflict you need skills to warm it up up. If you are dealing with a hot conflict you need skills to cool it down
The best time to learn is when the conflict is neither hot or too cold
How to solve a conflict try this approach have everyone sit in a circle and then ask each person to speak in turn with a strict limits( three minutes for each) for example pick up questions for everyone to answer that requires each person to speak about themselves and their own feelings.😎
It’s important a to remember: 1. make your own ally don’t rush to act unless you are in danger take stock of your opinions and options otherwise you might say or do something you regret. 2. Determine your goal and focus on it don’t get distracted strict to what matters. 3. Avoid name calling finger-pointing focus on the problem not on the people. 4. Listen to everything but respond selectively don’t have address every point, just the ones that makes the difference. 5.Take stock before you take sides, don’t speak or take any other actions -until you have really hear the other person out. 6. Check the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be polite. Be compassionate. It may inspire your adversary to do the same.
7.check the temperature if the conflict is still is to hot. Don’t try to resolve it right away. Agree to comeback when things have cooled. 8. Allow your adversary to know you.
Taking the stress out of this stressful conversations
We live by talking
One of the first of engagement, after all, is to pick your battles.
Preparing for a stressful conversation
knowing how to react in a stressful situation will teach you a lot about your vulnerabilities, and it can help you master stressful conversation.
A better approach would have been for David to split the conversation in two parts in fact meetings he could have raise the central issues with of Jeremy’s biting humor and disappointing performance a second meeting would have been set up for a discussion itself handling association incrementally would have a allowed time for both David and James to prepare for two way conversations instead of one of them delivering the monologue.
Remember you can say what you want to say you just can’t say it like that also work on your Body Language with your friend.
The DNA of conversation management.
Clarity means letting words to do the work for us.
We all to sign away from clarity because we equate it with brutality.
So the next time you want to snap at someone( stop interrupting me) try this ( can you hold on a minute ?) I want to finish before I lose my train of thought.
Managing the conversation
We need to learn communication skill in the same way that we learn CPR : well in advance knowing that we need to use them the situation will be critical and tense.
Honor the partner
Acknowledge the responsibility as that technique particularly as an opinion can be effective because it immediately focus attention but without provocation on the different things the speaker needs to say the listener needs to hear.
More important well Jeremy has left the company he can still do harm by spreading gossip and using the insider knowledge against the organization so we need to take care if we fire anyone.
Desire by restarting your intentions
I can’t see how you took what I said the way you did Raphaël , that wasn’t what I meant let’s go over this list again.
The Between communication and intent
The Between communication and intent
We all start relying far too much on our intentions
Research shows that in stressful conversation with speaker assume that the listener believes that they have a good intentions regardless of what they say.
We presume that other people automatically understand what we mean.
Fight tactics not people.
The best way to neutralize a tactic is to name it
Karen would have worked together pretty well for a long time I don’t know how to talk about what we went wrong in the meeting when you take on what happened and what’s going on now is so different from mine.
People think stressful conversation are inevitable. & they are, but that doesn’t mean we have to have bad resolutions.
Stand for yourself
Rachel she said this kind of humor is frivolous to you, but it is wrong, and moreover it makes me the only woman on the board feels pushed aside. She said that stand up....
The secret to dealing with difficult people.
it’s about you
Our car emotional needs to feel valued and valuable.
Blaming others for how we are feeling is a form of self protection.
You are not going to change them the only person you have the responsibility of changing is yourself.
3 lenses
The lens of realistic optimism
There are three worth trying when you find yourself defaulting to negative emotions: 1. What are the facts in the situation? 2. What’s the story I’m telling myself about those facts? 3. Another way to discovering the alternative is to ask yourself how would I act here at my best?
Best next possible right action
The reverse lens
counterintuitively, one of the most powerful ways to reclaim your value, when it feels threatened, is to find a way to appreciate the perspective of person you feel devalued by. it’s called empathy.)
The long lens
Regardless of how I feel about what’s happening right now how I can grow and learn from this experience
How to deal with them main colleague
What the experts say
Understand why
Even a small gestures such as ending an email with “thanks so much for your help” or complementing the person on something you genuinely admire, can help
Look at what we are doing ?
Targets regularly assume it’s their fault
Stand up for yourself
If someone calls you honey in the meeting, say right then: I don’t like being cold like that, please say my name
Enlist help
Everybody should have aliens at work Piers people above and below, Who can be your advocate and champions.
You oh it to the relationship to try to solve it formally.
Demonstrate a cost to the business
Make an argument that the person is costing the organization money
Know the limitations
The only time I have seen a bully change is when they are publicly fired.
Principal to remember:
Do:
1. know that most people act aggressively at work because they feel threatened. 2. Ask yourself whenever you’re being overly sensitive or misinterpreting the situation. 3. Call of the inappropriate behavior in the moment.
Do nots
1. Take the blame many bullies pick targets that they are highly skilled and well liked. 2. Escalate this situation until you have tried to solve with informally with the help of allies. 3. Suffer unnecessarily if the situation persist and you can leave it, do it.
You
could
flatter him tell him how to how great he was how did he will in a case. And he’d be back on your side.
How to deal with a passive-aggressive colleague
How can you get to the core issue when your colleague pretense that nothing is going on
Don’t get catch up
It’s hard to not get Angry and defensive but this is not one of those situations to fight fire with fire. Do your best to remain calm
Consider what’s motivating the behavior
People who want to meet us in the past aggressive we aren’t necessarily complete jerk it could be that they don’t know how to communicate or are afraid of conflict
The principles to remember
DO
1. understand why people typically act this way their needs probably aren’t being met 2. focus on math the message your thee is trying to convey even if they delivery the misguided. 3. Take a step back and ask yourself if you contribute to the issue in someway.
DON’T
1. Lose your cool dots address the understanding business issue income matter of fact away 2. accuse the person of acting passive and aggressively that will only make the madder. 3. assume you can change your colleagues behavior .
How to work with someone who’s always stressed out
How to have a good day.
Don’t think what I can do to change this person think about how to neutralize the situation and what you can do for yourself
Don’t judge
There was a time when we could go home and forget about work until the next day, But in modern days pressured to stay connected is more
Aknowledge the stress
I noticed you were working late last night and it wasn’t the first time how are you doing then you can say that must be hard
thus
acknowledging it gives you both a chance to move beyond
Offer a prize
Get a stress get a stressed person outside of fight or flight mode is to pay a compliment.
Cite something specific
the way you handled this position plus he was admirable / appreciation can be a powerful introversion
when you tell people how you see them they step into that role
/
Offering assistance
Chances are that you can’t do anything but your offer will give the other person a chance to think about solution and feel that he not out on his own
Get some distance
Have a self-awareness
to know the effect it’s having on your own web says
when someone is toxic &draining your energy you sometimes have to figure out how you can get distance from that person or limit your interactions with them.
Break down your request
Ask for a read
Get others opinion from 1 to 10 scale
Principal to remember
DO
you offer support by asking if there’s anything you can help this will help your stress out colleague feels less alone. 2. Improve your colleagues self image by offering prize. 3. Think about the ways to reduce the persons cognitive load by for instance breaking work opt into more manageable chunks.
DONOT
1. judge 2.enable the person simply acknowledge the stress then try to help your colleague move beyond
7.How to manage someone who thinks everything is urgent
Help them to recognize their impact on others
encourage them to identify all consequences of their actions
Pair them with a long-term thinkers
Cause them separate urgency from what’s actually needs to be done
Do you hate your boss?
show a clear correction between an employee’s engagement his or her ration ship with the boss while 77% employees who said they were engaged at work describe the interactions with their managers in the positive terms for example my supervisor focus on my strength. This one worries because
This worries because research has shown that an engaged workforce is a key driven to organizational success.
practice empathy
Research has shown time in a game that’s practicing empathy can be game changer in difficult boss subordinates relationship and not just as a top down phenomenon
As Gorman showed her years ago empathy can be learned
Consider your role
Second step is to look at yourself
Next observe and seek advice from colleague who works successfully
with your boss try to understand bus preference quirks, And buttons and get some pointers on how you might do things differently/
how can you tell you when your boss does or doesn’t want to and input ? how do you express disagreements?
Offer a chance to change
Doing that in a private setting where you can’t easily be interrupted and where it can be a difficult for either of you to leave for example invite your boss out to lunch, perhaps at the restaurant where you can you are unlikely to meet colleague explain that you have some private concerns you want to discuss away from office
Organize a mutiny
Play for time or MoveOn