Managing Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships (Approaches to Conflict …
Managing Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships
Communication Climates in Interpersonal Relationships
Confirming and Disconfirming Messages
confirming messages Actions and words that express respect and show that we value the other person.
2.Acknowledge the person’s thoughts and feelings.
Acknowledging the ideas and emotions of others is an even stronger form of confirmation than simply recognizing them.
3.Show that you agree.
Whereas acknowledgment means you are interested in other people’s ideas, endorsement means that you agree with them.
my experience: when other people say hi to me, and I doesn't response they will often say hi again.
disconfirming messages: Words and actions that express a lack of caring or respect for another person.
Partners show contempt.
contempt: Verbal and nonverbal messages that ridicule or belittle the other person
my experience: In high school, students with good grade often contempt belittle the idea come from students with low grade
Partners are defensive
defensiveness: Protecting oneself by counterattacking the other person.
text example: “You’re calling me a careless driver? You’re the one who got a speeding ticket last month.”
Partners criticize each other.
criticism: A message that is personal, all-encompassing, and accusatory.
One or both partners engage in stonewalling.
stonewalling: Refusing to engage with the other person.
my experience: I found out that when a person's message are ignored, he often get frustrated.
How Communication Climates Develop
relational spiral: A reciprocal communication pattern in which each person’s message reinforces the other’s.
escalatory spiral: A reciprocal pattern of communication in which messages, either confirming or disconfirming, between two or more communicators reinforce one another.
avoidancespiral Acommunicationspiralinwhichthe parties slowly reduce their dependence on one another, withdraw, and become less invested in the relationship.
communication climate The emotional tone of a relationship as it is expressed in the messages that the partners send and receive.
Approaches to Conflict
Gender and Conflict Style
Women face a double standard: They may be judged more harshly than men if they are assertive, but they may be overlooked if they aren’t.
General differences aside, it bears emphasizing that social expectations change over time and stereotypes do not always apply.
Origins of Gender Differences
text example: boys exhibit more aggressive behaviors than girls do, even when they are very young.
Cultural influences on Conflict
example: As you might imagine, low-context cultures like that of the United States place a premium on being direct and literal. By contrast, high-context cultures like that of Japan value self-restraint and avoid confrontation.
Characteristics of an Assertive Message
Describe your feelings.
Describe the consequences.
Share your interpretation of the other person’s behavior.
State your intentions.
example: “I want you to know how much this bothers me” or “
Describe the behavior in question.
Conflict in Online Communication
Delay: The asynchronous nature of most mediated channels means that communicators aren’t obliged to respond immediately to one another.
Disinhibition: The absence of face-to-face contact can make it easy to respond aggressively, without considering the consequences until it’s too late.
my experience: In order to fix this problem, I often use emoji when I'm texting.
Permanence: Because emails and text messages come in written form, there’s a permanent “transcript” that doesn’t exist when communicators deal with conflict face to face.
Styles of Expressing Conflict
nonassertion: The inability or unwillingness to express one’s thoughts or feelings.
my experience: I often done this when I'm not sure about my idea is right or not.
indirect communication: Hinting at a message instead of expressing thoughts and feelings directly
passive aggression: an indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows the sender to maintain a facade of kindness
my experience: When I disagree with someone's idea, I often use this method, since it can save everyone's face.
direct aggression: A message that attacks the position and perhaps the dignity of the receiver
text example: “That was a stupid thing to do.”
assertive communication: A style of communicating that directly expresses the sender’s needs, thoughts, or feelings, delivered in a way that does not attack the receiver.
Managing Interpersonal Conflicts
Methods for Conflict Resolution
lose–lose problem solving: An approach to conflict resolution in which neither party achieves its goals.
compromise: An approach to conflict resolution in which both parties attain at least part of what they seek by giving something up.
my experience: It need both parties have the heart to negotiate
win–lose problem solving: An approach to conflict resolution in which one party reaches his or her goal at the expense of the other.
win–win problem solving: An approach to conflict resolution in which the parties work together to satisfy all their goals.
my experience: It is really hard to achieve this goal
Steps in Win-Win Problem Solving
Step 4: Describe your problem and needs
Your partner can’t possibly meet your needs without knowing why you’re upset and what you want
Step 5: Check your partner’s understanding
After you’ve shared your problem and described what you need, it’s important to make sure that your partner has understood what you’ve said
Step 3: Make a date
Unconstructive fights often start because the initiator confronts a partner who isn’t ready
Step 6: Solicit your partner’s needs
After you’ve made your position clear, it’s time to find out what your partner needs in order to feel satisfied about this issue.
Step 7: Check your understanding of your partner’s needs
Paraphrase or ask questions about your partner’s needs until you’re certain you understand them.
Step 2: Explore your unmet needs
After you realize that the problem is yours, the next step is to consider what unmet needs have you feeling dissatisfied.
Step 8: Discuss ways to meet your common goals
Sometimes, sharing your feel- ings and receiving the comfort you both crave is enough to resolve a conflict.
Step 1: Identify your problem
Before you speak out, it’s important to realize that the problem that is causing conflict is yours.
Step 9: Follow up on the solution
Conflict management is an ongoing process. You can’t be sure the solution will work until you try it out.
Understanding Interpersonal Conflict
However antagonistic they might feel toward each other, the parties in a conflict are usually dependent on each other.
Perceived incompatible goals
Conflicts often look as if one party’s gain will be another’s loss.
text example:If your neighbor turns down his loud music, he loses the enjoyment of hearing it the way he wants, but if he keeps the volume up, then you’re still awake and unhappy.
Actual interpersonal conflict requires that both parties know a disagreement exists
text example: such as when you let the neighbor know that you don’t appreciate the decibel level
4.Perceived scarce resources.
In a conflict, people often believe that there isn’t enough of the desired resource to go around.
conflict: An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals.
I think the direct aggression really bothers me, since I don't like dispute and conflict , and this often escalate the conflict.
I think the concept of confirming message really makes me want to find out more, since I like to become a better friend and communicator.
The concept of conflict dilemma really surprised me, since I never thought that woman will be judged more harshly than a man if they are assertive