Managing Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships (Approaches to Conflict…
Managing Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships
Understanding Interpersonal Conflict
Conflict - An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals. scarce rewards, and interference from other party in achieving their goals
They might feel toward each other,
the parties in a conflict are usually dependent on each other.
Perceived Incompatible Goals
A person's win is another's loss
May satisfy both parties but difficult
Once you expressed your struggle, the other parties will know that there is a conflict
Perceived Scarce Resources
Don't have enough sources will result in conflict
Communication climates in Interpersonal Relationships
Confirming and Disconfirming Messages
Confirming Messages - Actions and words that expressed respect and show that we value the other person
Main Categories of Confirming Communication
Acknowledge the person's thoughts and feelings
Acknowledging the ideas and emotions of others
A stronger form of communication compared to recognizing
Show that you are agree
Strongest type of confirming communication
Show that we are common and in sync
Recognize other person
Disconfirming Messages - Words and actions that expressed a lack of caring or respect for another person
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Partners Show Contempt
Contempt -Verbal and nonverbal messages that ridicule or belittle other person
Partners Are Defensive
Defensiveness - Protecting oneself by counterattacking other person
Partners Criticize Each Other
Criticism - A message that is personal, all-encompassing, and accusatory
One or Both Partners Engage In Stonewalling
Stonewalling - Refusing to engage with other person
How Communication Climates Develop
Escalatory Spiral - A reciprocal communication pattern in which messages , either confirming or disconfirming, between two or more communicators reinforces one another
Avoidance Spiral - A communication spiral in which parties slowly reduce their dependence on one another, withdraw, and become less invested in the relationship
Relational Spiral - A reciprocal communication pattern in which each person's message reinforces the others'
Communication Climate - The emotional tone of a relationship as it is expressed in the messages that the partners send and receive
Managing Interpersonal Conflicts
Methods for Conflict Resolution
Various approaches to resolving conflicts
Win-Lose Problem Solving - An approach to conflict resolution in which one party reaches his or her goal at the expense of the other
Situation where is necessary
When there are truly scarce resources and when only one party can achieve satisfaction.
Second kind of situation in which win-lose is the best method.
Even when cooperation is possible if the other person insists on trying to defeat you,
then the most logical response might be to defend yourself by fighting back
A final and much less frequent justification for trying to defeat another person
When the other person is clearly behaving in a wrong manner and when defeating that person is the only way to stop the wrongful behavior.
Lose-Lose Problem Solving - An approach to conflict resolution in which neitner parties achieve its goals
Ex: A nation that gains military victory at the cost of thousands of lives, large amounts of resources, and a damaged national consciousness hasn't truly won much.
Compromise - An approach to conflict resolution in which both parties attain at least part of what they seekby giving something up
Compromise can sometimes be considered a negative cases too
Win-Win Problem Solving - An approach to conflict resolution in which the parties work together to satisfy tghe goals
Finding a win-win situation usually involves looking below the surface at what both parties are trying to achieve.
Although a win-win approach sounds ideal, it is not always possible, or even appropriate.
Even more surprisingly, you will probably discover that there are times when it makes sense to willingly accept the loser's role.
Steps in Win-Win Problem Solving
A method to increase your chances of being able to handle your conflicts in a win-win manner,
Step 1: Identify your problem
Important to realize
that the problem that is causing conflict is yours.
Realizing that the problem is yours will make a big difference when the time
comes to approach your partner.
Step 3: Make a date
After you have a clear idea of the problem, approach your partner with a request to try
Step 4: Describe your problem and needs
Describe your problem as specifically as possible.
Step 5: Check your partner's understanding
It's important to make sure that your partner has understood what you've said.
Step 6: Solicit your partner's needs
After you've made your position clear, it's time to find out what your partner needs in order to feel satisfied about this issue.
Step 2: Explore your unmet needs
Consider what unmet needs have you feeling dissatisfied.
Avoiding conflict and handling it badly
usually make us feel worse and more disconnected
Step 7: Check your understanding of your partner's needs
Paraphrase or ask questions about your partner's needs until you're certain you understand them.
Step 8: Discuss ways to meet your common goals
Sharing your feelings and receiving the comfort you both crave is enough to resolve a conflict.
Generate a number of possible solutions.
Evaluate the alternative solutions.
Identify and define the conflict.
Decide on the best solution.
Step 9: Follow up on the solution
After you've tested it for a while, it's a good idea to set aside some time to talk over how things are going.
Approaches to Conflict
Gender and Conflict Style
Men and women typically do approach conflict somewhat differently.
Origins of Gender Differences
Biology explains some of the difference between
the way males and females deal with conflict.
During disagreements, men tend to experience greater physiological arousal than women, which comes in the form of increased heart rate and blood pressure.
Evolution can take part too
Women are often more sensitive to subtle cues and are more aligned to harmony and cooperation than to competition.
Although biology and evolution have some influence, as we grow up we learn to handle our emotions and to mimic our role models.
Ex: Culture play an important part as well
They are also more likely to compromise and to give in to maintain relational harmony.
They may be judged more harshly than men if they are assertive, but they may be overlooked if they aren't.
Women are more likely than men to use indirect strategies instead of confronting conflict head-on.
Cultural norms present a dilemma for men
But those behaviors can seem overly aggressive in close relationships.
Gender differences that appear in face-to-face communication also persist online.
The qualities men and women have in common far outnumber their differences.
One danger is that we may stereotype others and even ourselves, based on differences that are fairly small or don't actually exist.
Cultural Influences on Conflict
The ways in which people communicate during conflicts vary widely from one culture to another.
In individualistic cultures like that of the United States, the goals, rights, and needs of each person are considered important, and most people would agree that it is an individual's right to stand up for himself or herself.
Place a premium on being direct and literal.
in traditional African American culture, conflict is characterized by a greater tolerance for expressions of intense emotions.
people in collectivist cultures (more common in Latin America and Asia) usually consider the concerns of the group to be more important than those of any individual.
Value self-restraint and avoid confrontation.
Value Emotional Expressiveness
Hiding Their True Feelings
African Americans, Arabs, Greeks, Italians, Cubans, and Russians
Characteristics of An Assertive Message
A complete assertive message has five parts:
Describe your feelings.
Expressing your feelings adds a new dimension to a message.
Describe the consequences.
A consequence statement explains what happens as a result of the behavior you have described, your interpretation, and the ensuing feeling.
3 kinds of consequences
What happens to the target of the message
What happens to others
What happens to you, the speaker?
Share your interpretation of the other person's behavior.
Use perception checking
The key is to label your hunches as such instead of suggesting that you are positive about what the other person's behavior means.
State your intentions.
Intention statements are the final element in the
Can communicate in 3 kinds of message
Where you stand on an issue
Requests of others
Descriptions of how you plan to act in the future
Describe the behavior in question
An assertive description is specific without being evaluative or judgmental.
Conflict in Online Communication
Online communication has changed the nature of interpersonal conflict.
The absence of face-to-face contact can make it easy to respond aggressively, without considering the consequences until it's too late.
Because emails and text messages come in written form, there's a permanent "transcript" that doesn't exist when communicators deal with conflict face to face.
Advantage - Help clarify misperceptions and faulty memories.
Disadvantage - The permanent documents that chronicle a conflict can stir up emotions that make it hard to forgive and forget.
Cannot respond immediately to another
Advantage - The chance to cool down and think carefully before replying can prevent aggressive blowups.
Disadvantage - People can just as easily ignore online posts and fail to respond to emails, texts, and IMs. When they do reply, there's the temptation to craft insults and jabs that can make matters worse.
Styles of Expressing Conflict
Describes five ways people can act when their needs are not met
Passive Aggression - An indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows sender to maintain a facade of kindness
Varieties of crazy-marking behaviors
Jokers - Use humor as a weapon.
Trivial Tyrannizers - Do small things to drive you crazy.
Guiltmakers - Try to make you feel bad.
Withholders - Keep back something valuable.
Pseudoaccommodators - Pretend to agree with you.
Direct Aggression - A message that attacks the position and perhaps the dignity of the receiver.
Direct aggression can be hurtful, and the consequences for the relationship can be long lasting.
Indirect Communication - Hinting at a message instead of expressing thoughts and feelings directly
Lack the clarity of a assertive or aggression messages
Involves more initiative than nonassertion.
The goal is to get what you want without arousing the hostility of the other person.
Save face for other party making indirect communication more kind than blunt honesty
Assertion/ Assertive Communication - A style of communicating that directly expresses the sender's needs , thoughts , or feelings, delivered in a way that does not attack the receiver
Assertiveness represents a balance between self-interest and empathy.
Possible to resolve problems to everyone's satisfaction most of the time
Give them the best chance to solve
It maintains the self-respect of both
the assertors and those with whom they interact.
Nonassertion - The inability or unwillingness to
express one's thoughts or feelings.
Sometimes it comes form lack of confidence
Other times, people lack the awareness or skill to use a more direct means of expression.
Can take a variety of forms
Believe it's easier to put up with the status quo than to face the problem head on and try to solve it.
Accommodators deal with conflict by giving in, thus putting the other's needs ahead of their own.
Can still have some advantages
1 more item...
I was suprised about the problem solving part like win-win or lose-lose. Because the way they describe it was so true and it can be find in real life
There isn't anything I bothered about. but if I had to choose one it was how men and women solve the interpersonal problem. It wasn't hard for me to understand but it was hard for me to explain it
I want to find out more the style of conflict. Because I was amazed how they use real life as an example to find put how many conflict styles are there