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Chapter Eight Managing Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships…
Chapter Eight
Managing Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships
Understanding Interpersonal Conflict:
Conflict:
An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals.
Example From Text:
No matter how amazing a relationship can seem, conflict is inevitable.
Personal Example:
There is no escaping conflict which is why its important for me to acknowledge it in a relationship so we can work on it together.
Communication Climates in Interpersonal Relationships:
Communication Climate:
The emotional tone of a relationship as it is expressed in the messages that the partners send and receive.
Confirming Messages:
Actions and words that express respect and show that we value the other person.
Disconfirming Messages:
Words and actions that express a lack of caring or respect for another person.
Criticism:
A message that is personal, all-encompassing, and accusatory.
Contempt:
Verbal and nonverbal messages that ridicule or belittle the other person.
Defensiveness:
Protecting oneself by counteracting the other person.
Stonewalling:
Refusing to engage with the other person.
Relational Spiral:
A reciprocal communication pattern in which each person's message reinforces the other's.
Escalatory Spiral:
A reciprocal pattern of communication in which messages, either confirming or disconfirming, between two or more communicators reinforce one another.
Avoidance Spiral:
A communication spiral in which the parties slowly reduce their dependence on one another, withdraw, and become less invested in the relationship.
Example From Text:
The reference, "What goes around comes around" which is basically saying to treat others hwo you want to be treated.
Personal Example:
Respect is very important for me and it really pays of to show that I value a person.
Approaches to Conflict:
Nonassertion:
The inability or unwillingness to express one's thoughts or feelings.
Indirect Communication:
Hinting at a message instead of expressing thoughts and feelings directly.
Passive Aggression:
An indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows the sender to maintain a façade of kindness.
Direct Aggression:
A message that attacks the position and perhaps the dignity of the receiver.
Assertive Communication:
A style of communication that directly expresses the sender's needs, thoughts, or feelings, delivered in a way that does not attack the receiver.
Example From Text:
Someone from a TV is very social except when talking to women he finds attractive. He feels shy, uncomfortable, and intimidated.
Personal Example:
I have the same issue with guys I find attractive. I lose my assertiveness.
Managing Interpersonal Conflicts:
Win-Lose Problem Solving:
An approach to conflict resolution in which one party reaches his or her goal at the expense of the other.
Lose-Lose Problem Solving:
An approach to conflict resolution in which neither party achieves its goals.
Compromise:
An approach to conflict resolution in which both parties attain at least part of what they seek by giving something up.
Win-Win Problem Solving:
An approach to conflict resolution in which the parties work together to satisfy all their goals.
Example From Text:
For the win-lose problem solving technique they use the example of a parent telling their child to stop misbehaving or they'll be sent to their room. In this case, the parent is winning and the child is losing.
Personal Example:
When I problem solve, I go out of my way to make sure the other person is always winning. Its probably not the smartest thing to do, but its the nicest.
Question One:
I was surprised by how important respect is in a relationship. I had no idea.
Question Two:
It bothers me that there will always be conflict in a relationship no matter what, but it would be pointless if it was perfect.
Question Three:
I wanted to know more about assertion and nonassertion. I'd like to know why I am very nonassertive sometimes and not other times.