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Understanding Interpersonal Communication (Communication Patterns in…
Understanding Interpersonal Communication
How We Choose Relational Partners
Evaluating Relationship Potential
The person likes and appreciates me（People who approve of us bolster our feelings of self-esteem🙂
I admire the person’s abilities
We balance each other out（when complementary互补的
The person opens up to me（what they share is appropriate to the setting and the stage of the relationship :warning:
We have a lot in common（当让我们选择坐的地方时我们往往会倾向于那些和我们长相相似的人
I see the person frequently（💻Internet provides a new means for creating closeness, as users are able to experience “virtual proximity” in cyberspace
The person is physically attractive（early stages of romantic relationships❤️
The relationship is rewarding（social exchange theory：回报大于或等于我们在与他们打交道时所付出的代价。奖励可以是有形的(住的好地方、高收入的工作)，也可以是无形的(声望、情感支持、友谊)
Relationship Reality Check
Our priorities change（physical factors that catch our eye at first glance aren’t necessarily what we want in the long run
Perfection can be a turn-off（No one wants to look bad by comparison🤣大学生选择一个非常友好的陌生人的可能性是选择一个非常聪明的人的两倍。宁愿和一个“可爱的傻瓜”在一起也不愿和一个“有能力的混蛋”
First impressions can mislead（we befriend people whose interests and attitudes seem similar to our own我们往往高估自己与朋友的相似度，低估自己与陌生人的相似度🧐
It’s not all about communication, but it’s a lot about communication
Communication Patterns in Relationships
Self-Disclosure in Interpersonal Relationships
depth (of self-disclosure)
The level of personal information a person reveals on a particular topic.
Johari Window
A model that describes the relationship between self- disclosure and self-awareness. :red_flag:
breadth(ofself-disclosure)
The range of topics about which an individual discloses.
Characteristics of Effective Self-Disclosure
Is the disclosure relevant to the situation at hand?
即使与亲密的朋友或家庭成员不断的透露也不是一个有用的目标
Is the disclosure reciprocated?
不平等的自我表露会造成不平衡的关系🎭
Is the risk of disclosing reasonable?
Will the effect be constructive?
每个人都有一条心理学“腰带”。“在这条皮带线以下的区域是这个人非常敏感的区域
Is the disclosure appropriate?
depend on 🌏personal preference and culture
Is the self-disclosure clear and understandable?
it’s important that you do so intelligibly by clearly describing the sources of your message‼
Is the other person important to you?
多分享自己会让你们更亲密。然而，与你不信任或不太了解的人分享个人信息可能是个错误 :warning:
social penetration model
A theory that describes how intimacy can be achieved via the breadth and depth of self-disclosure.
self-disclosure
The process of deliberately revealing information about one- self that is significant and that would not normally be known by others. :red_flag:
Dialectical Perspective of Interpersonal Relationships
Openness Versus Privacy
除了亲密的需要外，你的经历可能还表明你需要在自己和他人之间保持一定的距离。这些有时相互冲突的驱动力创造了开放-隐私的辩证法
Predictability Versus Novelty
Stability is an important need in relationships但是太多的可预见性会导致感觉迟钝和无聊
Connection Versus Autonomy
The conflicting desires for connection and independence are embodied in the connection-autonomy dialectic分手最常见的原因之一就是一方不满足另一方对感情的需要
Strategies for Managing Dialectical Tensions
Polarization
people find a balance of sorts by each staking a claim at opposite ends of a dialectic continuum一方可能会为了在一起而放弃几乎所有的个人利益，而另一方则会对独立做出同样极端的承诺
Segmentation
people compartmentalize different areas of the relationship一对夫妇可能通过分享他们对共同朋友的几乎所有感觉，但保持他们过去浪漫历史的某些部分的隐私
Alternation
Communicators sometimes alternate between one end of the dialectical spectrum and the other常常与朋友相处但会为夫妻留出周末的时间
Moderation
characterized by compromises in which people back off from expressing either end of the dialectical spectrum一对夫妇可能会觉得分开度假对他们来说太极端了但是他们会在一起旅行的时候腾出一些单独的时间
Selection
When partners employ the strategy of selection, they respond to one end of the dialectical spectrum and ignore the other处于稳定和新奇的矛盾欲望之间的伙伴可能会认为可预测性是“正确的”或“负责任的”选择，而把对刺激的渴望放在一边
Reframing
Communicators can also respond to dialectical challenges by reframing them in terms that redefine the situation so that the apparent contradiction disappears
Disorientation
When communicators feel so overwhelmed and helpless that they are unable to confront their problems they are said to be disoriented一对夫妇在蜜月后不久就发现“从此过上幸福的生活”是不可能的，他们可能会认为他们的婚姻是一个错误并寻求离婚💔
Reaffirmation
acknowledging that dialectical tensions will never disappear and accepting or even embracing the challenges they present使用重申的沟通者将辩证的紧张关系视为生活旅程的一部分🧘♂️
Denial
One of the least functional responses to dialectical tensions is to deny that they exist装瞎🙂
dialectical model
The perspective that people in virtually all interpersonal relationships must deal with equally important, simultaneous, and opposing forces such as connection and autonomy, predictability and novelty, and openness versus privacy. :red_flag:
Metacommunication
Messages (usually relational) that refer to other messages; communication about communication :red_flag:
Lies and Evasions
Evasions
aren’t outright mistruths他们通过故意含糊其辞来逃避全面披露。遁辞的动机通常是善意的
当你的伴侣问你对一件糟糕的衣服有什么看法时，你可以说:“这真的很不寻常——独一无二!”🧥
Self-Serving Lies
attempts to manipulate the listener into believing something that is untrue
altruisticlies
Deception intended to be unmalicious, or even helpful, to the person to whom it is told:red_flag:
告诉宴会的主人食物很美味即使它不是。或者你可以称赞你男友或女友的新发型以避免伤害他或她的感情🤣
(1) very often, it’s not what you say but how you say it; (2) sharing either too much too soon or nothing about yourself can derail a relationship (3) the lies you tell today may be publicly revealed tomorrow. Former Bachelorette star Jillian Harris adds one more to the list: “It sounds cliché, but be yourself.” :explode:
Content and Relational Messages
affinity
The degree to which people like or appreciate one another. As with all relational messages, affinity is usually expressed nonverbally. :red_flag:
respect
The degree to which we hold others in esteem.
:red_flag:
relational message
A message that expresses the social relationship between two or more individuals. :red_flag:
immediacy
The degree of interest and attraction we feel toward and communicate to others. As with all relational messages, immediacy is usually expressed nonverbally :red_flag:
content message
A message that communicates information about the subject being discussed. :red_flag:
control
The social need to influence others.
:red_flag:
Types of Interpersonal Relationships
Family Relationships
Parents and Children👨👩👧👦We learn how to behave largely from our parents. At a more subtle level, we also learn from them how to think about the world around us and how to manage our emotions
Sibling relationships 👫involve an interwoven, and often paradoxical, collection of emotions
family🏡 A collection of people who share affection and resources and who think of themselves and present them- selves as a family
Grandparents and Grandchildren👴👵:often have the time and inclination to interact with younger members of the family
他们可以提供爱的关怀和乐趣，而不必责骂或惩罚
they can be caring and supportive listeners
经常与祖父母交往的孩子在以后的生活中比其他人更有可能与他们保持密切的联系
they manage the balance between “being there” and “interfering.”
Romantic Partners
Male and Female Intimacy Styles
women were better at developing and maintaining intimate relationships than men
women typically value personal talk, men often demonstrate caring by doing things for their partners and spending time with them
romantic intimacy ❤️requires that we express ourselves personally through physical con- tact, shared experiences, intellectual sharing, and emotional dis- closures以这种方式对另一个人敞开心扉涉及到脆弱。但是亲密也会带来一些生活中最伟大的回报，包括被理解、被接受和被支持的感觉
women think of sex as a way to express intimacy that has already developed, men are more likely to see it as a way to create that intimacy
在一段关系的早期或一场争吵之后，鼓励做爱的男人可能会将这种共享的活动视为一种建立亲密关系的方式。相比之下，那些将私人谈话视为通往亲密之路的女性，可能会在讨论关系的情感方面之前，就抵制身体上的亲密感
Love Languages
Quality Time
show love by completing tasks together, talking, or engaging in some other mutually enjoyable activity因军事部署而分离的伴侣经常说，只要谈论日常活动和未来计划，他们就觉得彼此更亲近了
Acts of Service People
report that sharing daily tasks is the most frequent way they show their love and commitment尽管每个人贡献的方式不尽相同但总的来说他们付出的努力是一样的
Affirming Words
includes compliments, thanks, and statements that express love and commitment即使你知道有人爱你、重视你，你也应该用言语来表达
Gifts
adds to their sense of being loved and valued🎁
Physical Touch
touch is such a powerful indicator of intimacy that even an incidental touch can spur interest :fire:
Stages of Romantic Relationships
developmental models (of relational maintenance)
Theoretical frameworks based on the idea that communication patterns are different in various stages of interpersonal relationships. :red_flag:
Relational maintenance
Coming together: Initiating,Experimenting,Intensifying,Integrating,Bonding
Coming apart: Circumscribing, Stagnating,Avoiding,Terminating
type of Friendship
Doing-Oriented Versus Being-Oriented
“in the doing.”：they enjoy performing tasks or attending events together and feel closer because of those shared experiences
“being-oriented.” the main focus is on being together, and they might get together just to talk or hang out
Low Obligation Versus High Obligation
There are some friends for whom we would do just about anything. For others, we may feel a lower sense of obligation文化因素可能会影响这种感觉
Low Disclosure Versus High Disclosure
Self-disclosure is associated with greater levels of intimacy 只有少数知己可能知道你最深的秘密
Frequent Contact Versus Occasional Contact
infrequent contact doesn’t always correlate with levels of disclosure or obligation许多亲密的朋友可能一年只见一次面，但他们共享信息的广度和深度很快就会恢复
Short-Term Versus Long-Term
Short-term friends tend to change as our lives do。These friendships tend to survive changes and distance
Same Sex Versus Other Sex
Same-sex friendships between men typically involve good-natured competition and a focus on tasks and events, whereas female friends tend to treat each other more as equals and to engage in emotional support and self-disclosure女异性恋者和男同性恋者是很好的朋友💆♀️💆♂️
Youthful Versus Mature
the nature of friendships varies as the participants mature(儿童喜欢和临时的玩伴。青少年友谊成为社会生活的中心特征且比家庭更重要，会开始看重朋友的人品。成年后友谊作为社会支持的一种方式变得特别有价值
qualities that are important in a friend become stable and mature: helpfulness, support, trust, commitment, and self-disclosure :<3:
In-Person Versus Mediated
we have many more online friends than physical ones仅在网上交友可能存在更大的欺骗或敌对风险
face-to-face friends are typically more interdependent than online friends特别是在他们关系的早期阶段
Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
What Makes Communication Interpersonal?
interpersonal communication
Two-way interactions between people who are part of a close and irreplaceable relationship in which they treat each other as unique individuals :red_flag:
Mediated Interpersonal Communication
cyber relationship
An affiliation between people who know each other only in the virtual world. :red_flag:
Why People Use Communication Technology
Mediated communication can feel nonthreatening😳
尤其是那些内向的人，中间的渠道更容易建立亲密的关系
Online communication can be validating
一个吸引人的特点是它能够传递社会支持
Mediated channels enable communication that would not happen otherwise🌍
Electronic communication often has a pause option⏸️
negative aspects👎
it can encourage quantity over quality
phubbing 低头族
A mixture of the words phone and snubbing, used to describe episodes in which people pay more attention to their devices than they do to the people around them. :red_flag: