Please enable JavaScript.
Coggle requires JavaScript to display documents.
Never Split the Difference (Discovery (Other party (Question your …
Never Split the Difference
Build
trust
How?
Mirror
What is it?
Copying their words and actions
Imitation
Actions
Words
Different
from paraphrasing
Paraphrasing is checking understanding;
mirroring is become part fo their group/tribe
Why?
Leads to trust
Validate their emotions
Allows the "real" conversation to begin
We fear what's different
Shows that you
think the same as them
We a drawn to what's similar
Disagree without being disagreeable
How?
Repeat their last 3
words back to them
Avoid yes/no questions
Use silence
At least 4 seconds
Give it time to work
People need time to think
Time
Wait
Gives people time to think
Sucks the emotion out of the situation
Prepare
Knowledge is power
If we know more than them we
are in a position of advantage
Shows the other party, you are serious
Don't rush
Voice
Tone
Calm
Reasonable
Stay relaxed
Able to think more quickly
Not in fight or flight mode
Keeps the other party relaxed
Smile as you speak
Playful
Late night DJ
Confident
You are in control
Use statements
You don't have to ask the
other party's permission
Don't offer alternatives
It's ok to be strong
Your voice is a tool
Talk slowly
Clearly
Labeling
What is it?
Validate someones
emotion by labeling it
Emotional intelligence
Understanding someone
elses problem
Listen to them
Look behind what
they are saying and doing
It is not about agreeing
with their world view
Tactical empathy
Not about being nice
Not about agreeing with them
It's about understanding
Why?
Everyone wants
be understood
Diffuses negatives
When someone
vocalises their fears
they seem small
Problem shared...
Allow the "higher" brain to take over
Replace negative
with postive suggestion
People feel
the need to justify
after a label
They reveal information
You get to know them better
Reinforces positives
Everyone wants
to be praised
Encourages more of it
How?
Give their
emotion a name
Think of the impact of saying:
"Why are you angry?"
Shows that you are listening
Detect how the
other person feels
Don't project
Observe them
Actively listen
7-38-55
7% is based on words
38% tone of voice
55% body language
Avoid "I"
when labeling
instead:
It sounds like...
It looks like...
It seems like...
Too self focused
Silence
Let time work
Give them time to think
about what you said
Be direct
Be fearless
but deferential
Gets straight to the point
Puts them in charge
Ok to be wrong
Reveals
information
Avoid confusion
Preface a conversation with
your counterparts fears
Defuses their power
Why?
They will offer solutions
They will want to downplay them
Leave time for them to think
Accusation audit
Pause
Paraphrase
How?
Repeat back what has been said
Try to use their own words
Why?
Shows that you
are actually listening
Everyone wants to be heard
Shows you are not just
waiting for your turn to talk
Allows for any
misunderstanding to be caught
Effective
pauses
How?
Don't fill the silence
Why?
Lets the other person speak
Drains the "swamp" of emotion
Gives the other party time to think
Summarise
Why?
Shows that you are actually listening
Shows that you understand the emotion behind the words
Aim is to get the other party to agree with you
How?
Paraphrase the conversation and add in labeling
Don't have to agree with other party to show that you understand their POV
Why?
Uncover wants and needs
Only way to get a deal
Avoid!
Hearing from the
other party "You're right"
It should be about them
You are focusing too much on you
Often used to stop you drone on
A "lubricating" Yes
A fake yesy that is
used to move the conversation
Isn't genuine
Discovery
Other
party
Seek out
the power
The less important
they make themself,
the more important they are
People trying to seem important use "I"
Watch out for we/they
Need to know who to negotiate with
Question your
assumptions
Stay open to what is
actually happening
Don't project
Observe them
Actively listen
7-38-55
7% is based on words
38% tone of voice
55% body language
Engage in active listening
Act on truth -
not your coginative bias
The other party should
be your sole focus
Uncover Needs
Once the other parties
needs are meet then the
conversation can begin
Needs != wants
They won't tell
you their needs
Active listening
Mirroring
Remember you are
dealing with more people
than just who you see
Types of
negotiator
Assertive
Personality
"Time is money"
Fiery
Winning at all costs
Direct communication
Candid
Honest
Want to be respected
Want to be heard
When dealing with them
Focus on what
they have to say
How?
Paraphrase
Mirror
Summaries
Why?
Make sure they know
that you have heard them
They need to feel heard
Use calibrated
open questions
Use "
How
" questions
Get them to talk and they will tell you more
Be careful not to concede in
the hope of them reciprocating
Remember emotion is a tool
Keep cool
Focus on your objectives
Accommodator
Personality
Win-win
Talkative
Build rapport
Want to be friends
Yield concessions
When dealing with them
Be social
Listen
Use calibrated
open questions
Use "
How
" questions
Can be hard to
get them to disagree
Hard to judge if what you said will be cause issues
Hard to understand the problems they are facing
Silence
can be a indicator that they don't agree
Accept that it may take a
long time for them to get to the point
If this is you
Remember your objectives
Read the room to determine
if you talkativeness is too much
Analyst
Personality
Diligent
Problem solvers
Researchers
Methodical
When dealing with them
Stay hypersensitive to
reciprocity
Be aware if they give something -
they expect something in return
Failure to reciprocite reduces trust
Be prepared
They love research
Be careful with questions
Give them time
Use labeling
Silence allows them to think
View neogrations as a
long
game
If this is you
Avoid cutting yourself off from the other party
Smile
Understand the neogration
involves more than just the person across from you
Silence
Will feel uncomfortable from both parties
People
rush to fill it
They give
away information
More infortmation will allow
us to get what we want quicker
Will allow us to validate our assumptions
We want to know more
Be comfortable in
the uncomfortable
Give the other party time to think
Tame
"No"
Why?
Puts other
party in control
Gives them autonomy
Offers them room to think
Maintains the status quo
Offers them protection
"No" alters
conversations
People feel more
comfortable after saying "No"
Allows you to fine tune your tactical empathy
Allows the real
issues to be surfaced
"Yes" can
often be false
Counterfeit
Other party wants to say "no" but don't feel that they can
Other party use it to get
more information from you
Confirmation
Reflexive
Meaningless
People fear "No"
Get comfortable
Seek it out
How?
Stop
seeking "yes"
Often they give a false "yes"
Other party feels like they are prey
Get the other
party to say "no"
Tactical
empathy
Understand the other party
We can't control other people
Avoid being
too "nice"
Feels like a sales pitch
People see through it
Anatagonize them
Mislabel
Question their commitment
Type of
questions to ask
Avoid
aggressive questions
Avoid "Why" questions
-
they sounds like accustions
Makes the other party defensive
Can trigger fight or flight
Ask open-ended
calibrated questions
Allows them to
speak at length
Giving them the illusion of control
Makes them feel useful
Lets them reveal more
Ask "How" or "What" questions
Ask with a purpose
People want to help others
"How" questions
The other party then takes your
issue into account when deciding their position
Make them think the solution is their idea
"How can I do that" -
a gentle way of saying "No"
Emotion
is a tool
Anger
can be useful
Can help sway your counterpart to accept less
Beware too much and
it reduces your counterparts ability to think
Must be...
Controlled
Genuine
But remember:
Tackle the ball, not the man
When the heat is on,
preparation comes through
Know your limits
Research
Be prepared to take a punch
Be genuine
People are
creeped out by false
Val
No one wants to be sold to;
people want to buy
Deal
making
How?
Use
deadlines
Deadlines are
often...
Arbitary
Flexible
Consquence free
Used to stop your thinking
Avoid
Being driven by
the other parties deadlines
Reacting on impluse
Deadlines work
both ways
Remember when a neogration is over, it is over for both parties so don't let the threat of missing deal pressure you as the other party probably need the deal to happen as well
Share your deadlines
with the other party
Focus the conversation
Avoids neograting with yourself in secret
Use everyones desire to be
seen as
fair
No such thing
What is fair to someone
is unfair to someone else
Decison making is
governed by emotion
People will sometimes accept $0 rather than accept anythingg less than half of what is on offer
However people often think
they make decisions based on logic
Use
F-bombs
:
"We just want what ia fair"
No-one wants to be
accused of not being fair
Can cause the other party to react
emotionally and up their offer
"We've given a fair offer"
Implies that the other
party is being unfair
No-one wants to be
accused of not being fair
"I want you to feel like you
are being treated fairly"
Implies that you are a honest dealer
Opens the door for feedback
Understand
Emotional drivers
Value is subjective
People are drawn to sure things
People will take greater risks to avoid losses than to achieve gains -
Lose Aversion
Keep your cool
Emotion is a tool
Remember: Even if they act uninterested,
they won't be talking to you if they didn't want the deal
Take to think
Accusation
Audit
Helps to lower expectations by resetting them
List their fears before they can
Trigggered by you
Let them
go first
Get a better understanding of their range
Beware an extreme
anchor from the other party
Don't be caught by emotion
Take your time
Don't rush to your maximum
Ask "How" questions
"How can I accept that?"
"How did you come to that number?"
Be ready to take a punch
Establish
a range
Not the bottom or top in your range
Try 65% then 85%, 95% and finally 100%
Descreasing raises
Use odd numbers
The other party thinks they
are aquezzing you for all your worth
Have an
extreme
in there
Be prepared for them to go to the end of the range that suits them best
Avoid getting caught by emotion
Any response that isn't a rejection means you are near
Sometimes will force the other to their upper/lower range as a counter
Better than naming a specific number
Give details of why the range is acceptable
Don't forget
nonmonetary terms
Gives weight to the monetary offer
Move the conversation on unexpected ground
Use
odd numbers
Gives the impression that the number is based on reasoning
Avoid numbers ending in 0
Try to trigger the
reciprocity
dynamic
People feel that they must repay kindness
Marrakesh market traders
Speak to their benefits
if the deal goes through
Trigger their
Lose Aversion
fears
Let's them know that you are thinking about them
Paraphrase
Discover what
is driving this deal
Stay
human to them
Mindset
Never split
the difference
Why?
We compromise
because it's...
Safe
Fair
No such thing as fairness
Easy
Both parties come out
feeling somewhat cheated
Stay positive
Generates empathy
Use phases like "Just want what's fair"
Bite your tongue
Neogations are about co-opting not defeating the other party
Be prepared
to walk
Know your limits
No deal, is better than a bad deal
If you feel you can't say "No"
then you have taken yourself hostage
