Understanding Interpersonal Conflict (Terms/ Definitions (Communication…
Understanding Interpersonal Conflict
Expressed struggle. Interpersonal conflict requires that both parties know a disagreement exists.
Interdependence. the parties in conflict are usually dependent on each other. One of the first steps toward resolving a conflict is to take the attitude that "we're in this together."
Perceived incompatible goals. It helps realize that goals often are not as oppositional as they seem.
Perceived scare resources. People often believe that there isn't enough of the desired resource to go around
How communication climates develop
Positive spirals, one partner's confirming message leads to a positive response from the other person. Negative spirals are just as powerful, they leave the partner feeling worse about themselves and each other.
Escalatory spirals are the most visible way that disconfirming messages reinforce one another. One attack leads to another until a skirmish escalates into full-fledged battle. As well as avoidance spirals. Rather than fighting the parties slowly lessen their dependence on one another, withdraw and become less invested in the relationship.
Styles of expressing conflict
non-assertion- the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts or feelings in a conflict is known as non-assertion. Can come from lack of confidence or lack of awareness or skill to use more direct means of expression.
assertiveness- Satisfaction comes from addressing something assertively rather than indirectly. Strong words should be used sparingly but overreacting is sometimes preferable to downplaying a serious concern.
Communication climate: the emotional tone of a relationship as it is expressed in the messages that the partners send and receive.
Confirming messages: actions and words that express respect and show that we value the other person
Stonewalling: refusing to engage with the other person
Relational spiral: a reciprocal communication pattern in which each person's message reinforces the other's.
Indirect communication: hinting at a message instead of expressing thoughts and feelings directly.
Passive aggression: an indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows the send to maintain a facade of kindness.
Direct aggression- a message that attacks the position and perhaps the dignity of the receiver
I had multiple experiences with talking to someone who was very passive-aggressive. For example my tennis coach was very passive aggressive every time a player does something wrong with their form or in the game. He was angry but tried to help them in a way where it wasn't too harsh.
I am guilty of indirect communication. I conveyed it to a friend of mine when I wanted to spend time alone with my significant other. Instead of telling her to leave to give me alone time I asked her if her dad called her asking if she had to go home.
I've had many experiences with my sister stonewalling. She would give me the silent treatment for days and not actually addressing the issue.
Communication climate- two communication classes both meet at the same length of time and follow the same syllabus. It's easy to imagine one of these classes might be a friendly, comfortable place to learn whereas other might be cold and tense.
Confirming messages- "I thought whats going on? I don't know if im supposed to feel humiliated or hostile. I wanted to cry and I wanted to scream.
Negative spiral- when one partner is likely to become frustrated and distant as well and when one person criticizes another.
Assertiveness- In one study couples volunteered to be videotaped while they talked about sources of conflict in their marriages.
I was most surprised that about 1 in 20 male toddlers is frequently aggressive, compared with1 in 100 female toddlers. Which is why boys show more aggressive behavior than girls do.
Nothing bothered me in this chapter.
What I wanted to learn more about is how communication climates develop.