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Managing Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships (Approaches to Conflict…

- - - - However antagonistic they might feel toward each other, the parties in a conflict are usually dependent on each other. The welfare and satisfaction of one depend on the actions of another.
    - - Conflicts often look as if one party's gain will be another's loss. Ifyour neighbor turns down his loud music, he loses the enjoyment of hearing it the way he wants, but if he keeps the volume up, then you're still awake and unhappy.
    - - You may be upset for months because a friendly neighbor's loud music keeps you from getting to sleep at night. That's most accurately described as internal conflict. Actual interpersonal conflict requires that both parties know a disagreement exists, such as when you let the neighbor know that you don't appreciate the decibel level. You might say this in words. Or you might use nonverbal cues, as in giving the neighbor a mean look, avoiding him, or slamming your windows shut. One way or another, once both parties know that a problem exists, it's an inter- personal conflict.
    - - In a conflict, people often believe that there isn't enough of the desired resource to go around. That's one reason conflict so often involves money. [Ex: If a person asks for a pay raise and the boss would rather keep the money or use it to expand the business, then the two parties are in conflict.]
- - - - Partners show contempt.
        
        contempt: Verbal and nonverbal messages that ridicule or belittle the other person.
      - Partners are defensive.
        
        defensiveness: Protecting oneself by counterattacking the other person.
      - Partners criticize each other.
        
        Criticism: A message that is personal, all -encompassing, and accusatory.
      - One or both partners engage in stonewalling.
        
        stonewalling: Refusing to engage with the other person.
    - - Acknowledge the person's thoughts and feelings.
      - Show that you agree.
      - Show recognition.
- - - - Women face a double standard: They may be judged more harshly than men if they are assertive, but they may be overlooked if they aren't. Typically, women are more likely than men to use indirect strategies instead of con- fronting conflict head-on. They are also more likely to compromise and to give in to maintain relational harmony.
    - - General differences aside, it bears emphasizing that social expec- tations change over time and stereotypes do not always apply. The qualities men and women have in common far outnumber their differences. [For example, men and women are roughly the same in terms of how much closeness they desire in relationships and the value they place on sharing ideas and feelings.]
    - - Biology explains some of the difference between the way males and females deal with conflict. During disagreements, men tend to experience greater physiological arousal than women, which comes in the form of increased heart rate and blood pressure.
  - - - Jokers use humor as a weapon.
      - Trivial tyrannizers do small things to drive you crazy.
      - Withholders keep back something valuable.
      - Guiltmakers try to make you feel bad.
      - Pseudoaccommodators pretend to agree with you.
- - - - Generate a number of possible solutions.
      - Evaluate the alternative solutions.
      - Identify and define the conflict.
      - Decide on the best solution.